LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 hello, Something strange happened to me in the last couple of days. In 2006, I was down and out. I had moved away from home to find a job in another city, but I was at this drop i centre during the day, as I was in the process of securing employment, and getting help to find an apartment to rent. There was a 20 year old student that worked there part time, who seemed to take a special interest in me (She is now a social worker at a womens organization). We would talk about our families, lives, and she even confined in me personal things. She seemed like such an awesome person. Fast forward to a week ago. I work out of town most of the time, and occasionally go on this online dating site (plenty of fish), since breaking up with my ex of 3 years in January, since it's not easy meeting a significant other if you are out of town 2/3 of the time. I came across a women, who I did not recognize at first, but after some initial messages, my memory was jogged, and I realized it was the same girl who helped me out 7 1/2 years ago. When I told her who I was and how I remembered her, she immediately replied "Oh MY God! I have to meet you!" She then proceeded to tell me that she had a big crush on me in 2006, and went as far as to say that she would dress herself up better than usual, when she knew I was going to be dropping by her workplace. I was flattered. We then chatted a couple of times, and we talked about life, made plans to meet once I returned to the city, and even confided in each other about issues we and been facing. The next day, we continued to text each other. At that point I was pretty smitten with her. I had texted her, and told her thanks for helping me out in 2006, when I was vulnerable, and that I really cared for her as a person. She replied by saying "Awwww...That's so sweet of you." And that's it. She said she would text me once she got home from her friends, and that is the last time I heard of her. That was almost a week ago. I have no idea what happened. The worst thing is, even back in 2006, I confided in her that I had trust issues, and she was well aware of that when we were chatting. I'm really sad right now, since this person I always thought of as somewhat of a saint for helping me, when I was going through a lot of issues, would just drop me like a hot potato, once I disclosed that I cared for her. I'm wondering if she has issues with men, since she confined in me she has not spoken to her dad in years, and also has a history of toxic relationship, and seems to go out with guys who don't exactly treat her with respect. I had heard she was engaged to a guy in 2006, that did not seem to treat her well, and she had two kids with him, before leaving him in 2011. I'm not sure if this is relevant, but we added each other to facebook, and obviously its human nature to view some of the pictures of her. I noticed that most of the recent ones from the last couple of years, she was at nightclubs or parties, and wearing very revealing outfits. I'm starting to wonder if what she even said to me was authentic, or was just some kind of game to toy with my emotions. What do you think about this? Am I overreacting, or is this unusual?
Eivuwan Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 That is pretty strange that she would just disappear for a week like that after saying she'll text you. Have you followed up? Maybe something big happened in her life. You never know.
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 That is pretty strange that she would just disappear for a week like that after saying she'll text you. Have you followed up? Maybe something big happened in her life. You never know. well I did accidentally text her 3 days later, as I had to get a cell phone with a different provider, as my usual company, Rogers, has not built a cell tower where I am currently working. The message read "c....cc.." I realized it a couple hours later, and just briefly said "sorry about that, my cell phone does not seem to ahve a lock, hope your weekend went well" No reply. Nothing. It's not that I'm mad at her for saying all these things to me, and then seemingly dropping communication when I mention that I care for her as a person, I'm actually depressed, as this person I thought was like a saint since 2006, could be capable of doing this, and completely disregarding me feelings.
happydate Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 hello, Something strange happened to me in the last couple of days. In 2006, I was down and out. I had moved away from home to find a job in another city, but I was at this drop i centre during the day, as I was in the process of securing employment, and getting help to find an apartment to rent. There was a 20 year old student that worked there part time, who seemed to take a special interest in me (She is now a social worker at a womens organization). We would talk about our families, lives, and she even confined in me personal things. She seemed like such an awesome person. Fast forward to a week ago. I work out of town most of the time, and occasionally go on this online dating site (plenty of fish), since breaking up with my ex of 3 years in January, since it's not easy meeting a significant other if you are out of town 2/3 of the time. I came across a women, who I did not recognize at first, but after some initial messages, my memory was jogged, and I realized it was the same girl who helped me out 7 1/2 years ago. When I told her who I was and how I remembered her, she immediately replied "Oh MY God! I have to meet you!" She then proceeded to tell me that she had a big crush on me in 2006, and went as far as to say that she would dress herself up better than usual, when she knew I was going to be dropping by her workplace. I was flattered. We then chatted a couple of times, and we talked about life, made plans to meet once I returned to the city, and even confided in each other about issues we and been facing. The next day, we continued to text each other. At that point I was pretty smitten with her. I had texted her, and told her thanks for helping me out in 2006, when I was vulnerable, and that I really cared for her as a person. She replied by saying "Awwww...That's so sweet of you." And that's it. She said she would text me once she got home from her friends, and that is the last time I heard of her. That was almost a week ago. I have no idea what happened. The worst thing is, even back in 2006, I confided in her that I had trust issues, and she was well aware of that when we were chatting. I'm really sad right now, since this person I always thought of as somewhat of a saint for helping me, when I was going through a lot of issues, would just drop me like a hot potato, once I disclosed that I cared for her. I'm wondering if she has issues with men, since she confined in me she has not spoken to her dad in years, and also has a history of toxic relationship, and seems to go out with guys who don't exactly treat her with respect. I had heard she was engaged to a guy in 2006, that did not seem to treat her well, and she had two kids with him, before leaving him in 2011. I'm not sure if this is relevant, but we added each other to facebook, and obviously its human nature to view some of the pictures of her. I noticed that most of the recent ones from the last couple of years, she was at nightclubs or parties, and wearing very revealing outfits. I'm starting to wonder if what she even said to me was authentic, or was just some kind of game to toy with my emotions. What do you think about this? Am I overreacting, or is this unusual? Do not text her anymore. Just give it a few days more and if she does not text you, then she isn't interested in you. While she may have had a crush on you, I think you being nice to her and remembers her from the past may be uncomfortable to her. She is probably looking for a guy like her ex or like her father. Meaning she is looking for a jerk, a guy who dont give a **** about her and that guy isn't you as she found out. Take care. 1
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 I wish I had listened to your advice. Early this morning I wrote her a final text: "I’m not sure why you bothered telling me that you want to see me, had a crush on me back in the day, and went out of your way to dress sexy when you knew I was around. And then proceed to lose interest when I mention that I cared for you? That actually really hurt me. Did you ever stop and consider I have feelings too? Let’s face it. It doesn't take Sigmund Freud to figure out what happened, and why you would do this. You do all these honorable things, like working with people that are less fortunate, and having a legitimate desire to help them. I could sense that about you in 2006, and that is why I always remembered you. I commend you for this, but at the end of the day, you have to realize that you are only human, and who is going to say to (name withheld) “you deserve to be loved and cared for?” My take on this, is that you either have low self-esteem, and too afraid to let someone into your life that legitimately cares about you, or you are used to your “comfort zone”, which is getting involved with men that will more than likely treat you like ****. Typical co-dependency issues. You have to realize that you cannot “change” people you love. They have to want that for themselves. It’s not just what you confined in me about your recent boyfriend either. If you involve yourself in these types of toxic relationships, you’re going to burn yourself out. I have seen this play out too many times to count. I’m a former alcoholic, remember? I frequently attend 12-step groups, and this sort of things happens all the time. People, especially woman, love the adrenaline rush of being with someone who is toxic for them. In the end, it nearly always results in a world of hurt and regret. I’m not the least bit mad at you for this. In reality, I just feel sorry for you. What did you achieve by doing this? For years I thought you were this awesome saint-like person, who I would have done anything for. You really should have left it at “let’s have coffee sometime,” and not bothered with telling me you were carrying a torch for me BS, when I was in Red Deer. I could have acted as if I didn't give a **** about you, but that’s just not me. I prefer to be real. I still care about you and probably always will. I just pray that you find someone in your life that is a positive influence on you, and not someone who is going to disrespect you. You deserve better." I should never write letters when I cannot sleep. Hopefully I did not come across looking too much like an a**hole, which ironically, may make her take interest in me (but certainly not my intention). I should have just let sleeping dogs lie...
lollipopspot Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 In the future...something like this, where you didn't know her well...sometimes things come up in people's lives and they just can't get back to you, and because you don't know this person well, you're not a high priority for them...but that doesn't mean they wouldn't get back to you when things calmed down. Some possibilities: one of her children may have died she may have been in an accident her house might have burned down she was diagnosed with cancer ... You're not close enough for her to confide in you or to be too worried about meeting that expectation she set for you. You just don't know...you could be right in what you are saying, but I'd leave the expectations and big texts for closer relationships in the future. 1
D-Lish Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 That's a pretty intense letter to send to someone you barely know. If you'd only met once before, then proceeded to tell her you "cared about her"- that might have been "too much too soon" to reveal. Perhaps your admission scared her off. 1
Lansing Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Wow, what is with that text you sent her! You should have posted that HERE before you sent that out to her... You really need to become more secure in yourself. Just because someone doesn't text you when they say they would doesn't mean you should have a break down. I know it is hard when you "like" someone but the reality is that you built her up in your head. You don't know how she really is, you shouldn't be caring for someone so much until you spend time with them and get to know them. 1
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 In the future...something like this, where you didn't know her well...sometimes things come up in people's lives and they just can't get back to you, and because you don't know this person well, you're not a high priority for them...but that doesn't mean they wouldn't get back to you when things calmed down. Some possibilities: one of her children may have died she may have been in an accident her house might have burned down she was diagnosed with cancer ... You're not close enough for her to confide in you or to be too worried about meeting that expectation she set for you. You just don't know...you could be right in what you are saying, but I'd leave the expectations and big texts for closer relationships in the future. We talked and confided for a nearly daily for much of the first part of 2006, and we talked a lot about our lives at the beginning of last week. Nothing happened to her, she was fine. I came across her post in the news feed of Facebook Sunday night. That's nearly a week after we last had contact. Pics of her with friends at the bar. So I assume nothing bad happened.
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 That's a pretty intense letter to send to someone you barely know. If you'd only met once before, then proceeded to tell her you "cared about her"- that might have been "too much too soon" to reveal. Perhaps your admission scared her off. Did you read my entire post. She had said she had a big crush on me, and dressed sexy when I was going to come by. Why would she say these things now, and insist on meeting me? I'm not sure where you read we had only met once. That would be crazy to reveal. The weird thing was I was oblivious to all this, and was hoping we could be friends. When she confessed all of this to me, and also said I was sexy and she want to meet me soon, and helped me out in the past, saying you care about someone isn't exactly scaring someone off.
lollipopspot Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Maybe you are right about her and her "issues" then, who knows... But for you, I would say that you were too invested too quickly in this relationship, and much more than a "Hey, are you still interested?" text or Facebook message would be too much. That's just my opinion though. It would have been nicer if she had responded earlier, but you learned that she's probably a flaky person and so maybe not the best person for you anyway. 1
D-Lish Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Did you read my entire post. She had said she had a big crush on me, and dressed sexy when I was going to come by. Why would she say these things now, and insist on meeting me? I'm not sure where you read we had only met once. That would be crazy to reveal. The weird thing was I was oblivious to all this, and was hoping we could be friends. When she confessed all of this to me, and also said I was sexy and she want to meet me soon, and helped me out in the past, saying you care about someone isn't exactly scaring someone off. I read your post, and the letter you sent to her. Am I misunderstanding that you haven't seen her since 2006? It sounds like she has been flirtatious for sure- but that doesn't mean anything. It's possible she is flirtatious with a lot of men- and if she's online dating, she may be having similar conversations with a lot of men. It seems like you've invested a lot in someone you don't know very well. 1
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Maybe you are right about her and her "issues" then, who knows... But for you, I would say that you were too invested too quickly in this relationship, and much more than a "Hey, are you still interested?" text or Facebook message would be too much. That's just my opinion though. It would have been nicer if she had responded earlier, but you learned that she's probably a flaky person and so maybe not the best person for you anyway. Thanks. I appreciate the constructive criticism you have given me. I really appreciate it. I feel I was too hard on her for writing that letter. And what you said, unlike some posters who want to burn me at the stake, I'm glad you shared the two posts you amde about the situation. Thanks
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) I read your post, and the letter you sent to her. Am I misunderstanding that you haven't seen her since 2006? It sounds like she has been flirtatious for sure- but that doesn't mean anything. It's possible she is flirtatious with a lot of men- and if she's online dating, she may be having similar conversations with a lot of men. It seems like you've invested a lot in someone you don't know very well. You're probably right. I guess I will just have to learn from my mistake. Thanks for the input. PS Sorry if I was a bit testy at first. one of the other posts really upset me. Edited October 28, 2013 by LovesickAlberta
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I feel like a complete jerk.
Eivuwan Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I feel like a complete jerk. What's done is done. Just let it go. Your text to her is a bit judgmental, but nothing tooo bad. 3
youaremysunshine Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I have also worked in social services and maybe she is hesitant to date a former client? Also do you live near each other? Maybe she doesn't want to date some one who is away most of the time?
Assasda Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 Just dont be so trusting completely man. You have to let this chick WIN your trust. She couldnt handle the fact that, you were so into her so quickly and you didnt even know her. We al make mistakes, just try not to seek apporval from any woman 1
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 I have also worked in social services and maybe she is hesitant to date a former client? Also do you live near each other? Maybe she doesn't want to date some one who is away most of the time?
lollipopspot Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I feel like a complete jerk. Let it go. Just learn the lesson, think it through more next time, and move on. We all have many things we might have wanted to do differently in retrospect Especially don't let any perceived mistakes or set-backs affect your recovery. 1
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 29, 2013 Author Posted October 29, 2013 Let it go. Just learn the lesson, think it through more next time, and move on. We all have many things we might have wanted to do differently in retrospect Especially don't let any perceived mistakes or set-backs affect your recovery. I have to apologize. I feel so horrible now. Not right away obviously,as it may come as insincere, and the person who I wrote the letter to may still be upset. I'll give it time, maybe two weeks to a month. The big book helped me recover and stay sober for 4 1/2 years, but I must admit that I've been lazy and working 12 hour days, 42 of the last 47 days in a work camp in a remote area. I've also been lazy and not working out in the gym to combat stress. Still that's no excuse for judging someone.
forgetmenot75 Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 (edited) The best you can do right know is DISAPPEAR FOREVER. Send her a 'sorry', and disappear or she may denounce you for harassment. Take this into consideration for the future: -you cannot treat a woman like that (you dont know her still accuses her to have low self esteem??) -you definitely don't write all that things by text to a woman you barely know -no one is a saint here. you should look for an equal, not a saint. -she did nothing wrong, she promised nothing to you, how come she would play mind games? You need to address this. thinking that someone is playing mind games when the only thing she does is compliment you and then not reply to your messages is def not normal. -learn from your mistakes. Maybe she realized you were acting crazy and for that reason she stop replying...think of that, please. Edited October 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 The best you can do right know is DISAPPEAR FOREVER. Send her a 'sorry', and disappear or she may denounce you for harassment. Take this into consideration for the future: -you cannot treat a woman like that (you dont know her still accuses her to have low self esteem??) -you definitely don't write all that things by text to a woman you barely know -no one is a saint here. you should look for an equal, not a saint. -she did nothing wrong, she promised nothing to you, how come she would play mind games? You need to address this. thinking that someone is playing mind games when the only thing she does is compliment you and then not reply to your messages is def not normal. -learn from your mistakes. Maybe she realized you were acting crazy and for that reason she stop replying...think of that, please. Can you please elaborate on how I was acting crazy, before I send her the ill-advised letter?
lollipopspot Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 I have to apologize. I feel so horrible now. Not right away obviously,as it may come as insincere, and the person who I wrote the letter to may still be upset. I'll give it time, maybe two weeks to a month. The big book helped me recover and stay sober for 4 1/2 years, but I must admit that I've been lazy and working 12 hour days, 42 of the last 47 days in a work camp in a remote area. I've also been lazy and not working out in the gym to combat stress. Still that's no excuse for judging someone. Say something simple like, "I'm sorry for that text I sent. I was having a bad time. You didn't deserve it. Best wishes to you." Then let it go. You can send it right away if you want, I don't see the need for waiting. This is just my advice. Someone else may think differently. 2
Author LovesickAlberta Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 Dude, you need to start meeting girls in real life in 2013. You're obsessing over this girl because you're desperate. You're desperate because you don't realize how much hot young punani is out there for the taking. Get out there and start approaching! It's not that easy. I work 3/4 of the time in remote areas with nearly all men. The limited time I have to go home and celebrate my time off, there just are not that many woman will want a long term relationship with someone gone for that long. It's not that easy. I've been doing this for two years. Not everyone comes home from work after 4:30 PM....
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