Need Some Guidance

[firefly2613]

First off, I have been browsing through these forums since my girlfriend dumped me on the 18th of September. I am finally posting now because I am very confused, and really I just need a place to vent. This may be a little long, but I will try my best to condense it.

 

So, here's the deal, I started dating her when she was 16. I was 19 and in college. Our high school and college are not far from each other, and so that wasn't really a problem. We rarely fought, and if we did we always made up. We always had all the typical things you see in very happy relationships, as the story goes...

 

Anyways, she gets to college. She rushes for a sorority and she gets in. I support her in it but after a little while I get a little jealous of her going out to these parties and everything. She tries to take me to one of these parties but I have been struggling with social anxiety (I have since been working on it) so I did not make it in. Anyways, she was still giving me a lot of time. We had a lot of time together but not the quality weekend time I wanted because she was always busy with sorority stuff.

 

Well, one night I get a little upset with her and she thinks I am about to break up with her so she cries to her friend (sister) Kayla. She goes to a party and gets drunk to mask her pain. That's when the guy comes into the picture. We'll call him Phillip. He helps her back to Kayla's place so she can get there safely. She tells me about it the next day and I'm fine with it. Full disclosure: we always had a deal that we could have sex with other people as long as we were open and honest about it. It always work well. I did it and she did it, and it was honestly no big deal.

 

So the Saturday before the 18th I figure out that she's at this Phillip's guy's place with her friends and he's cooking for them. That makes me jealous because I don't have a place of my own right now and I was always the one that did the cooking for her (only rarely, though). Anyways, it went from her telling me there that there was nothing wrong to her being very cold to me the following Tuesday (17th). On the 18th she gets upset again and she dumps me, but she gives me the classic lines...space...it's not you it's me...i'm not breaking up with you.

 

So I don't talk to her for awhile. I do okay with it. But the next week I figure out that we're broken up. So, of course I react badly. This was my first serious relationship. Occasionally I text her, and I guess my emotions run weirdly because I start to freak her out. However, I did not hound her with calls and was always pretty good at doing little mini-no contact sessions.

 

We do a thing together called Conversation Partners. She brings Phillip - and at this point I know something is going on, he is walking with her to class and there are pictures of them on Facebook etc. I ask her about it. She says there's nothing going on. For an hour all three of us are there, and she is all over me, not him. But when we leave she leaves with him to go to Walmart after I offered to take her. I confronted her about it and she said she didn't want me to feel obligated.

 

The next whole week she talks to me just like old times, after she gets in a car accident. I am the first person she calls. She sees me in person during that week, even kisses me. I tell her common internet knowledge is that she has lost attraction to me and wants someone else. She says that isn't the case. She says she has to "find out who she is". She even makes out with me during that week. But, of course, I am conflicted so I go back into begging, pleading, and crying mode. She tells me that she feels we aren't compatible, but she also tells me she wants us both to get therapy. She says that she changed and I did not change with her. She said I was not the same old person she remembered...she said that I was supposed to protect her and support her and I did not, and I do admit, for the one month from the start of college I really didn't. The last time I bombard her with messages on Facebook, basically telling her I am unhappy with the way she is treating me and how she is dating someone and a bunch of other stuff. She replies that she is concerned about me, that my emotions are not in check right now and we really need more space. She tells me that I am suffocating her (and I agree, I definitely was). But then she also takes the time to tell me "if I come back, then I do. If not, then I guess it's my loss." She blocks me on Facebook and proceeds to block my family but does not block my friends.

 

That was the last I talked to her. Last I heard she has "Facebook officially" started dating Phillip. That means it came a little over one month after we broke up, and she has known this guy for only two months. He is a fraternity guy. He is 27. I have not contacted him or screamed at him or yelled at him, and I have not talked to her since she blocked me on Facebook. It has been 11 days since I last spoke to her, and it will be many more.

 

What I want to know is this: we were super super happy until this college stuff started. So is she really just conflicted and confused? She is working two jobs, just joined a sorority, and is struggling to keep up with everything? There were many sudden changes in her life. Is this guy just a rebound? Or is she really already moving on?

 

I am really not so hurt that she is dating someone else. I am hurt that she lied about it, and if she came back right now I don't even know if I would accept her back. But she was so cold to me in that one month, and I'd like her to regret what she did, and who knows, maybe apologize and really approve she is sorry.

 

Should I keep up with no contact? I feel like if I was suffocating her, this is the only way to go. Also, a big reason we weren't compatible is I was becoming jealous of her being out with all these Fraternity guys, but in a few months I am going to be joining a Fraternity myself. I have improved myself a lot, and I would like to show that to her, because I know most of this problem is that I became a typical clingy, unattractive guy. For now I really am going to try to move on and date other women - which she said I should do, and which I feel like I agree with. But, honestly, it is very hard trying to move on when just two months ago everything really was fine. But this college life came along and everything changed.

 

Thoughts?

[a0009]

It was okay to feel jeous especially her going to many parties. My thought is that you should not improve yourself for her but for another girl. Do not contact her and her let her go.