SadFellow2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Ok I have posted on these forums before, I will try to leave this post short and sweet. I was going out with this girl for a year. We loved each other very much, and to this day I still love her, I can barely get her off my mind and there are a few things that are confusing me even more now. We broke up on October 16th, yea thats sad I remember the date lol. About two weeks before October 16th we broke up the first time and took about a week apart then we got back together. So we stay together for another week and break up the second time resulting in her telling me that she never had her time apart that she wanted and that she never wanted to be with me again. She tells me that she just wants to by my friend, I tell her no that is not possible, the reason for that is because she started dating a guy a week after breaking up with me and I would just be hurt more seeing her with another guy. We were going through some arguments and problems other relationships go through and I believe we could have worked them out. So I kept calling her and leaving her notes because I was so depressed and heart broken probably the first 2 weeks of our real break up. She says that she can't talk to me because I am hurting her when I call so she changes her number. This is when I stop giving her letters. I go in to get my paycheck a week ago and one of my work associates that is also a really good friend tells me that she told him she still loves me and that things werent working out so we are taking some time apart. Now I am totally dumbfounded to how to take this. Why would someone that loves you tell you that they don't love you anymore and that they would never want to be with you again and that there was no chance of ever getting back together say to one of your friends that she still loves you and that we are taking a break apart when she never told me this. I just don't understand, I was actually getting over her, and now back in my mind I keep having this feeling that she wants to be with me after hearing this, so now I'm back in the down cycle again. Can anyone please help me or give me some insight?
Green_and_White Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hey, The same thing happend to me pretty much. You can check out my thread. I dont get it either. We were dating for about 22 months and we were REALLY serious. We talked about marriage alot but we just graduated college and moved back home (total life changing experiences). She never gave any indication that she didnt want to be with me. She breaks up with me over the phone and says "You are my life, I cant imagine not talking to you or seeing you, I love you, I just cant be with you right now." So I believed she just wanted to be by herself for awhile so I backed off, didnt bug her and I listened to all the advice on this site. At times I can kick myself for not trying to get her back but to my credit I really believed that she needed this. She has refused to see me for the last 3 months. She made me mail her something of hers when we live about 8 miles apart. Everything has become so confusing and now she has a bf that was her friend since she was a kid. She also said she just lost the "feeling" about 2 weeks after we broke up and that she doesnt love me anymore. I honestly dont think you can stop loving someone in about 2 weeks but it begs the quesiton did she even really love me? I dont know if this will even help but I would question her motives if she is dating someone. I've gone without her for 3 months and everyone I date or hookup with doesnt do me any better. So I dont know how someone who is in love with someone can be with someone else.
SpaceCoyote Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hmmm... looks like this is becoming the "Dumped Guy thread." SadFellow, your story sounds very similar to mine in the way the relationship went, the way it ended, and some of the things she said to me after it was over. So I'll just tell you some of my own reflections on my experience (where it is similar to yours) and maybe it can help you shed some light. It is possible for a person to care about you and not want to be with you. My ex has told me this so many times that it rings in my head. She does love me and cares for me as a person and she didn't want to hurt me. But at the same time, she knew she didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. The ups and downs of your relationship probably affected her more than you realize. My ex and I definitively had some problems but I was also of the belief that we could work them out and that our love for each other would overcome them. But she has since told me that she didn't share my belief that we would put those problems behind us and that the fact that they lingered throughout the relationship really convinced her of that, and ultimately convinced her that we shouldn't be together. My ex started dating a guy a week after we broke up too. I think emotionally she had started pulling away from me and questioning whether I was the guy she wanted to be with long before the relationship ended. It only continued on because she did care about me and didn't want to hurt me and so she continued on for a while, and even had some very good moments with me that at times would make her think maybe there was a chance. But eventually she reached a point where she didn't want it anymore, and because it was something she had been thinking about for a while, it was easy for her to move into a relationship with someone else. As for what she said to your coworker, thats a new one to me, so now I'm just speculating.... I think she really does still love you, but in the way I described earlier: caring for you as a person. I don't know why she said you were taking a break, and I hesitate to speculate whether that was real or not. But I would venture she does have fond memories when she thinks about you and it is nice to have you there in the background (which is why she asked to remain friends). But at this point, I wouldn't hold out much hope that she wants to get back together.
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