Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 But Mickey, you left out one of the cards these lying cheaters play in order to stay RIGHT where they WANT to stay but keep the sex on the side coming in - the old nugget about the wife having cancer or some other serious illness which would necessitate them staying at home for at LEAST another few years. Unfortunately, I know of a few cases where the betrayed spouses really did have cancer. And the cheaters kept on cheating. Pretty heartless stuff. And then the betrayed spouses left the cheaters anyway. Would rather deal with cancer on their own than suffer through any more of the lies, deceit, and other b*llsh*t from the cheaters. Though in these few cases I know about, the betrayed spouses had pretty good support from family and friends.
busdriver Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I am a WH who stayed, not for the money (ha ha, what money?) but to rebuild the life my W treasured and which I put in flux when I strayed with my OW. We are older (my W and I), and it means everything to her that we have the whole family together at times like Christmas and New Year, when the grandkids come along, all of that. Her first thought after finding out about my A was "Will we have to split holidays now?" For her, these years are what her whole life has been leading up to, being the grandma, with a house full of children who have celebrated all of their holidays there since birth. I stayed so I can keep my promise to make her dream come true. My own dreams are probably unattainable in our situation (and I acknowledge that I forfeited any dreams of my own when I strayed) so it's good that I can make hers happen. So it's not about money, it's about love - the kind of mature, quiet love that's normal for long-married people our age. The kind that's about making someone else happy, rather than yourself. 7
Phoe Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 That's exactly what it means. Why SHOULD he do anything to change his situation? You're happy to sit on the side and give him everything he wants WITHOUT him having to make any effort. It's all win/win - for HIM. Nice try but you know nothing about my situation. It was a strictly emotional affair, he didn't "get" anything from me. Not to mention I ended it with him and went NC.
Summer Breeze Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 BS who choose to stay are accepting back someone who committed the ultimate betrayal and on these boards every day we see money, kids, history as reasons in making that choice. I guess I don't see why it's any different for a WS.
yellowmaverick Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 BS who choose to stay are accepting back someone who committed the ultimate betrayal and on these boards every day we see money, kids, history as reasons in making that choice. I guess I don't see why it's any different for a WS. I have only seen money or kids as an excuse on the OW forum because that is the classic line that the OW is fed when the MM doesn't choose her. Heck, there are men who aren't even married and have no children who STILL don't choose the OW. The MM that have answered the question themselves have stated that they asked their wives to reconcile out of love. 1
Journee Posted October 29, 2013 Posted October 29, 2013 I guess any one person's answer will be unique to them and their circumstances. My H and I were not living together during any of his liaisons. We both made our own money. If someone wants to leave their marriage ,it can be done. If they don't want and choose to play the martyr and be the sacrificial lamb for the greater good of someone else. Then so be it. The reasons don't matter ,only the choice. 1
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