deepthinker123 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Backstory: Met this girl, lovely, gentle person. But she's hurt in the past, cold family. Insulated herself, hesitant, not good at showing her feelings. Only tell, is what you see in her eyes. So, I charmed her, dazzled her. Falls head over heels for me. But Im not getting enough confirmation, not hugging me, not telling me how wonderful I am lol. I get confused, lose confidence, bit fearful. Cant express myself either now. Not confident enough to "drop the act". So much going on in my life, put all my energy into that, havent time to diagnose the relationship. Becomes a day to day routine thing. Doesnt develop. She gets frustrated, we argue. I lash out. Over. Disappointed, and hurt for about 4 months. Then penny drops. And I start to work her out. Break nc. Ask to be friends. She says shes moved on, and met someone else, and tells me to back off. I reckon bout 6 weeks since she met him going by her facebook. Instead I try email. Tell her all my feelings. (beg forgiveness basically). She gets mad. Where can I go from here. Is there any way to get her back.
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Nope, you need to go full NC and work on healing. She told you to back off and got mad when you poured your heart out to her, most likely because she's happy with her new guy. And as much as that sucks for you right now, a big part of loving someone is respecting them and their decisions. And she has made it very clear what she wants, so you need to respect that. 3
Assasda Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 (edited) You are done. I cant believe your topic is "want ex back - need a bit of strategy" -You are finished. I mean forever finished. -Try looking for new girls, try not being needy, jealous, and irrational Edited October 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Editorial comment redacted. 4
Fufu Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Ask to be friends. She says shes moved on, and met someone else, Respect her decision, she has told you she has met someone new. Time to move on. 3
headinthecloud Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 You are done. I hope you feel good about yourself for performing like a clown for some girl. I cant believe your topic is "want ex back - need a bit of strategy" -You are finished. I mean forever finished. -Try looking for new girls, try not being needy, jealous, and irrational Unnecessarily harsh and rude, assasda. Criticism should be constructive, not insulting. OP, you're obviously having difficulty accepting that the relationship is over. Every time you think of her, change your thoughts to you and how you can better yourself. It's unlikely that you will ever rekindle anything with her. Try to work on yourself. Go full NC - no creeping or cyberstalking included. It will help you move on. Learn from the experience. 1
geegee81 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Be nice everybody... Some people on here may be scared to post due to being criticized. We don't want that. Anyhow, Op, i know its hard, but please just move on. Staying in denial will cost you unnecessary pain. Its impornat to stop contacting her and move on with your life. There is somebody else that will love you more....just patiently wait on them to find you. 2
Mario79 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Im in your position. Believe me I know the pain of having the person you love tell you to back off, dont contact me. That means that, unless she decides to drop it and talk to you. There is not much you can do. At most maybe wait like 6 months or longer. See how you are feeling, by then it may not matter. But if you find some magic or miracle to get her back please tell me!!
Author deepthinker123 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Thanks for your comments guys. You know how it is, you have low days. Yesterday very much a low day. Assasda - that was nasty, unnecessary and innaccurate, and to my mind - goes against the ethos of this site. A truthfull opinion is helpful, but not a caustic one. Perhaps you have a few issues of your own. So.......... Where Im at with this. Nc. Back right off. She's with another guy. She came to me for a deep relationship, and didnt get it. Im capable of it, but was highly distracted. And didnt engage. The other guy, smacks of a rebound. Totally different kind of guy. Her fb - when she met me, 2 puppies cuddling. Now, her dressed to party. Fun that I didnt give her. I reckon wait, heal myself, work on myself to sweeten the deal. What she really wants is commitment. When she doesnt get it, she'll move on. Thats when Ive got to regain her attention. We dont mix in the same circles. How do I plant the seed. Im thinking, as simple as a birthday card mebbe (February). No elaborate, grand gestures. Just enough to let her know, Im still interested. And if it doesnt happen. Times a great healer. I can move on. Does that make sense...?
OpheliaSong Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 It sounds like you need further closure, so do what you do to get that so you can move on.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Thanks for your comments guys. You know how it is, you have low days. Yesterday very much a low day. Assasda - that was nasty, unnecessary and innaccurate, and to my mind - goes against the ethos of this site. A truthfull opinion is helpful, but not a caustic one. Perhaps you have a few issues of your own. So.......... Where Im at with this. Nc. Back right off. She's with another guy. She came to me for a deep relationship, and didnt get it. Im capable of it, but was highly distracted. And didnt engage. The other guy, smacks of a rebound. Totally different kind of guy. Her fb - when she met me, 2 puppies cuddling. Now, her dressed to party. Fun that I didnt give her. I reckon wait, heal myself, work on myself to sweeten the deal. What she really wants is commitment. When she doesnt get it, she'll move on. Thats when Ive got to regain her attention. We dont mix in the same circles. How do I plant the seed. Im thinking, as simple as a birthday card mebbe (February). No elaborate, grand gestures. Just enough to let her know, Im still interested. And if it doesnt happen. Times a great healer. I can move on. Does that make sense...? Look man, you can say Assada's post was mean, but it doesnt make it less true. You are honestly planning out a comeback routine to a girl who doesnt want to be with you anymore? Lost cause man and you are wasting time. If you REALLY think you can move on, then actually do it. You are looking at her FB and stalking. Not cool man. You DO look pretty desperate and clingy. I can only imagine what you look like to her. Do yourself a huge favor and actually move on. Its ONLY going to get worse from here.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 It sounds like you need further closure, so do what you do to get that so you can move on. Closure comes from within. What he is doing right now wont get him anywhere.
barky2 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Hey op I think the post you find harsh and rude ,you took the wrong way. To push you through the barrier of holding on and letting go, you need to focus on it BEING DONE. You need to focus on yourself. Strategy? Get yourself back. Find yourself. Be the happy person you once were before this. That single person with swag and was ok being single. Because that's what attracted them to you. And you're the opposite now. That's a great start and foundation. Barky 2
Kizmet Fisher Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Thanks for your comments guys. You know how it is, you have low days. Yesterday very much a low day. Assasda - that was nasty, unnecessary and innaccurate, and to my mind - goes against the ethos of this site. A truthfull opinion is helpful, but not a caustic one. Perhaps you have a few issues of your own. So.......... Where Im at with this. Nc. Back right off. She's with another guy. She came to me for a deep relationship, and didnt get it. Im capable of it, but was highly distracted. And didnt engage. The other guy, smacks of a rebound. Totally different kind of guy. Her fb - when she met me, 2 puppies cuddling. Now, her dressed to party. Fun that I didnt give her. I reckon wait, heal myself, work on myself to sweeten the deal. What she really wants is commitment. When she doesnt get it, she'll move on. Thats when Ive got to regain her attention. We dont mix in the same circles. How do I plant the seed. Im thinking, as simple as a birthday card mebbe (February). No elaborate, grand gestures. Just enough to let her know, Im still interested. And if it doesnt happen. Times a great healer. I can move on. Does that make sense...? To be completely honest, it doesn't sound like the new guy is a rebound. You say it seems like she's trying to be different around him? People don't do that unless they are really into someone. You really need to respect her wishes, back off and move on. How can you claim to love this girl if you can't respect her decisions, and trust that when she tells you to back off that she means it. Besides, you are really coming off as very clingy and simpering. If you continue to insist on going down the road you plan to, that impression will only amplify and she willl be even less attracted to you than she is now. Please, in the nicest way possible, leave her alone. There is a person out there for you but that person is absolutely not her.
Author deepthinker123 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Yeah Barky, thats good advice. Thats what Im thinking. When I say sweeten the deal. Nobody wants a whining, pleading ex. Clingy and desperate, yeah off course I am. But Im doing it here, instead of at her front door and getting myself arrested. Thats positive. You got to put yourself in a position of strength. Obsessing just creates a picture of the ex that isnt accurate, focus's only on what I did wrong, and the good times. Doesnt recognise her mistakes. Its so easy to wallow in self pity. Theres a bitter sweet quality to it that becomes addictive. So ... I put her out of my mind. Concentrate on the lessons. Every time Im tempted to get into it. Put her out of mind deliberately. Every partner you've been with is part of your history. I do, and Im sure others do, think once in a while. ... did I do the right thing. She'll do the same perhaps. If theres a time in the future I want to try her again. Invest as much significance as if I was asking a random for a date. And if she says no, big deal. I get final closure then. Cos obviously if time cant change the way she feels, nothing else will. Meantime, I got other women offering me. Believe me, I got a lot going for me. Too much mebbe, s'what got me into this situation in the first place lol, my big head.
barky2 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Sounds like you got a good head on your shoulders op. Take the time to get your moral,confidence, and inner strength up. If some of these women want to go out, by all means dude take them. But be upfront that you're not ready for a committed relationship, but you'd like to see them and have fun. Day by day op. Barky
Chi townD Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Yeah Barky, thats good advice. Thats what Im thinking. When I say sweeten the deal. Nobody wants a whining, pleading ex. Clingy and desperate, yeah off course I am. But Im doing it here, instead of at her front door and getting myself arrested. Thats positive. You got to put yourself in a position of strength. Obsessing just creates a picture of the ex that isnt accurate, focus's only on what I did wrong, and the good times. Doesnt recognise her mistakes. Its so easy to wallow in self pity. Theres a bitter sweet quality to it that becomes addictive. So ... I put her out of my mind. Concentrate on the lessons. Every time Im tempted to get into it. Put her out of mind deliberately. Every partner you've been with is part of your history. I do, and Im sure others do, think once in a while. ... did I do the right thing. She'll do the same perhaps. If theres a time in the future I want to try her again. Invest as much significance as if I was asking a random for a date. And if she says no, big deal. I get final closure then. Cos obviously if time cant change the way she feels, nothing else will. Meantime, I got other women offering me. Believe me, I got a lot going for me. Too much mebbe, s'what got me into this situation in the first place lol, my big head. Dude, when I read, sweetened the deal. It reads like you're going to make positive changes in your life for HER to notice. And that screams to me that you're still going to put your life on hold for this girl. Here's the rub, we make positive changes in our lives for ourselves and no one else. We make positive changes to take back our lives. To take back our power and to gain back or self esteem, self respect and self worth. It's NOT to get our Ex's back. Here it is in bare bones. You made your feelings know to her and she made a choice. Unfortunately, it wasn't you. Okay, fair enough! Now is the time to start NC. To heal from this and learn from it. Make positive changes in your life and you can look BACK and say to yourself, " I didn't lie to her. I made the changes and my life is fantastic! She missed out on this and do you know what? HER LOSS!!!" 1
Author deepthinker123 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Yeah your both entirely right. The work to get myself back, and take on any lessons are for me If fate brings her back. If it was meant to be.... good. Im in a place to get it right. If not..... wasnt meant to be. But I got the benefit of a wake up call.
hopespringseternal Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Never easy dude, I sympathize. The heart makes us do crazy things. Keep doing what you doing with all changes in your life. As alot of people have stated OP, you need to find balance in your life and except its done. She is moving on and you should try to as well. you sound like a confident guy who has had his ego bruised deeply. I should know, Im having the same thing happen to me. Truthfully, you should not waste your time on what ifs. She made it clear what she wants right now, and you gave it a respectable try. By holding out hope you risk the chance to embrace what you have learned from this to become a better version of you. Some things just arent meant to be. If you hold our for 6+ months to try again, you'll risk losing out on your own progress, which in turn may tell you in 6+ months that this was such a crazy idea(or may not). But what you need right now is a clear head to decide that down the road. I guarantee if you kill the hope, and stop living on what ifs, in 6+ months you will have a diiferent perspective on all of this. Keep it up man. I wish you the best. Its never easy no matter what you do. Only time can help.
Author deepthinker123 Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Your absolutely right. Thanks for taking the time to help me.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 If fate brings her back. If it was meant to be.... good. Im in a place to get it right. If not..... wasnt meant to be. But I got the benefit of a wake up call. I know in the beginning stages, it seems like it would be so wonderful to have her come back into your life at some point. I thought this too. But as time goes on, you will realize you don't want her. All you would be is a consolation prize. Second best. And, if she left once, what would make you think she wouldn't leave again? As soon as someone else tickles her fancy, off she goes. You deserve better. This is the mind set to master. You are valuable. You have gold inside of you. I don't know you, but you are a strong, valuable man. Some female would be lucky to have you. I know this is difficult to understand at the stage you are in now, but focus on this. I am just getting here and it's been 7.5 months of NC for me. These things take time and work. But you will get there. That I promise!!
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