When to tell someone your dating about a medical diagnosis?

[Gallaxia]

When is a good time to disclose a medical condition to the person you're dating? I was diagnosed with Lupus about a year ago. I just recently started seeing someone new. We're taking our time and things are progressing nicely- and we've already had sex. Anyway, I have no idea when's the right time to mention my diagnosis. Anyone have a clue? I'm trying to tread lightly on this convo because his last remaining parent just died over the summer so I'm really not sure when or how to do this while remaining sensitive to his emotional state (of mourning). Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[FitChick]

I'd wait. Most people have no idea what it is. If you are healthy and functioning otherwise, don't say anything. If you both want children, does lupus interfere with fertility?

[Gallaxia]

I'm definitely healthy & active: Try to eat healthy, run/walk 2 miles a day, etc. It can interfere with fertility but it's a case by case basis. Some women have absolutely no problems at all. If anything a pregnancy would bring on (more) fatigue. Worst case scenario would be to go the surrogacy route in the similar way women who'd have battled cancer, would resort to, for children.

 

I think he may have seen a pill bottle in my purse and he could have been fishing for info because we had a conversation where he mentioned some of the things he experiences -anxiety etc. etc. I just don't know if this was the invitation to say something or not.

 

Also, the guy I'm seeing has a young daughter from a previous relationship... Thanks for the reply, btw.

Edited October 27, 2013 by Gallaxia

[KathyM]

I don't really think it's fair to a dating partner to keep that kind of important information from them. They have a right to know early on if they are going to invest their time and emotions into a relationship with you. If it's going to be a dealbreaker for them, it's best to find out early on before you've wasted their time and your time and emotions in getting close to someone. I think disclosing a serious medical condition within the first few dates would be the kind thing to do, rather than waiting until they've developed feelings for you.

[ConstantVoyager]

I usually discuss issues like this when the relationship become officially exclusive.

[Gallaxia]

Well I don't know what to do now....lol

[Carenth]

I always tell people my medical conditions pretty early on. Not the first few dates but once we start to break down those barriers and get to know each other. It's only fair they know, I've never been rejected based on my condition.

 

Which is epilepsy by the way, though I haven't had a seizure in years I still have to take medication for legal reasons in order for me to be able to drive.

[Sunny_Girl]

My personal opinion is, if you're close enough to trust him intimately (with your body), then you should be open and honest about your condition. If its a deal breaker for him, then it's better to know now than later.

[D-Lish]

Well I don't know what to do now....lol

 

Discuss it when you feel comfortable discussing it- end of story. Don't let anyone tell you it's a mandatory discussion to have straight away.

 

If I met someone, and I liked them- a medical problem wouldn't discourage me from seeing them. I take meds for anxiety, and I bust out that information when I'm good and ready to do so.

 

Obviously you will want to say something before things get too serious- but the moment you bring it up belongs to you- and you will know when it's the right time.

 

Trust your instincts.

[Art_Critic]

Discuss it when you feel comfortable discussing it- end of story.

 

I agree...

 

This isn't a medical diagnosis but I waited different amounts of time to when I told who I was dating that I was an Alcoholic, a recovering one but still an Alcoholic.

I always waited till I felt they would listen to me, discuss it and understand my feelings about it before they threw out the baby with the bath water so to speak...

I understood that they would want to feel assured that I wasn't going on a bender after the date

[Gallaxia]

Thanks guys, this has been really helpful. I appreciate it.