katielee Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 drifter - of course I don't do that.... I've read the book. It also says just compensation and retribution must/should be made. Perhaps if he'd make some grand gesture I could do this..... like offer to quit his job or move with me....
jnel921 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Those of us who are R have to learn to forgive as our WS need to earn this as well. I don't think you ever forget. In my own cheery typs posts I mention how we can talk with less tears. I do not want to discount your depression but perhaps your H didn't know how to deal with this. It's not exactly the most positive experience. Some people just can't deal. By no means is an affair acceptable, but for reasons that are your own you decided to work it out with him and so far so good. This newfound love and relationship should be lifting your spirits. Don't spend too much time thinking about what he did. He is no longer this person. I have to beleive this as well if I want my own M to work. I think my H is clear on what the consequences are if I feel we couldn't reconnect. Don't let your thoughts chip away at what your H has taken so long to rebuild. Many people on here would give their left arm to have their WS come to their senses and work on the M. So stop looking at the door that has closed behind you and enjoy the new pathway that has been created in your life.
michelangelo Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I think,you ought to stop struggling with forgiveness for awhile and just accept that your spouse cheated. The anger and hurt are defensive strategies designed to help you cope until you can replace them with others. You don't owe him forgiveness. If you are not ready, then work on yourself and what makes you happy. I'm not suggesting you accept ongoing infidelity, btw. Just the shock of knowing you have been cheated on and accepting any blame for it. It was not your fault, you are traumatized. I recommend IC to deal with the trauma.
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