movingbackwards Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 We were together 5 years... after going NC with her she came back after about 3 months. Her rebound went crazy on her and they broke up. She had texted me a few times and wanted to see me as "friends" I saw her last night for the first time since we broke up. She wound up coming to my house and talking with me until the early morning. We talked about our relationship, her rebound, etc.. She spoke of "if we got back together" and trying to see if I had truly changed. Now she's got my head spinning again and it's driving me insane. I was healed and feeling great. I texted her today asking if she had wanted to do anything before she went back home (she lives a few hours away) and she said she was busy. I responded and haven't got anything back in hours. Now it seems like she's busy or ignoring me. Am I reading too far into this? If she really wanted to make it work, wouldn't she be wanting to do anything in her power to see me today? Or is she playing it slow so we don't do anything stupid? I don't even know if I want to be back with her. Part of me says I do and part of me doesn't.
reddragon588 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Go NC. If she's serious about what she said last night about getting back together, she'll return, just like she did the first time.
haggard969 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 if she pulls the same crap n goes out with him again, next time when she crawls back tell her she can talk when your gf goes home, let her know she lost her chance even if you dont have one
KatZee Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Sounds like she wanted you to be her little emotional tampon. She ran right back to you only because her rebound went bat s.hit on her. If he didn't, she wouldn't have come back, the other guy still would have been "better" than you. Now her ego is all sore, she wanted that ego stroke from you, wanted to tug that leash, see if you were still there... and lo and behold she got the answer she was looking for: yes you are still there, and still very much affected by her. You also then pursued again, and sounds like she is either genuinely busy, or being a typical dumper, she just got cold feet, freaked out, and probably doesn't want to come back in a girlfriend capacity at all. NC. NC. NC. Unless she's coming back and saying these words, in this order, ignore her completely!! "I miss you, I made the biggest mistake of my life, I love you and I want to be with you and only." 5
GTNBTTR Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I'm going to give you the harsh truth here. Her coming to you after her rebound didn't work out was because she didn't want to be lonely. You provided the comfort she was after and then she went back home happy again. You were her night of fun with maybe a little closure on her end. She wanted to see if she still had you hooked and you proved that she does. The night spent with you was a selfish act on her end for her own fulfillment. Do not contact her, do not text her, do not respond to her text. The only text you respond to from her is a melt down text. The text where she will realize that she's the one who made the mistake letting you go. If she texts you with something like that you still need to ask yourself if this problem will ever come up again and if so do you really want to go through exactly what you have already been through with this.
Author movingbackwards Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 (edited) Thank you guys for your responses. I completely agree. I'm confused as to why she would bring up all the things about us being back together if she wasn't serious? She admitted to me last night she messed up and she was completely in the wrong. She definitely was trying to relinquish her guilt. She told me how bad she felt for ignoring me and that she was devastated but it "had to be done" I told her, in the future, if she's going to ignore me, to let me know that she can't speak with me and to be honest. She did wind up texting me back. We are very short with each other through texts. I'm having a hard time thinking if I shut her out, will it hurt my chances or should I casually text her to build back our relationship? Should I let her know before she heads home that I only want to speak with her if it's about getting back together or is that too forward? Other than that I will be going back to NC. Edited October 27, 2013 by movingbackwards
GTNBTTR Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 More often then not the best thing to say is nothing at all. This gives you time to heal and her time to figure out what it is that she truly wants. Continuing contact at this point is not smart as it will only smother her. The best thing you can do is pick up a new hobby, work out, hang out with friends, etc. Do whatever you can to keep your mind off her. I know it's hard but it will help more than anything else.
Author movingbackwards Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 I don't know if I should give her an ultimatum or not. Or at least try to figure out how she feels about the future. Since she dumped me I'm not sure if I should leave that up to her or not.
KatZee Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 No. No ultimatum. NOTHING. Pretend this little get together didn't even happen. You said you were happy and moving on. Go back to that. Don't expect or anticipate anything further to happen with this situation. Don't even tell her you're going back to NC. Just do it. Do not initiate talking to her. Don't participate in any idle chit-chat, especially stupid superficial crap. You're not her friend. She knows exactly where you are, and the door to communication has been opened and apparently it went as well as it could without anger or attacking each other, so if she really has something important or life changing to say, she WILL say it. If you get nothing along the lines of, "I love you and want to be with you" then you will know she never had any intentions of coming back it was all smoke and mirrors to clear her own conscience. Don't talk to her "occasionally" because that won't give her any reason to come back. She will technically have you in her life in the capacity she wants. The old faithful buddy who's there to listen to her bitch and moan about all her new crappy boyfriends. Be out of her life. Completely. She doesn't control what happens in the future. YOU DO. If she decides to say those words. Fantastic. But that's up to you whether you're going to take her up on that or not. If you go and contact her, asking about a "future" then you may as well have handed over your balls to her on a silver platter.
barky2 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I've read some of the responses so far but no one has point out one thing. So I got you op. SHE NEEDS TO BE SINGLE FOR AWHILE!!! You to rebound back to you MAKES YOU A REBOUND AND YOU WILL BE DUMPED OUT LIKE LAST WEEKS TRASH. Straight up dude, tell her hit you up in a few months. If she can't wait she's only back for herself not for you. Barky 2
Author movingbackwards Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 I've read some of the responses so far but no one has point out one thing. So I got you op. SHE NEEDS TO BE SINGLE FOR AWHILE!!! You to rebound back to you MAKES YOU A REBOUND AND YOU WILL BE DUMPED OUT LIKE LAST WEEKS TRASH. Straight up dude, tell her hit you up in a few months. If she can't wait she's only back for herself not for you. Barky You said it. I just finished talking to her and indirectly asked her about how she feels about everything. She said she still misses me but needs this time to go differently and she needs to be alone for a while.. I told her this was the best decision for her and I truly think it is. I won't go NC but I will not initiate contact.
Never Again Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 You said it. I just finished talking to her and indirectly asked her about how she feels about everything. She said she still misses me but needs this time to go differently and she needs to be alone for a while.. I told her this was the best decision for her and I truly think it is. I won't go NC but I will not initiate contact. If you're going to insist on not cutting contact entirely (which I urge you to do...she's not alone if she can lean on you emotionally...don't be the platonic boyfriend), then you need to keep your conversations brief and to the point. No helping her explore her feelings. You're not going to talk her through this or be her buddy. Do not let her use you again.
Author movingbackwards Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 (edited) Unfortunately not my first rodeo op. Barky Thank you barky. My only question now is, after some time, do I really only accept " I love you and I made a mistake?" Or does starting off slowly have a similar response? This is not expected and is purely hypothetical. Just wondering how to react. Edited October 28, 2013 by movingbackwards
barky2 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Deal with that headache then. Focus on you. And only you. You may get that call,you may not. If I was you? Because I once was. Live like it's not going to happen dude. Barky 2
Author movingbackwards Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Wow this has been a melting pot of emotions for me today. I really hope our discussion last night didn't hinder our future reconciliation. I know it's not healthy to think that way but we discussed our personal futures and I just hope the things I said didn't hurt my chances with her. It's amazing what a few months will do to a person. I am going to continue working on myself but her being single now is hurting me. I liked her with this guy because I hated him and I despised the way she treated me so I could bundle it all up and just say I hate her and move on. Now she has gotten the guilt off of her chest and isn't with him anymore and she told me she fully understands the way she acted during our relationship was wrong. I don't have any residual hateful feelings for her so it is making it more tough. I will be going very LC with zero initiation and I'm going to give her space, but at some point is it worth proving to her that I can be there for her? I know it's bad to pine but I still want to show her she means something to me at some point...not just leave it up to her....and I was doing so well...
conf Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 She spoke of "if we got back together" and trying to see if I had truly changed. I dont know your story but are you the only one who made mistakes? She blames only you about the failing of the relationship. It seems that she did not learn anything from your break up. I think that the same problems will arise if you get back together right now. She is not ready (maybe she is on rebound mode or she feels lonely). For a successful second chance is needed to both of the partners have changed/learned from their mistakes/grown up. But this is just my opinion, i dont know your situation 1
Author movingbackwards Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 I wasn't on the the same page as her for future plans. At 23-24 I wasn't thinking about my future jobs/kids as much as she was. I was enjoying my mid twenties and she was looking to settle down. Our conversation turned to what we wanted from our futures. She wants to see me inspired and motivated to being successful. I don't think in our conversation I seemed anything but what I was when we broke it off. I did start going to school again so that's a plus. It's extremely tough. I know we need this time apart and she said she needs to be alone before she "tries anything again" I know I shouldn't read too deep into this as she may realize she doesn't want anything to do with me after a couple months but I can only read that over and over hoping she really means she wants to try again in the future. I have gone from being healed to just so incredibly sad. It's amazing what staring deep into the eyes of someone you once shared so much with can do to you. It's poetic, sad, confusing, and beautiful. Life is so short, I just want to love her regardless of stupid mistakes in the past. I'm going to spend the next 2 months totally driven to improve myself for ME and hopefully down the road she will see that I'm a driven, committed person and maybe we can give it another shot.
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 You said it. I just finished talking to her and indirectly asked her about how she feels about everything. She said she still misses me but needs this time to go differently and she needs to be alone for a while.. I told her this was the best decision for her and I truly think it is. I won't go NC but I will not initiate contact. Yep! Congratulations. All you did was give her a needed ego boost. So, back to NC and move on with your life.
Author movingbackwards Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Yep! Congratulations. All you did was give her a needed ego boost. So, back to NC and move on with your life. Look, I get it. Of course that's what happened...but if it brings me closer to reuniting in the future, I'm for it. Her conscious may be a bit cleared and I got some good closure if we never get back. I don't live my life in bitter grudges. I'm hoping she will come around in a few months but I'm not going to pine or be too sure I'll ever speak to her like that again. I just wish I could have made our meeting look a little better on my part. I had no idea we would even be seeing each other that day so I wasn't dressed to keenly and my house was a wreck but so be it. She still contacts my family quite frequently I found out. I think she still wants to be back in my life but is just confused. Anyone had any experiences with LTR breakup, meeting after 4-5 months, and then reconciliation months after?
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