How can someone forget that quickly?

[lihp]

Ok so long story short, I has with my ex for almost 4 years. We were very happy together always said I was the perfect guy, loved me so much. We were very often together and things were starting to get serious. We broke up a month ago. It happened out of the blue one day I was the man of her life and a day later she said she doesn't want me anymore saying that "she loves me, but doesn't love me, its not you its me, we might cross paths again one day". A month has passed and she only contacted me to say thank you for bringing her stuff back. I saw that she still wears the promise ring I gave her which I find strange a bit. Maybe she just likes it? Im just wondering how can you love someone one day and a day later you don't? I might be asking a question that can't be answered too. I've read on the gigs stuff which she is doing everything it says but I don't think she's seeing someone else. I know she's been going out a lot and she wasn't like that before. I'm just so confused but trying to heal at the same time, its frustrating.

[mtnbiker3000]

She made this decision long before you knew about it. Just seems sudden to you... Same thing happened to me and many others on here. Very common behavior of a dumper...

 

My advice: Don't try to understand or make sense of it. Just do your best to move on and be a bit more 'grounded' for your future relationships. In other words, remember, actions speak louder than words.

[aybc123]

yeah im sorry bro its pretty common, especially the bit about her doting on you and saying you're the perfect guy, you were, at the time, we all were. And yes it sounds like GIGs so consolation for you is if you act well you at least know shes probably going to regret the hell out of it when she grows up and realises what she threw away.

 

That probably wont be for a year or so though so best to go NC and start moving on. For your next relationship try to pick a girl who has been in a significant relationship before, first timers are very prone to GIGs because society encourages people to wait to settle down and look around (which is fine) and people in their first long term (2+ years) relationship dont realise what they was pretty damn good until they checkout how crap most of the rest on offer is.

 

As for the other stuff, she does still care about you, people will say its just to get some emotional support until she finds someone new, and you could look at it that way but it's pretty cynical. Anyway she does still care, she just isnt in love with you and doesnt want to be with you anymore, shes not sure if she wants to spend her life with you and if she can do better. She may realise she cant and come back, she may not. You may believe she realises youre the best guy and take her back or you may think youve just been picked as second choice because there's nothing better and tell her to **** off.

[TylerDurdenn]

Ok so long story short, I has with my ex for almost 4 years. We were very happy together always said I was the perfect guy, loved me so much. We were very often together and things were starting to get serious. We broke up a month ago. It happened out of the blue one day I was the man of her life and a day later she said she doesn't want me anymore saying that "she loves me, but doesn't love me, its not you its me, we might cross paths again one day". A month has passed and she only contacted me to say thank you for bringing her stuff back. I saw that she still wears the promise ring I gave her which I find strange a bit. Maybe she just likes it? Im just wondering how can you love someone one day and a day later you don't? I might be asking a question that can't be answered too. I've read on the gigs stuff which she is doing everything it says but I don't think she's seeing someone else. I know she's been going out a lot and she wasn't like that before. I'm just so confused but trying to heal at the same time, its frustrating.

 

We're in EXACTLY the same boat, I constantly ask myself 'how does she not miss me?', it's extremely painful, good luck.

[lihp]

Thanks guys I really appreciate it. I have been NC for 4 days and it feels good. I write down everyday on a calendar and see it as a victory. I also started talking to friends i had neglected when I was with her and it feels great. One of them was a girl I had a crush on go figure lol. I dont have the idea of rushing in another relationship either i know its not healthy.

[haggard969]

let me say one thing, move on is the wrong term to use, you cant just move on after all that love and passion and intimacy, what you have to do is now push her out, the dumpers pushed you out of her room, but remember the room is in the dumpees house, you have to completley kick her out. when shes out on her own doing **** and life starts getting hard, shell want the warmth , even if another man is giving it to her, its the 20, 80 man, she left your 80 percent for his 20 percent,

[mtnbiker3000]

let me say one thing, move on is the wrong term to use, you cant just move on after all that love and passion and intimacy, what you have to do is now push her out, the dumpers pushed you out of her room, but remember the room is in the dumpees house, you have to completley kick her out. when shes out on her own doing **** and life starts getting hard, shell want the warmth , even if another man is giving it to her, its the 20, 80 man, she left your 80 percent for his 20 percent,

 

I don't understand this post??

[geegee81]

Basically, he said that your ex will try to run back to you once life gets hard and lonely.....

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Because this is what people do. My ex of seven years told me I was the perfect guy, she told me her biggest fear was losing me. I thought we had the best love on earth, I never thought we would break-up.

 

My ex broke up with me months back before it got to me. She slowly released me from her mind. I got it all head on and it was so painful.

 

Well look at us now. They are out there looking for something better trust me. They might of had their eye on it for a while.

 

My ex went out a lot too and was never like that, she was against it. It's just another way to throw you out her mind.

 

Just love yourself because there is nothing wrong with you. Let her go out there and try and find someone better than you. She has to find someone at least equal and if you think you both had a strong connection then that'll be hard.

 

We have to do the same right? It's not that easy because everyone just wants a **** these days. Then we all have to start up again and who knows it might just end the same or worst. I feel like I wasted seven years moving in a direction that was always going to end. If I knew back then she would do this I wouldn't of bothered. Even though the times we had were very special, it's painful memories now.

 

So don't put her on a pedestal or she will have no choice but to look down on you. If it's over for them it's over for us, why should we be miserable in the dark. That's the thing about the dumper, they hold the power to come back or so they think. It's easier for them to swing to the next branch. Don't be a safety net. If they go they truly go and we move on, that's what I'm doing. I won't be second best.

Edited October 28, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[aybc123]

They are out there looking for something better trust me. They might of had their eye on it for a while.

 

Im not sure this is such a negative thing. Everything everyone ever does is for their own happiness, even if it's something that causes them hurt for someone else they still do it because it makes them feel good about themselves deep down. So it's pretty natural that a person wants the absolute best they can get from a relationship, we all do, and you dont know if you have that if you haven't been around the block a few times, this is where the GIGs phenomenon comes from imo and having unrealistic expectations about how amazing their life can be.

 

Anyway it's always portrayed as they dont think you're good enough and if they come back its because you're the consolation prize. I'm not sure that's true, or maybe i'm just not cynical enough yet. I can speak from my own personal experiences that sometimes you really dont realise that what you had WAS amazing, until you lose it.

 

And the 80/20 think i think refers to:

 

Youre in a relationship with A who gives you 80% of everything youd remotely want from a relationship (number higher or lower for better or worse matches), but you miss the 20%.

 

You meet and become friends with person B, over time you realise person B has the other 20% of the things you're missing, and if you lack the experience or maturity to realise the grass is not always greener you get GIGs and leave person A for them. But it's only when you're with person B that you realise although you have the 20% you were missing from the previous relationship, you're now missing another 20% from this one, and sometimes missing a whole lot more.

Edited October 28, 2013 by aybc123

[lihp]

I think she called me last night but she didnt say anything and stayed on the line or a minute or two. She knows i dont have caller id. It could be anyone but i have this feeling that it was her. Has this happen to anyone?