Anxious

[Christyspells77]

So I have a broad question... the current circumstance is complicated but I'll attempt to simplify it down to just the basics.

I currently am seeing someone who initially was head over heels for me- so much so that I was a little put off by it. With time (it's been about two months) he has cooled down,and for the most part it's pretty balanced and calm.

Although I am glad it's cooled down, I feel like I have developed some anxiety along with it. For instance, I want to ensure that he will still want to be with me so apart of me feels pressured to be smart, funny, entertaining and I feel like I just can't relax and let things be.

 

I feel like this may be a common problem for people but I can't help but feel like I may ruin the relationship because I feel like I am not as easy going and relaxed as I initially once was and he may be picking up on it. I do not want this to end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy but I just feel like whenever he calls or texts me I feel like it is my job to entertain and if I feel the conversation is boring and dull- I take it out on myself and feel like he is going to think I am uninteresting. I am 25 years old and I feel like a lot of this has to do with my last long-term realtionship where I constantly felt like I was never good enough for my boyfriend as he put me down a lot or didn't seem to listen or care about what I had to say.

 

This guy is completely different and does care about what I have to say but I am worried that I may come across as too eager because I know I feel like I have this pressure over me to "entertain". Logically, I know this isn't the case but emotionally I keep giving into the cycle! I was just hoping someone may have words of wisdom that could assist me in realizing that I really don't need to entertain him and that it's okay if things are not always exciting, and we are not always laughing. It's like the minute I feel like we have nothing to say to each other, I relate that to me being boring. It's very anxiety provoking and I would love to hear any feedback/people have felt similair in the past.

 

Thanks

 

Christy

[Outsider77]

I think you are over-thinking this. Relax, you don't need to entertain him. It sounds like you are worried that your natural, normal self is not enough to keep him happy.

 

You need to get some self-esteem. If he has been with you this long, he must like you. If for some reason he does lose interest in you, it's probably for the best that you would break up instead of you trying to keep him by being more "entertaining". He needs to like you for who you are, for real. Not for who you want to be or who you think he wants you to be.

 

If you do have a long-term relationship, you need to be with someone who appreciates you for who you really are. Because you can't be putting on an act all the time. Sometimes things do get boring in a LTR. That's normal and a part of life.