Haydn Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Why is the misery and pain increasing with each passing day? I have not contacted her although its been close. I have avoided social media etc.... All i know about her is that she asked some friends where i was.......I feel so low these days. I know lots here are feeling the same way but how can i change my mindset and start really living again? I am starting to despair that i will never lose this feeling.
Fufu Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Why is the misery and pain increasing with each passing day? I have not contacted her although its been close. I have avoided social media etc.... All i know about her is that she asked some friends where i was.......I feel so low these days. I know lots here are feeling the same way but how can i change my mindset and start really living again? I am starting to despair that i will never lose this feeling. 3 months, pretty common around this timing you will feel the pain is increasing. No worries, when the pain reached a level, you will begin to feel better. Do something you like, hobbies for example. 2
Vinsanity1307 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Im at 3.5 months and it is really tough and been feeling the same way. I read on here that month 3 is hard for some reason..Go figure. You have to have some comfort in knowing she was asking about you . Which shows she is thinking about you at times. Bread crumb? Most likely..but still shows curiosity....No bread crumb or anything with me..which hurts unfortunately....Just know I m there with you man..
lauri Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I was actually thinking about posting the same thing a few hours ago but stopped myself regarding what stage I'm in. I thought man I'm stupid for even feeling this way about this girl... Breaking NC will only increase our pain long term. I'm glad most of us dont break it and are moving forward as much as we can. Why should we continue to care about someone who doesn't want to be with us? We shouldn't. For me, I'm scared I won't find someone that I will connect with like her...but nothing I can do about her actions. There has to be someone who will blow me away again, right? 1
Downtown Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Why is the misery and pain increasing with each passing day?... I am starting to despair that i will never lose this feeling.Haydn, if you've been dating a BPDer for two years -- as you suspect -- the terrible withdrawal pains you describe are perfectly normal. As we discussed four weeks ago, walking away from a BPDer is EXTREMELY difficult -- because such relationships usually are as addictive as a cocaine or heroine dependency. When a BPDer is splitting you white, you will be treated with such adoration and passion that you will quickly forget all of the abusive, hurtful times when she was devaluing you. If you doubt the addictive power of such a toxic relationship, I suggest you read some of the hundreds of stories at BPDfamily. There, you will find hundreds of folks who are going through -- or recently went through -- the very same painful withdrawal you are experiencing now. If my experience is any guide, Haydn, you will find that the pain definitely will end. It will not gradually taper off, however. Rather, you likely will find that the "bad days" are almost as painful as they were 3 months ago. But the frequency of those days will diminish, causing them to be spaced farther and farther apart. This is why you may experience a week of relatively "good days" and then, one day, you'll wake up and feel like you are right back at the beginning -- feeling like you've made no progress at all. But it is just a feeling. Don't believe it. As long as you maintain NC, you are healing and you are making progress.
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