boyfriend slept with prostitute.

[turbokun]

Hi.

one month ago my boyfriend slept with a prostitute and I found out by snooping around his electronic devices and confronted him.

It hurt really bad but I kind of expected it since his personality is : a risk taker and love to try new things.

 

I knew he visited prostitutes before we got together and I accepted him just the way he was.

 

so do you think he is considered as a serial repeating cheater or just an one-off mistake kind of cheater?

 

I've been in this emotional spiral.

He is remorseful and has been trying to show how guilty he is by devoting more time in me and promised he is going to quit smoking for me and will never ever use such services ever again.

 

every time i call for a breakup, he cries and beg and shows up at my house everyday even though i already ask him to leave me alone. i guess he is desperate?

 

the problem is. i don't trust what he says anymore. how will i know if he will never go there again? he might do it behind my back again....

 

My fear is that, he is feeling remorseful now only because I am on the verge of leaving him. and if i forgive him, maybe after a year, he will do it again.

 

some characteristics of him is that his sex drive is really high. but he is a family oriented person who is really close to his family members. and has never been in a relationship before. - which is also a justification i made : because he didn't experience the pain of losing someone else and now that he did, maybe he wont do it again..

 

so what is stopping me from breaking up with him is that...........

letting go can be easy. however, i have experienced 2 infidelities prior to this relationship and i no longer have faith in men that they are truly capable of staying faithful. therefore, somehow i wonder if i might as well stay with someone who has cheated, learnt his lesson and willing to make a change ( or so he claims to ) to build a stronger relationship? do you think that is possible? am being rational here? are cheaters really capable of changing?

[Assasda]

You'd get with someone who visits prostitutes. you seem like a very forgiving person.

 

Sure, why not just forgive him again, then when he does it again, you can forgive me then again too. Hopefully you use a condom

[theothersully]

As a huge risk taking, type a guy myself, I'd say you are on the right track with him by being understanding.

 

You two need to communicate about this stuff. If you don't want him going again, you have to tell him it's either you or his escorts. If you are willing to accept that sex is only sex and love/making love is something only the two of you share, then you could allow him to continue, or better yet, play with him in the swinging world, so you can enter his risk world.

 

It's really a decision for you to make and tell him what you have decided. If you decide that it is sex with you only from now on, he must understand that breaking this rule will result in instantly being dumped.

 

Even risk takers know when the risks are too high. He'd be in jail right now if he didn't take calculated risks. He will quit if he knows the risk is you leaving.

Edited October 27, 2013 by theothersully

[Polak]

For a situation like this, I am reminded of an excellent "Actual Advice Mallard" meme I once saw. It applies to your boyfriend.

http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/37889691.jpg

[BC1980]

Are you willing to accept your boyfriend sleeping with prostitutes? Because it will probably happen again. You have to accept who he is. I personally couldn't accept that, but maybe some people can.

 

Where are you willing to draw you own boundaries?

[ConstantVoyager]

Your boyfriend didn't accidentally become too close with a coworker or develop feeling for a friend and then make a mistake.

 

He actively sought out sex. He's not sorry he cheated. He's sorry he got caught.

 

Dump his ass.