9 years couldn't even save us

[Gretl]

It's been 2 years since the breakup and I am completely losing it. We started dating since the age of 15 and it ended horribly after I was raped by one my own friends while my ex was at work.

 

We went for counseling, we cried, we prayed and we did everything humanly possible to make peace with the traumatic experience but neither of us was strong enough to push through. After 6 months we threw in the towel and I had to watch how the man of my dreams walk out the door to be never seen or heard from again. It's been 2 years and my heart is yearning for his touch, his warmth and most importantly of all, his love.

 

The little information that I gather from mutual friends is that he now lives in Toronto and he hasn't dated anyone since. He misses me just as much but the pain is too overwhelming for him to contact me or show face.

 

There is so much hatred and resentment built up in me for trusting that pig that it's consuming my life. Every second of every day I think what could have been if I had left with my ex for work that day and not sleep in. I have been going for therapy and I know this is a scar that I will carry for the rest of my life, but I want my happiness back, my dignity, my self worth ,my love, my ex-fiance!

 

My question to you loveshack is, will he ever come back or contact me and maybe just maybe love me like he used to?

 

Is

[Completelymiserable]

My heart breaks for you and what you've been through. I think enough time has passed, that if it were me, I would reach out to him in a friendly way. Not to talk about the past relationship, but to catch up on your lives today.

 

I'm sure he feels guilty about what happened, although it was not either one of your faults. I hope you continue to heal.

[Gretl]

My heart breaks for you and what you've been through. I think enough time has passed, that if it were me, I would reach out to him in a friendly way. Not to talk about the past relationship, but to catch up on your lives today.

 

I'm sure he feels guilty about what happened, although it was not either one of your faults. I hope you continue to heal.

 

The only contact details that I have for him is his work number and residential address, would it be considered inappropriate to call him at work?

[Mario79]

I am sorry for what happened to you. It has been 2 years, all of those things you want back are all up to you, except for you ex fiance. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear.

 

Over these two years you have not recieved any contact from him at all?

 

But you could try reaching out, maybe. I do hope he contacts you though.

[Gretl]

I am sorry for what happened to you. It has been 2 years, all of those things you want back are all up to you, except for you ex fiance. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear.

 

Over these two years you have not recieved any contact from him at all?

 

But you could try reaching out, maybe. I do hope he contacts you though.

 

Not even a word or photo, there is nothing left of him to search on the internet. Knowing my ex he is building up walls to protect himself and I can't blame him for that, the damage of the incident was so severe that something as simple as a kiss triggered an emotional response from the both of us.

 

I want to reach out but how would it be received? I feel like pouring my heart out and ask him to come back to me hoping that we can rekindle our love for each other or has the time apart been so long that a happy ending just isn't possible anymore?

[Mario79]

For him not to contact you for 2 years it would either mean he has moved on or just does not want to deal with it. From my perspective. I hate to ask, but if he is so elusive, how do you know he has not had other relationships or is in one?

 

As how would it be received? Only he would know. It's a big gamble, more so because you know what you want him to say and feel so strongly about it. I looked for my ex after 4 months of being apart, and before I did that I knew I could be stepping into a landmine, but I was all in at that point and would regret the rest of my life not trying. Right now I am still hurting, and she also requested me never to contact her again since she plans to get married to her current boyfriend.

 

That's my experience, doesnt mean it has to be yours though.

[sambo77]

That's truly heartbreaking Gretl. So sorry for your pain. Can't imagine what that all feels like but I can almost feel your pain through what you've written.

 

I guess this is one of those impossible points in life where you kinda look up into the heavens and pray with all you have that there is somebody (or some"thing") out there who can give you guidance and strength.

 

Do you think it'd leave you worse off if you contacted him and got a negative response? Can you predict how you'd cope with that? If you think that nothing could be worse than it already is...then I guess you have nothing to lose.

[barky2]

Honestly I've had exs come back after 10 years.

 

For you op, I'd write a letter.

 

It's kind of a feeler. Include your phone number in it.

 

If you receive no response back, then you would know the ball is in his court, and maybe have the closure you need to move on.

 

Good luck op, keep us updated.

 

 

 

Barky

[Gretl]

For him not to contact you for 2 years it would either mean he has moved on or just does not want to deal with it. From my perspective. I hate to ask, but if he is so elusive, how do you know he has not had other relationships or is in one?

 

As how would it be received? Only he would know. It's a big gamble, more so because you know what you want him to say and feel so strongly about it. I looked for my ex after 4 months of being apart, and before I did that I knew I could be stepping into a landmine, but I was all in at that point and would regret the rest of my life not trying. Right now I am still hurting, and she also requested me never to contact her again since she plans to get married to her current boyfriend.

 

That's my experience, doesnt mean it has to be yours though.

 

I had a run in with one of his best friends in July at a supermarket and asked if he knew anything about my ex and he said that my ex hasn't dated anyone since and hasn't been able to move on. We spent 9 years together and we were each others' first loves, lovers and everything in between so I can't imagine him being able to step away from it easily as I know I can't.

 

I read your post and have been teary eyed all day reading one heartbreak story after another but I want you to know that no matter what we will all get through this. I still have a long way to go before being my old self again but till then I will try and make the most of the situation.

[Gretl]

That's truly heartbreaking Gretl. So sorry for your pain. Can't imagine what that all feels like but I can almost feel your pain through what you've written.

 

I guess this is one of those impossible points in life where you kinda look up into the heavens and pray with all you have that there is somebody (or some"thing") out there who can give you guidance and strength.

 

Do you think it'd leave you worse off if you contacted him and got a negative response? Can you predict how you'd cope with that? If you think that nothing could be worse than it already is...then I guess you have nothing to lose.

 

My biggest fear is making contact and not hearing what I want him to say which will most likely send me spiraling down depression lane again. The last time I saw him we both cried for hours until it was time for him to leave, funny how that memory is stuck on repeat as it was the last time I saw his face.

 

Then again if I don't make contact I will be haunted for the rest of my life wondering about all the "what ifs"

 

Guess I should start typing out a letter or prepare myself mentally for a phone call

[TylerDurdenn]

OP have you been with anybody else?

[Gretl]

Honestly I've had exs come back after 10 years.

 

For you op, I'd write a letter.

 

It's kind of a feeler. Include your phone number in it.

 

If you receive no response back, then you would know the ball is in his court, and maybe have the closure you need to move on.

 

Good luck op, keep us updated.

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thanks Barky, I like the idea as it would give me time to properly think it through on how I want to say it and the way I want to say it.

 

I will have to send it to his work address though

[Gretl]

OP have you been with anybody else?

 

No I haven't. I also don't trust anyone else but my ex, I get really nervous when I am alone in a room with a man.

[barky2]

That wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

I deff think a phone call, especially at work would he the wrong way of handling it...plus ya, you can always erase a word with a pencil , can't do it with words.

 

 

You say you can't trust a man if you're alone with him, that to me shows two things

 

That you're not comfortable enough with that person yet to even be alone with them ( keep it out of the bedroom)

 

And that obviously there's still some emotional attachment with th ex.

 

I think all of this, you should look at it as you're reaching out to an old friend.

 

 

Keep expectation extremely low.

 

 

 

Barky

[Gretl]

That wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

I deff think a phone call, especially at work would he the wrong way of handling it...plus ya, you can always erase a word with a pencil , can't do it with words.

 

 

You say you can't trust a man if you're alone with him, that to me shows two things

 

That you're not comfortable enough with that person yet to even be alone with them ( keep it out of the bedroom)

 

And that obviously there's still some emotional attachment with th ex.

 

I think all of this, you should look at it as you're reaching out to an old friend.

 

 

Keep expectation extremely low.

 

 

 

Barky

 

Unfortunately I have severe trust issues when it comes to men and by alone in a room I mean panicking and freaking out when entering an elevator with only men inside.

 

As for my ex I admit that I still have a very strong emotional attachment towards him as I can't cut someone off that has only been good to me and whom I spent a large chunk of my life with.

 

We had a perfect life going and if it wasn't for the incident we would have been happily married by now, but I have faith that we are still meant for each other and we can make things work.

[Mario79]

I hope he answers. Like Barky said, like reaching out to a friend. Maybe a hand written letter, that says a lot in itself. But that way you wont give him too much to handle and he could easily reply to you.

[Gretl]

I hope he answers. Like Barky said, like reaching out to a friend. Maybe a hand written letter, that says a lot in itself. But that way you wont give him too much to handle and he could easily reply to you.

 

Going to be so hard to hold back on the emotions but I will try my best to reach out as a "friend" although that is not what I had hope for.

[barky2]

I'm going to say something but I want you to take it the right way and not the wrong.

 

You say you "still feel you're ment for each other"

 

Are you absolutely sure you can handle him saying no we aren't ment for each other.

Are you ok with him rejecting you?

 

I want you to be completely open minded about both ways this can go.

 

I don't want you recessing in your progress but it also seems like you do need to do this for yourself.

 

Keep your heart guarded.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Gretl]

I'm going to say something but I want you to take it the right way and not the wrong.

 

You say you "still feel you're ment for each other"

 

Are you absolutely sure you can handle him saying no we aren't ment for each other.

Are you ok with him rejecting you?

 

I want you to be completely open minded about both ways this can go.

 

I don't want you recessing in your progress but it also seems like you do need to do this for yourself.

 

Keep your heart guarded.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

I would rather have him say it and get it over and done with than to wonder for the rest of my life. This last 2 years felt like an eternity and I want it to come to an end. If it means that I will get hurt and suffer a bit more then so be it, in the long run I will be better off.

[barky2]

That's exactly what I ment, this I guess is something you have to do to move forward. Take your time writing the letter,crumple a few pages up and throw them out.

 

Re read it for a few days to make sure there isn't anything left unsaid.

 

 

Then hopefully the weight will be lifted off of you and you can carry on.

 

Best of luck op.

 

 

 

 

Barky

[Gretl]

Thank you all for you replies and helpful suggestion, I appreciate each and every one of them. Now off to writing that letter.