Just another love story

[Soccerguy204]

I would like to kindly ask mods to move the thread if its not in appropriate section.

 

First of all I would like to thank everyone here for this wonderful forum and many opinions. I am relatively new here (registration wise), but I have been reading you guys, before I finally realised maybe I should share my experience. Please bear with my because my story somewhat requires certain details.

 

Its been almost 3 years, that I cant forget my ex-gf. I read some of the stories, from some of you, for who its been decades and I have to admit, I admire your patience.

 

To be precise I met her in 2009...online!..I was a foreign student to Canada. Those days being really young, I would spend my time messaging women and men from same city to do some "networking" to just be friends and what not. ( And to improve my english). I came across her profile and dropped her a couple of sentences after which, I totally forgot about her.

 

Some time later I received an answer from her and we started talking. Turned out she used to be an exchange student from Latin America (Brasil) back in the city I was living in. We spend 12-14 hours a day on facebook and skype talking (No video chat) about all kinds of things. Then we exchanged photos and turns out we liked each other. At the time I was working at a bank, the pay was decent, but I had major throat issues and required an immideate medical attention. Long story short i was out for a month or two and pretty broke. She sent me money, a man she never met, because she knew I had financial difficulties...

 

As it turned out she was going to travel to the city I lived in in next month or so which was great. Of course I was extremely excited to meet her. She kept telling me how ugly she is and that she is out of shape and not to expect much of her. But when we finally met, she seemed perfect. She was amazingly beautiful (Imagine a German who grew up in Latin America), extremely smart (masters in law), superbly well-behaved (actually she never even kissed a guy prior to me)...

 

And then there was me: scruffy, thin from this throat crap, extremely tired, not so well behaved Italian. When she got off cab I was standing in the doors of my apartment complex wrapped in a wool blanket cuz I was still shaking from couple of days of painkillers. I dont even know what she found in me...

 

A day later when I felt a bit better I decided to take her out. We went out to a bar for friends birthday. For all the time we spent together it felt so right to be with her, we would kiss non-stop, people actually thought we were a bit off (well none of my friends ever thought I d fall in love again after my ex, but thats another story which does relate)...that night we slept together for the first time, we were both somewhat tipsy from all the red wine, I asked her if she really wanted it and she said yes. That was a first time for her and I have to admit a memorable experience for me.

 

I have to admit, at the time I admired her, but I dont think there was anything called love in my heart for her..I had a really negative experience with my first really long relationship and I felt like this woman will betray me as well. I said to myself, I should put her through tests and see if she will really make it.

 

I guess, I was less than good to her...I am going to omit the details of it, but at some point, I have discovered, that my parents arent really my parents which they were hiding from me for several decades, which included my nationality,my identity even my age. I felt really betrayed and really depressed by it and I guess to an extent it was a reflection of my treatment on her. I didnt tell her what has happened or why is this happening. On other hand I have discovered new opportunities with the confessions of my parents. Using my savings and some of the money she gave me (together about 90k) I proceeded to purchase a share in a poker club with two other italian guys. It ran faily well, giving us profit of gross 190-300k each a month (obviously cash). There was quite a few shady things going down but I overlooked that since it didnt happen on my shift and we never had any major trouble in our club, being italian, we really didnt let people slip doing stupid **** or endanger our patrons.

 

This was good and dandy but was not really comfortable with her. Her friends who felt jealous of our well-being kept constantly whispering in her ear how bad I am, that I am likely cheating since there are so many women around me, I must admit my own behaviour wasnt great either. Nights on end I would show up at home ( at that point we lived together) drunk, with obscene amounts of money, sometimes extremely high: she would undress me and put me into bed and lay with me, deal with my stupidity, irritatation and overall abusive behavior.

 

Government shut our club down in november 2009. We lost everything within a heartbeat, went from doing good to doing bad,being young at time I thought I could always remake the cash so I never cared to save and quit the school for the lucrative business. Her family and her carried us financially...I became grumpier and kept treating her like ****. At the time I still didnt realise I loved her...In december 2009 we had an episode where I worked in a bar (i got a low-paying job) and showed up home to her in tears crying that I cheated ( i have to admit, I did.) She started slapping me at which point I felt like being drunk and angry (I ve NEVER RAISED A HAND ON A WOMAN) I grabbed her and tossed her out in a nightgown into a freezing cold (we are talking Canada winter here) then shut the door. That same night she had to get picked up by Emergency, she was pregnant and miscarried..

 

I think at that point I realised It was time for a change...she gave me yet another chance, after giving me countless number of them and without me realising that I am running her thin...Things started to get better because I finally started to fall in love with her, but at this point she had to travel home to finish up her schooling. She left and I was left alone. We video-chatted every day and everything was great she was planned to comeback in June 2010...

 

I discovered she was talking to some guy who was trying to wedge between us and flipped. I insulted her severely multiple times, she was so offended she woldnt even tell when her plane lands...i sat from 9 am to 9 am next morning waiting for every Chi-town plane to land to meet her...finally I managed...she seemed somewhat cold and overly polite...I didnt like it.

 

The next day I showed up at her door to discover shes going to this guy's sisters bday party...i followed them behind all the way to the party and had a pretty major brawl with the guy...his family pressed charges against me and she was beside me all the way. She never talked to the guy again.

 

August 2010 she had to leave again to get her diploma...we met...she said she will always love me, but she doesnt think we are meant to be...she thinks that I will never change, she asked me to forgive her,kissed me last time and left...i ve never seen her since (physically)...

 

In january she started dating some guy that used to date a really close girl friend(buddy) of mine. He was arabic, and my friend didnt speak highly of him, least to say me being brought up in the family of christian turkish who escaped Iran from muslim extrimists and latter being told I was italian by birth had almost a genetic hate for this guy...

 

Shes still with him and apparently he does everything to make her happy...I am married now, I am with wonderful woman, who is 12 years older than me, its more of a companionship than real love..its been 2 years now...she seems happy (my ex)...apparently I quote: "hes 1000 times the man you are"...yes I did try to contact her recently..i relayed her how i felt because ever since she left i couldnt stop thinking of her. I actually realised I loved her, that we were made for each other, but maybe shes right not meant to be...

 

she told me i lied to her so many times she cant believe me without a proof and she wants money me and her invested back in the day...shes in Canada now shares apartment with this dude who sits on his daddys and hers neck...guess i cant critisize him since i am a piece of **** myself, but i did change: got a good job, prioritized my life and thought im missing last piece of puzzle-her. I figured I ll pay her her money once i am back, 2-3k at a time so that way i can get to see her every time i have to give her the cash..she also wants paper proof of some of the stuff...

 

3 years later and thousands of days of analyzing what i did wrong...hoping one day to get another chance.

 

I would like to say, I know I am piece of ****...so I really dont need to hear it if any of you plan to. I guess its also worth adding a lot of that stuff (being an ass) came with a new job I had at the time, which I couldnt disclose to her, because I would put her in danger (that is what she wants proof for) I spent years realising it and now as you can see I sacrificed best thing that EVER happened or MAY HAPPEN because I was dumb...truely stupid I know...but this is where I am at and I dont know how to move on or what to do...shortly I will be back to Canada and I will be in the same city with her yet again, but I still havent figured out a way to move along with my life without her....

Edited October 27, 2013 by Soccerguy204

[Soccerguy204]

I was hoping you guys can offer some advice or share your thoughts. That would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[Minnie09]

Some people always want what they can't have. Apparently you abused your ex until she left. Now she's with somebody else and that's not acceptable to you, while at the same time you're in a committed R with somebody else? The current relationship is what you should worry about. That means if you have something set up with your ex to meet, you owe it to your current gf/spouse that she knows the truth. Then go from there. Is she going to be ok with it or is she going to ask you whether or not you want to be with the ex? What's your priority? If you want your ex back......end the current R, or chase the ex and let your current partner have a side relationship as well. I don't know. I have a hard time understanding people like you. All over the place and never ready to stick with a decision. Love is a commitment, not a feeling, and if you feel jealous now because your ex has moved on, you'll feel jealous as soon as your current partner has moved on. It's all about you. Not them. Take a look at yourself first. Maybe you're unfit to be in any R whatsoever. Immature. You know?

[Soccerguy204]

Some people always want what they can't have. Apparently you abused your ex until she left. Now she's with somebody else and that's not acceptable to you, while at the same time you're in a committed R with somebody else? The current relationship is what you should worry about. That means if you have something set up with your ex to meet, you owe it to your current gf/spouse that she knows the truth. Then go from there. Is she going to be ok with it or is she going to ask you whether or not you want to be with the ex? What's your priority? If you want your ex back......end the current R, or chase the ex and let your current partner have a side relationship as well. I don't know. I have a hard time understanding people like you. All over the place and never ready to stick with a decision. Love is a commitment, not a feeling, and if you feel jealous now because your ex has moved on, you'll feel jealous as soon as your current partner has moved on. It's all about you. Not them. Take a look at yourself first. Maybe you're unfit to be in any R whatsoever. Immature. You know?

 

Like I mentioned above my relationship with my current significant other is a companionship. She knew from the get go, who my heart really belongs to, though I have to admit, I do have her in my heart (mainly because I live with her for all this time and do care for her dearly).

 

What I am interested in is, why would a woman want to see me after all this? Is that just money or?

 

Btw I hear you on the immaturity part, maybe I was but I am definetly not anymore. I feel like I know what I want...

[Steen719]

We can't answer what is in her heart, but if it were me, it would be way too late to reestablish any kind of relationship. Maybe it is the money or maybe it is some form of closure for her.

 

It's too bad you didn't value her when you had her, but sometimes too much has happened to change how being treated so poorly makes a person feel.

 

I say move on and leave her alone. She was good to you when you needed someone. Return the favor.

[Soccerguy204]

We can't answer what is in her heart, but if it were me, it would be way too late to reestablish any kind of relationship. Maybe it is the money or maybe it is some form of closure for her.

 

It's too bad you didn't value her when you had her, but sometimes too much has happened to change how being treated so poorly makes a person feel.

 

I say move on and leave her alone. She was good to you when you needed someone. Return the favor.

 

I am pretty sure people on this forum (including you) know that it isnt that easy to move on and leave someone you love, or I wouldnt open this thread or even talk about it, right?

[Steen719]

I am pretty sure people on this forum (including you) know that it isnt that easy to move on and leave someone you love, or I wouldnt open this thread or even talk about it, right?

 

Experience is a good teacher and I was trying to share what I have experienced. It is sometimes better to move forward than to stay stuck in the muck of heartbreak. Of course, it is not easy, but ultimately, you may not have a choice. I'll bow out - just trying to get you to see that sometimes hearts that are broken cannot be fixed by those who broke it. Sometimes, it takes the next person. Good luck.