SarahJames Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I ended things with the MM on good terms a little bit ago. I told him that he contacted me too frequently (even as a just a friend)and I needed space to move on. He sent me an e-mail about an event in his life and I wished him well. He just responded by telling me a little more detail about what happened and saying thanks. Probably a sentence long e-mail. I'm sort of hurt by this. He didn't even ask me how things are going in my life. I question why he even tries to talk to me at all. I think the fact is, I'd be hurt if the reality was he is okay with these circumstances and doesn't even really miss what we had. I think that IS the reality...it hurts. It really hurts to know you didn't mean much to someone when they meant so much to you.
Speakingofwhich Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I ended things with the MM on good terms a little bit ago. I told him that he contacted me too frequently (even as a just a friend)and I needed space to move on. He sent me an e-mail about an event in his life and I wished him well. He just responded by telling me a little more detail about what happened and saying thanks. Probably a sentence long e-mail. I'm sort of hurt by this. He didn't even ask me how things are going in my life. I question why he even tries to talk to me at all. I think the fact is, I'd be hurt if the reality was he is okay with these circumstances and doesn't even really miss what we had. I think that IS the reality...it hurts. It really hurts to know you didn't mean much to someone when they meant so much to you. Maybe he would have liked to have written more, ie asked you about your life, but was trying to be brief as he may have felt he was imposing on you for contacting you since you asked for NC. There's so much pain associated with As and also with ending them. Trying to remember how long it's been since you went NC?
Author SarahJames Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 Not long at all. Not long enough for the pain to subside. I guess I should just be grateful that he remembered me at all to mention major events in his life... Talking to them hurts, not talking to them hurts...what's a woman to do?
GatsbyMH Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Not long at all. Not long enough for the pain to subside. I guess I should just be grateful that he remembered me at all to mention major events in his life... Talking to them hurts, not talking to them hurts...what's a woman to do? Breathe. Just keep breathing and it will get better one day.
Daisy2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Breathe. Just keep breathing and it will get better one day. That's about it. Keep breathing and plunging ahead. Each day will be a little better. But I can promise you that if you break NC or try to be just friends, it will take a lot longer, if ever. Trust me. Hang in there.
whichwayisup Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I ended things with the MM on good terms a little bit ago. I told him that he contacted me too frequently (even as a just a friend)and I needed space to move on. He sent me an e-mail about an event in his life and I wished him well. He just responded by telling me a little more detail about what happened and saying thanks. Probably a sentence long e-mail. I'm sort of hurt by this. He didn't even ask me how things are going in my life. I question why he even tries to talk to me at all. I think the fact is, I'd be hurt if the reality was he is okay with these circumstances and doesn't even really miss what we had. I think that IS the reality...it hurts. It really hurts to know you didn't mean much to someone when they meant so much to you. You are creating this, and it's your ego that's hurting. What I mean by this is, you ended the A on good terms. You said he contacted you too much, you wanted space to move on. He contacts you, instead of ignoring, you reply, giving him the green light to say more, then he says more and it's not to your liking. It's like you want the contact but on YOUR terms. You can't control that though unless you cut ALL contact out completely and for good. Hope this makes sense to you. You can't have it both ways! Want space and distance, but when there is contact he isn't asking about you and your life. I say just ignore and block him. If it is over, and it ended on good terms, why not just let it be? Remember him and the memories fondly...From afar. 3
psm04 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I hate wondering about these things too. I even have to think for like ten minutes before even saying hi to him at work. He has said that he does the same thing. I guess maybe your guy doesn't want to cross a boundary with you. Maybe he is respecting the fact that you needed space. So he tells you something about his life, which is OK in his mind, but asking about you would be crossing the line? Also,men and women think and act differently about these things. Men deal with heartbreak and break ups different from women. I wouldn't think that you never meant anything to him. I'm sure you did, and that's why he was sharing his news with you. Actually, the fact that he didn't go any further or use that email as an 'opening act' means that he is respectful of your wishes. That should show his level of caring
Lessons Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Sarah, you have already admitted that you are completely obsessed with trying to understand infidelity - reading everything you can find, mulling it over and over in your mind, and staying "connected" to your affair even though you claim it is over. Now xMM contacts you, and you are right back in the whirlpool . . . why do you do this to yourself? My xMOM told me that he will never be able to stop contacting me . . . so when I requested NC because I had to get out of the affair and get back to my own marriage, I knew I had to block him. Sure it was hard - but it is the ONLY way to be in control. Your xMM has nothing to lose by contacting you . . . YOU are the only one hurting right now. For your own sanity, please block him . . . and then try to move on. As long as he has an avenue to get in touch with you, you will still hold out that little bit of hope that he will. And that hope is what stalls the healing process for you. All the best to you - I hope this doesn't turn out to be a huge setback. 1
bentleychic Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I will say that being obsessed with infidelity is NOT going to help you move on. It sounds like it is basically encompassing your life right now. You're giving up one addiction (MM) for another (infidelity research). I'm honestly a bit concerned with you after seeing so many of your posts recently. 1
RickFox Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 just like someone else said, you ended it but you want him to contact you and ask about you on your terms. So when he doesn't now you're upset. Look, is he selfish, sure is, but speaking from a male prospective, he told you something important to him and you wished him well..... in other words, you didn't care, that's the way he saw it, so he tried again and he got nothing again. When my xmw ended it, it cut like a knife, but what you assume was on good terms for you might not have felt that way to him. If a guy is told to leave you alone and he's not stupid, he's not going to waste energy chasing you and asking you anything when to him you appear to not give two craps. You ended it, said he was crowding you, brushed him off and you still want him to be interested. You got the desired result, be happy be is respecting it, if he still is, and move on from him. I will never again show or tell xmw what our time together meant at all.... you need to do the same with your mm and let him go as you wanted to be left alone
LaceyFace Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I ended things with the MM on good terms a little bit ago. I told him that he contacted me too frequently (even as a just a friend)and I needed space to move on. He sent me an e-mail about an event in his life and I wished him well. He just responded by telling me a little more detail about what happened and saying thanks. Probably a sentence long e-mail. I'm sort of hurt by this. He didn't even ask me how things are going in my life. I question why he even tries to talk to me at all. I think the fact is, I'd be hurt if the reality was he is okay with these circumstances and doesn't even really miss what we had. I think that IS the reality...it hurts. It really hurts to know you didn't mean much to someone when they meant so much to you. I think majority of our MM have feelings. They are either afraid to show because of their circumstances or they don't want to be seen as vulnerable. He may have let you go easily knowing he won't leave his wife, that maybe it's for the best even tho he cares. Stay strong.
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