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New Relationship - Good start, than he disappeared & reappeared but doesnt feel same

starsitara

By starsitara
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starsitara New Member

starsitara

Posted
Posted

Hi All,

 

Need some advice on my situation, please help!

 

I met this amazing guy, we went on 4 dates. He works away in another location for 4 days a weeks (2 hours flight from where we are based). I really liked him as he was doing all the right things & had manners that I prefer:

1) calling instead of texting.

2) arranging next dates before the end of 1st date. Signalling that he doesn't play games & is straight forward.

3) flew down all the way for our 2nd dinner date, as there was a change in his work schedule & was suppose to stay over in another city longer than his regular schedule. He highlighted this during the dinner saying "I like to keep my commitments".

4) While on business trip was texting me atleast 2 - 3 times & showed excitement of coming back to see me.

5) invited me to join him & his friends for a drink before our 3rd dinner date. I couldn't attend the drinks with his friends as it was last minute & I was busy at work. He understood my situation and was happy to meet later for dinner as per original plan. during the dinner he invited me for a party, that was two weeks later. I said yes with pleasure, informing him that I am travelling for 2 weeks day after when the party was.

 

after the 3rd date, we kissed & he also came over to my apartment. We cuddled, kissed & got a bit steamy, but didnt go all the way as I told him that it was going too fast & I am not ready. He tried to convince me a bit, but didnt push much. He left in the morning & didn't contact all day. Next day he contacted me asking to go for a dinner as he was flying back home for a week & would go directly to his work location straight after. which means he was coming back only after 13 days.

 

As he was working during the day, He came straight from work to pick me & than went to his place for him to change for the dinner. As he was flying after dinner, I offered him to drop him to airport. he seemed happy, he packed & we went for dinner after. He didnt try anything funny while we were at his apartment. We had a really good time. he was very affectionate, & also light hearted & playful. felt very genuine.

 

I dropped him to the airport, we kissed good bye & he looked into my eyes & gently told me "I will be in touch". But he disappeared & I didnt here from him for all 13 days he was away. Even though we met only 4 times & knew him only for 2 weeks I was miserable for all these days, as I didnt know what was going on with him...wondering if he was OK? I saw him online on whatsapp frequently & he was active on Facebook & other social networking sites...just didnt have the time to contact me.... this silence from him was unusual. I did not contact him either all these days, as I was unsure of what was going on & if was interested in something meaningful. I really liked him for how genuine he came across. it is very rare to meet a man like him in my city.

 

He reappeared and messaged me when he got back.

This is very different from his earlier behaviour:

1) didnt get in touch for 13 days. earlier he did even while he was travelling.

2) instead of calling he messaged something very casual. "Hellooo! How is your trip? I am back today :). Now I am not very sure of why he re-appeared after such a long silence?!! and don't really appreciate his casual behaviour of not calling & only texting.

3) Also he forgot that he had invited me for the party (which was the day when he contacted me) & now is assuming that I am already travelling.

I replied after a day, saying "Hey...I am still here in xyz...getting ready for my trip". to this he replied couple of hours later saying "I thought you are not here!!! when are you back??". Still no call or follow up after a day...

 

I think he is not the same person any more. earlier, he was very sincere, would always call & never hide behind messages, unless he was on business trip. Also I was expecting him to call me after seeing my message that I am still in the city. showing me that he cares more, but he didnt....let alone offering to drop me to the airport - like I did for him.

 

Now I am not sure if he wants something meaningful, or is trying to have some casual fun, without him having to make any efforts of calling or showing sincerity.

 

I would really appreciate your advice please...whether I sure reply him, if the guy seems sincere towards a potential relationship with me or just wants casual fun?

 

Thanks...

Assasda Established Member

Assasda

Posted
Posted

You like him, so call him and talk to him, and stop acting like a kid

heartshaped Established Member

heartshaped

Posted
Posted

Seems like he just wanted sex, you put the brakes on that, and now he's just hanging around casually to see if he might can still have sex with you.

 

If that's not what you want (just something casual), I'd move on.

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starsitara New Member

starsitara

Posted
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Posted

Heartshaped, I am of the same opinion as you.

 

But I wonder why he made the effort of arranging that dinner before he travelled. I felt special as if he wanted to see me before he goes away for long and that he felt something for me?!

 

Why do you think he did this?

 

Thanks for your views...as I want to learn from it.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted

I'm surprised no one mentioned the 13-days away w/o a sound. This is my take on this... when he had regular access to you he played the gentleman and likely wanted sex, so did enough to impress in the hopes of getting there, but it didn't happen. He goes away for 13-days and his communication, etc. suddenly changes, inconsistent with how he was. So, who is the real person? I suspect the latter. He didn't get what he wanted, so he isn't as attentive.

 

Silence for 13-days?! He may be seeing someone else. He travels a lot. Men like that have opportunity to have affairs, other lives....he may be one.

 

He's certainly a charmer, but he may also be a player.

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starsitara New Member

starsitara

Posted
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Posted

Socerrprp,

 

Many thanks for your feedback. It is very valuable to me. I was very sad and was thinking that I must have done something wrong to get this behaviour from him. Because he was such a gentleman initially. Didn't realise it could have been a show only. I felt as if I potentially lost love of my life. Guess not!!

 

I would appreciate if I could get more advice on how to approach early relationship. ..without closing up and having a wall around me...but also protecting myself from players.

 

Thanks

SugarLips72 Established Member

SugarLips72

Posted
Posted (edited)

The fact he disappeared for 2 weeks is a total turn off and probably lieing about something or not that interested. My guess is he has a relationship somewhere and was probably with that person.

 

 

If it makes you feel any better, a guy totally disappeared on me a few weeks ago after 3 dates. Only on date 3 we did have sex, bad sex, as he kept pressuring me since date 2. At the end of the night he texted me saying he had a great time. Never heard from him again and he has not responded to any of my texts. I really was not super super interested, just baffled on the disappearing act.

 

There is something off on this guy. No normal guy disappears for 2 weeks after 4 really good dates.

 

 

Heartshaped, I am of the same opinion as you.

 

But I wonder why he made the effort of arranging that dinner before he travelled. I felt special as if he wanted to see me before he goes away for long and that he felt something for me?!

 

Why do you think he did this?

 

Thanks for your views...as I want to learn from it.

Edited by SugarLips72
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