Polynikes Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 I've known this girl for about two and a half years. We are in college: she is a junior and I am in my fifth year, going to medical school next fall. The past two years we've been involved in a community service organization on campus. It's a really small group, and I've been the vice-president and president since I've known her. I always thought she was very attractive but, like me, she seems shy and doesn't put herself out there a lot. Consequently, I thought she had a boyfriend for a while, but now I don't think she does. My friends have wanted me to ask her out for a long time, but I've always waited, looking for the 'right moment' or whatever. There have been some of my girl friends in the club that say she is attracted to me (even one's sister came one time and immediately said something about it), but I've never really noticed it. Yes, I'm one of those oblivious type of guys. I would say that I've had a few 'perfect' chances to ask her out, but I didn't pull through for whatever reason. I try to talk to her on instant messenger, but she only talks to me if I talk to her. Normally I would say that that is a negative sign, but I think she is kinda like me.... nervous around people she likes and maybe afraid to talk to me. The strange thing is that whenever I talk to her online, she will always say goodbye to me whenever she leaves, even if neither of us has typed anything for 30 minutes. No one else I know does that. I'm really interested in this girl. Because of medical school, I don't know where I'll be next year. I don't want to look back years from now and wonder what could have happened. In a way, I want to just pour my heart out to this girl, that I really want to get to know her better, that I think we have a lot of things in common. This is something that's hard for me to do... Girls have always gone after me. Every single one of my girlfriends showed interest in me first and I guess over the years I've gotten used to girls being interested in me (they say I am attractive.....). But now, I've met a girl that I'm really supremely interested in, yet I don't have the experience in going for her. I asked her out to a party the other week and she ended up not coming. I few months ago I asked her out to eat but she was going home for the weekend. I don't know what to do now. I never call her, so it might look really weird if I do. I don't want to seem like a stalker. Sometimes I get the feeling she is waiting for someone to kinda sweep her off her feet and initiate all of this; she puts song lyrics in her profile similar to that. So yeah, I realize this is kinda a hodgepodge of information, hopefully someone can help me. It's getting to the point where I don't know if she's really interested in me anymore--maybe I've waited too long. But better late than never? One more thing: she was our secretary for a while in the group and now she is succeeding me as president since I am leaving. I think that was a little bit of a negative thing between us because our relationship was extremely business-like. I think that has definitely been a factor in all of this. Thanks for any comments.
daterhater Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 Exactly how shy is she? If she's anything like me, she may like you waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more than you realize. As far as not talking to you on AIM unless you talk to her first, I always do that with guys I like. The only guys I don't do that to are ones I don't care about. Plus you're older than her, you're President of this club, etc. I'd guess she was intimidated and expected you to make the first move.
alphamale Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 Originally posted by Polynikes going to medical school next fall. The past two years we've been involved in a community service organization on campus. It's a really small group, and I've been the vice-president and president since I've known her. I would say that I've had a few 'perfect' chances to ask her out, Thanks for any comments. if you're gonna be a physician you're gonna need a lot more confidence than this. the group is SMALL if you're both the V.P. and President the perfect chance to ask her out is the NEXT time you see her. by the way, next time you meet a girl you like it is OK to ask her out after a 20 minute conversation (instead of wasting 2 or 3 yrs).
bebop Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 It sounds as if some potential is there for something nice. SHE sounds nice, from your post. Nice is really, really undervalued nowadays, by both sexes. I'd try asking her to dinner again, or sometimes lunch is far better. Lunch is much less intimidating to people. Have a nice long lunch out someplace where you can both take your time and sit awhile. The only misgiving I'd have is that you're going away eventually, for school. If something develops between you you'll both then have a long-distance relationship to handle. Some couples seem to do okay with LDRs - for myself they don't work so I never ever get into them, but that's only me. Good luck, seriously. Hope it works out.
Author Polynikes Posted December 13, 2004 Author Posted December 13, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale if you're gonna be a physician you're gonna need a lot more confidence than this. the perfect chance to ask her out is the NEXT time you see her. by the way, next time you meet a girl you like it is OK to ask her out after a 20 minute conversation (instead of wasting 2 or 3 yrs). It was never about confidence. It just isn't a natural reaction for me to automatically be friends or interested in dating someone when I first meet them. It's just my personality type. Daterhater, do you think it would freak her out if I was completely honest with her? Told her that I've liked her for a while and would really like to get to know her better?
daterhater Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Hmm... I wouldn't pour my entire heart out to her yet. A little mystery is enduring. I'd say try to hang out with her again just the two of you then depending on what she's like at the end of the "date," tell her you like her and would like to hang out again.
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