hkh8871 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 (edited) So for a little backstory- i have been dating this guy for ~10 months. we are long distance (he is in USA i'm in Europe studying to be a doctor and he has a full time job where he works 50/60 hours a week). we are together 6 months out of the year in total (3 months over summer and winter I'm in the USA and usually in-between he comes to visit me for 10 days when he can get off work). in the beginning our relationship was amazing- really sweet guy and nice and the last month i was in America we were having huge issues- he wanted to be with his friends more, didn't want to always come see me since i live an hour away by car when we are both in the USA...we fought every weekend for 5 weekends and as a crescendo he didn't take me to the airport or see me before i left back to Europe because of a fight- which he later profusely apologized for and felt terrible about. well now he is visiting me and it has been an odd 4 weeks leading up to it- barely speaking except 1 Skype conversation and one text every day/ every other day....so practically 0 communication but he still wanted to come see me. well he arrived yesterday to visit me and things were good. we haven’t really had a chance to have a talk but i feel like i just want to have some fun and bring happiness and mutual enjoyment back to us before we talk. the only thing is…and i know this is a big NO NO but he logged into his Facebook on my computer and didn’t log off…well when i wanted to log in it automatically went to his site and i really tried not to look but curiosity got the best of me and i just casually glanced at the first conversation with his best friend… well in that conversation his friend tells him that he should text his ex as a congratulations for getting into law school and that she likes knowing he still cares…to which my boyfriend replied i don’t want to text her while her boyfriend is still in the picture and that she had texted him earlier that day and his friend said oh well she asks me about your girlfriend (me) sometimes and that he tells her nothing other than we are happy to which my boyfriend replies “next time you should say ‘you guys should get back together’” and his friend responds with “will do” and then the conversation just went a different way!! I’m so confused right now!! this is a girl he dated for 3 years in college and was supposedly awful too and then he was heartbroken when they broke up and for a year he tried to get her back and it didn’t work… I thought he moved past her but obviously not…..and another part of the conversation was him asking his friend (same friend) to bring girls with him and his friend said he only knows girls x,y and z (which are coincidentally my friends) and then my boyfriend responds with “aka those are the only girls my gf knows in this whole city” to which his friend replies with “ohhh ok”………………this all happened about the middle of October when we never spoke but it makes me wonder what the hell he is doing here……. why would someone be in a relationship when they really just want their ex? or other girls? as a disclaimer- i really wasn’t trying to snoop! i leave all his things alone all the time even if i have the perfect opportunity to look through things (i used to be a big snooper but have made a point to not do it in this relationship) but this seems to just have fallen into my lap and now I’m at a loss. i don’t know how to react towards him but he has been being affectionate and sweet and holding me and kissing me…its so confusing!! Edited October 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Polak Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 As much as it's not good to be a snoop or a snitch, there are instances where it can be forgiven. Whenever you found his facebook conversation, you discovered a little bit of a menacing truth. He obviously still has feelings for his ex. That being said, he knows she still has a boyfriend and doesn't want to get involved immediately; if he can't get back the ex, he will stay with you as a backup in order to avoid losing 2 people (that's just my thought at least). In this case, it's great to find out the truth because now you have the upper hand on the relationship. You can either confront him about it, or break things off immediately, or whatever else you decide. Consider if you never found out, and in the future he randomly dumped you... You wouldn't know what the heck happened. Your discovery kind of gives you an extra sense of preparation in case things do a 180. In a relationship, trust and communication is key. Everything should be out in the open! The fact that you two have an LDR just makes it easier for him to keep things private on his end. In an LDR there needs to be much more effort from both parties in order for things to continue peacefully and to retain the romantic aspect of the relationship. It looks like he kind of gave in to his feelings for the other girl and "wouldn't mind" getting back together with her somehow. I know it's the last thing you want to hear, but what your boyfriend told his friend over facebook suggests that, regardless of how he is acting towards you now.
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