Dating A Single Mom

[husker1989]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm new here, been lurking from time to time and thought I would join.

 

Quick background on myself - 24 years old, senior in college, studying nutrition, full time student and work 30 hour weeks.

 

Quick background on my gf - 25 years old, works two jobs, 50-60 hr working weeks, 4 1/2 year old son, dad not involved in any fashion

 

How we met - match dot com

 

How long dating - 2 months

 

So above I broke down the nitty gritty details of myself and my gf and all that sort of stuff. We have hit a little rough patch lately (about the last 2 1/2 weeks have been pretty much a struggle). In my past relationships I tended to sometimes come off as needy, clingy, paranoid that the girl was cheating on me - all these stemmed from my past before I've been screwed over and used alot. So my gf pointed out a few things that I could work on, and I've become not clingy, needy or paranoid in the slighest I've been able to let those things completely and just take life as it comes. However my gf has told me that while our progress has been "ok" its not great and she is still not happy. I tend to repeat things (which annoys her) or forget things that she has mentioned (says this hurts her bc it seems like I don't care what she is saying). I played sports all my life and have had three concussions, that is not an excuse but it def plays a role. Also the spark for her went away pretty much completely for a while due to me being repeating and forgetting towards her (pushed her away), but the spark has been reignited and is slowly continuing to grow. She has no desire to be romantic with me at this point due to the following reasons - needy, clingy, annoying, very sexual (will explain in more detail in a bit), not giving her space sometimes (needy). She even went as far as saying she viewed me as just a friend bc the spark went away. I told her right up that I will not be friend zoned, I will not be viewed as a friend. And then the spark reignited so that talk has subsided completely of the whole"friend viewing thing". So I fixed all these issues by texting her less, not being so sexual, just general considerations for the most part (giving her space with her family, son, etc). We haven't had sex since sept 29th (she went through having a 4 day late period = hormones being wacked, grandmother having a stroke, being sick and her son becoming ill). So the last real issues that I'm trying to work on are - repeating discussions or talking about the same things or suggesting the same date ideas twice, forgetting about things she has mentioned or said. She says the romance will fully come back as our progress continues to improve, she is not talking to other guys we are both fully committed and I have not yet met her son or family just fyi.

 

So now onto my perspective - I'm lucky if I see her once a week for a couple hours. This week was dinner for 1 hour and that was it. In the beginning of our relationship I would see her 3-4 days a weeks staying at her place till 1 am while her son slept and we would text all day. Well that all stopped when she got busy with her schedule and she got behind on her chores and duties, her son straight up told her to put her phone down and pay attention to him. She has told me straight up that "you better be ok with always being second to my son, my son is my first love and not many men can understand that". I fully agree to that and respect that. I just like to plan a date every once in a while ya know? I like to kind of have an idea when I can see my gf whom I care very much about, but lately she has been tired from work and or doing house work. She told me at the beginning that she put all that stuff to the side to pay full attention to me and that what she did wasn't the best thing to do (I've realized that how currently busy she is and how we don't see to see each other as much is actually how her life really is, she was just making an exception in the beginning). I buy her flowers, send to her job once in a while, write a nice card for her, pay for all the dates in full.

 

My questions are:

 

1.) Anyone with similar experience dating a single mother have any input

2.) Women have any advice

3.) I'm 150% in this relationship and wanting to be ultra romantic with her and feel her touch and be inimate with her. This part really bothers me, but should I just work on the issues first and let the romance follow as described in my post above

4.) Should I be accepting of only seeing her once a week for a couple hours? I would have thought that if a woman really liked a guy they would make time no matter what. I'm assuming her being a single mom, living alone and working this much all factors in to how much time we can spend together (I don't want her ignoring her son or putting her house chores on the backburner).

5.) I'm very expressive of my feelings and told her that, she has told me that I'm a good boyfriend and I treat her great. I told her that I thought I was fantastic, that not many guys would deal with all these scheduling factors etc (but she told me that if I was fantastic then we wouldn't be having these stupid dumb issues - repeating, forgetful etc)

6.) Says she is only a 2/10 on happiness right now in our relationship, any advice?

 

Seriously need some help, dating a single mother I have no experience. I need all the help I can get. I'm looking for a long last serious relationship, I'm wanting a family and a woman to settle down with.

 

Thanks,

[ja123]

Listen, it's good to be open to constructive criticism and to be able to compromise and adjust (to a certain extent) with one's partner. But, it's a two-way street.

 

I can't imagine how you have all these "issues" after only 2-months of dating and seeing her only once a week.

 

You guys are incompatible. Don't change your fundamental "you" just for the potential of having a gf and some sex.

 

Sheesh ...

 

You're young, you're in school and working, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

 

Get a woman (perhaps without kids) who's not going to break your b*lls and put you down. "Cause this is what is happening.

 

Work on your self-esteem. Get some balls. And dump her.

 

Never be afraid to be alone. Or, if you feel that fear ... do it anyway. That's core building for your self-confidence and esteem.

[Claysmommy]

Hmmm. I'm a single mom, but if I really am into a guy I like I do try to make time for him--at least 1-2x a week if possible. But it seems like she has a lot going on, between her jobs, son, family illness, school, etc. I mean it seems like she is literally barely getting any time to herself(let alone to take care of the things she needs to) as a result she isn't as into the relationship. I don't think it's needy or clingy to want to see her more than once a week. I also don't think it's clingy to want sex--I mean it's been almost a month since you guys have had sex, your fairly young.

 

I think her issue, is that she isn't in the "right" place to be dating. She has far too many things going on in her life, and doesn't sound like she is really able to balance them all without needing a lot of space. If you were a "guy" that was truly okay with having a semi-casual relationship I could see it working, but it doesn't seem like you are. You WANT more out of this relationship and your needs aren't getting met. So it's causing you to probably act in ways(and do things) that come off as needy, because you are desperate to get some type of attention, affection, and time from her.

 

Until some of her responsibilities lighten up, I don't think you two will be happy together. I know you really like you her, but it does seem like she has way less free time than you, and way more responsibilities that she needs to take care of.

 

The reality is that, dating a single mom is already difficult enough, even if she wasn't super busy because she has a young child completely dependent on her. But being that on top of being a mom AND she has two jobs, school, and family issues, it's obvious that she really is stretched thin.

 

Like I said I'm a single mom and I fully recognize that it's difficult dating us. But I already graduated college, prior to having my son. I have a career(only 40 hours a week) and my son has a full time sitter, along with the fact that I have family that is willing to watch him for me for several hours if I need to go out(on a date or event). Not to mention, his dad does take him during the winter for a few weeks, and for the summer for a month or so.

 

I feel for her, but I think that ultimately you probably just need to date a woman that is childless and can give you the attention and affection that you need.

[Assasda]

I think you are still needy.

- You are needy of her approval.

 

You cant fix her and make her better, you cant, only she can make herself happy.

 

To solve your problem about you talking about the samething all the time. I think you should take a trip. BY YOURSELF. Go to a bar by yourself, go hiking by yourself, take a vacation, by yourself, take a class, by yourself. Work on becoming a better person selfishly, and you will invite her in your life more naturally

[HeyKat]

Just 2 months in, I feel like you guys should still be in bliss phase, not having so many issues. Sounds as though she has no idea how to make room for you and is lashing out. Honest advise is move on, you are so young and have school yet to finish. There are many others out there that won't be so annoyed by you and have the time and energy you require.

[mammasita]

It doesn't seem like she's as into you as you are into her. I agree that two months in is still very much the honeymoon phase.....and she's not feeling it.

 

You can't just verbally refuse or demand that you not be put into the friendzone and then she agree and all is A-ok. I'm afraid you are in the friendzone.

[ponchsox]

I just got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship with a single mom. Like you, we only had a few hours to spend with each other every week. We made it work for a while, but I can tell you we both got very frustrated towards the end and decided to part ways. I drove an our every week to see her. She hardly ever came to my house. It takes a special person to date a single mom and you have to ask yourself if she's the risk of potential heartbreak. Their kid comes first and shouldn't be any other way. The straw that ended our relationship was my Ex's 6 year old son got a below average grade in reading. She felt like she was letting her son down so there went the little time we had. I was out. She wanted to remain as friends but I passed. I think she tried her best and she even commented how accommodating I was and that if she couldn't make it with me, she couldn't make it with anybody. She felt like I was getting the crumbs and selflessly let me go to date others. There were other issues, her ex husband got into drugs and stopped visitation with her son. He used to free us up on Saturdays, not any more. I felt bad because when she broke up with me she sounded like she was on the verge of a breakdown. I don't regret dating her, but I don't think I will date another single mom. I'm looking for a family of my own. She didn't want a y more kids.

Edited October 27, 2013 by ponchsox

[husker1989]

It doesn't seem like she's as into you as you are into her. I agree that two months in is still very much the honeymoon phase.....and she's not feeling it.

 

You can't just verbally refuse or demand that you not be put into the friendzone and then she agree and all is A-ok. I'm afraid you are in the friendzone.

 

This is where I'm confused. Pardon my sexually explicit reply here.

 

But when we were having sex it would be 3-4 nights a week 4-5 times each night. I have an extremely high drive and desire and it was even kicking my ass into the ground to be frank. She told me her spark has came back and that it is growing more and more and that (when I googled) that it was always the woman who had to think about her feelings and to bring her spark back.

 

As for the friendzone - I told her that we are dating and that we are bf / gf. If she views me as just a friend I told her that I won't stand for that and I'll walk away and not return and its her loss. So far she hasn't said that any further after I had that discussion with her.

 

I also told her that if I found out she was talking to any other guys or girls (she had a 2 1/2 yr relationship with another woman) that I would completely walk away and I honestly wouldn't care what happens to her or her son. I know that sounds harsh, but I'm a no BS kind of guy. Respect and trust goes both ways, I'll fully trust her and respect her until she gives me a reason not.

[husker1989]

I also forgot to say in my last post that I appreciate all the responses thus far. This is really helping me out, so thank you all a lot for that. I do have feelings for her, I do know that I match what she is looking for. Which is something very serious and looking for a future husband and father to her son. I'm not only dating this woman but I'm also having to have the mind set that I need to be able to be there for her son. I have expressed in the past that I'm eager to meet her little guy, as I know those types of bonds take a LONG time to mesh with kids who are not yours. I also have expressed that I'm financially able to be there for her and her son. This is evident by working more hours recently and doing more personal training when I can. One night she was looking through bills and I seen she was behind on some payments and low on money (this is one of her biggest stressors in her life is having enough $ to pay for everything. I offered to help pay some things = $200). She did apologize today for the lack of having quality time in person, she apologized for her schedule being crazy lately. I am a very patient man with people's schedules and I understand life happens. I always think if I can't deal with this then who can, I know that everyone I know couldn't handle this. She has done some genuine stuff for me - free haircuts (that's one of her jobs), free hair care products, homemade candle light dinner in lingerie with wine, hot tub with wine, full body oil massages. It's not like I'm going completely without persay. This evening after registering here and posting this thread. I talked to her about a few things over the phone, just basically said that I think I am a good enough guy in general to deserve a little bit more time being with you in person. I told her to check her schedule for this upcoming Tuesday / Friday / Saturday as there is a couple things I want to do with her (ice skating, dinner, movies, cuddling) and that I'd really appreciate it if her parents could watch her son. We usually try to do 1 mini date a week (I go over there or she comes over to my place for a while) and 1 regular date a week (go out as a couple and do some stuff). Some additional notes - She does call me every morning on her way to work to tell me good morning, texts me when she is able, calls me between jobs and calls or texts before she goes to bed. She does all the calling on her own accord, I never said she had to do this or do that sort of a thing.Overall I'm willing to continue being in a serious committed relationship with her, it's just an adjustment balancing two very busy schedules. A lot of the things I'm working on within myself and that I've fixed were issues in the past for me and it's been a long road to changing them. Thanks

[Claysmommy]

I also forgot to say in my last post that I appreciate all the responses thus far. This is really helping me out, so thank you all a lot for that. I do have feelings for her, I do know that I match what she is looking for. Which is something very serious and looking for a future husband and father to her son. I'm not only dating this woman but I'm also having to have the mind set that I need to be able to be there for her son. I have expressed in the past that I'm eager to meet her little guy, as I know those types of bonds take a LONG time to mesh with kids who are not yours. I also have expressed that I'm financially able to be there for her and her son. This is evident by working more hours recently and doing more personal training when I can. One night she was looking through bills and I seen she was behind on some payments and low on money (this is one of her biggest stressors in her life is having enough $ to pay for everything. I offered to help pay some things = $200). She did apologize today for the lack of having quality time in person, she apologized for her schedule being crazy lately. I am a very patient man with people's schedules and I understand life happens. I always think if I can't deal with this then who can, I know that everyone I know couldn't handle this. She has done some genuine stuff for me - free haircuts (that's one of her jobs), free hair care products, homemade candle light dinner in lingerie with wine, hot tub with wine, full body oil massages. It's not like I'm going completely without persay. This evening after registering here and posting this thread. I talked to her about a few things over the phone, just basically said that I think I am a good enough guy in general to deserve a little bit more time being with you in person. I told her to check her schedule for this upcoming Tuesday / Friday / Saturday as there is a couple things I want to do with her (ice skating, dinner, movies, cuddling) and that I'd really appreciate it if her parents could watch her son. We usually try to do 1 mini date a week (I go over there or she comes over to my place for a while) and 1 regular date a week (go out as a couple and do some stuff). Some additional notes - She does call me every morning on her way to work to tell me good morning, texts me when she is able, calls me between jobs and calls or texts before she goes to bed. She does all the calling on her own accord, I never said she had to do this or do that sort of a thing.Overall I'm willing to continue being in a serious committed relationship with her, it's just an adjustment balancing two very busy schedules. A lot of the things I'm working on within myself and that I've fixed were issues in the past for me and it's been a long road to changing them. Thanks

 

I'm a single mom. And I date. But reading your post was a bit intense. I just have to say something, and I hope it isn't offensive, so excuse me if it is:

 

Dude you're 24, you've dated her a couple of months, why do you want to be a dad to her a child so early on? I mean pitching in for expenses? Meeting her match? Being a father to her son? You're still very young, I don't understand wanting to settle down with a young family at your age. And why you are trying so hard to make a very short relationship work? Maybe I'm off the mark, but I guess I don't see what this relationship is doing for you, and why you want to be a family this quickly. You guys have been dating a couple of months and you've already met and bonded with her son?

 

You said you were having sex 4-5 times a night, 2-3x a week. Was the sex really that good, and you became sprung? Is she hot? lol.

Edited October 27, 2013 by Claysmommy

[husker1989]

I'm a single mom. And I date. But reading your post was a bit intense. I just have to say something, and I hope it isn't offensive, so excuse me if it is:

 

Dude you're 24, you've dated her a couple of months, why do you want to be a dad to her a child so early on? I mean pitching in for expenses? Meeting her match? Being a father to her son? You're still very young, I don't understand wanting to settle down with a young family at your age. And why you are trying so hard to make a very short relationship work? Maybe I'm off the mark, but I guess I don't see what this relationship is doing for you, and why you want to be a family this quickly. You guys have been dating a couple of months and you've already met and bonded with her son?

 

You said you were having sex 4-5 times a night, 2-3x a week. Was the sex really that good, and you became sprung? Is she hot? lol.

 

I never said I want to be a dad to her son. But more or less that I'm the type of man who is willing and able to be there when she feels the time is right. I told her me meeting her son is COMPLETELY up to her, I have no say in that as she is the mother and that is her child.Pitching in for expenses - I kind of put my foot in my mouth there, she never once asked for financial help (though I offered through a discussion). I honestly thought this would show that I'm serious and I'm not just here to get some sex (honestly that's the last thing that's on my mind, previously I went 4 1/2 years without it and I could easily go without it again). Meeting her match - Well ya we met through match.com, I'm far from your normal college guy: never did the downtown scene, never hooked up with woman, I don't date for fun, I do for future potential soley to be frank.Being a father to her son - If I couldn't see myself being a father to a child that isn't mine, or feeling that I couldn't take on those possible resposbilites then I shouldn't be talking to a woman with a child (it would be disrespectful towards her and a complete waste of her time).Wanting to settle down - I've always wanted to have a family, I've always wanted to be a kick ass husband and a kick ass dad. Those things all mean the world to me. I compete in bodybuilding which is a lifestyle so I'm trying to accomdate that personal goal of competing and making it mesh with my other goals.I have not met her son or even bonded with him. Again in my last post I was inferring that I know those types of relationships and bonds take a long time to form. Sometimes it takes a long time for the kid to trust you, be comfortable around you, or even understand who the heck you are. Somehow though he was watching a cartoon and a fish named "Devin" was on and he told her mom - "hey this fish has the same name as your boyfriend, Devin". Now she didn't tell him yet so we think her mom spilled the beans there lol.Why am I trying so hard - I'm really a no bull**** kind of man to be honest. I go 150% in everything I do. The only time I give up is - if my 150% efforts in terms of blood / sweat and tears isn't good enough then I walk away. Until I exhaust every effort I can, then I'll keep trying. I've been told I'm a very mature man for my age in terms of that when I meet that future wife of mine, I'm there for the long haul (I don't do divorce, just my personal thing).Regarding the sex - Yes it was good, after not having any for 4 1/2 years, it was great to be honest. Is my gf hot in my opinion yes she is. Sprung - No, just I honestly actually like this woman. Heck to be honest if we are not both having sex with each other then none of us get any. She doesn't expect me to go down on her and not f**k her and I don't expect her to give me a bj and not let me f**k her. And a HJ is out of the question (I could do that myself to be honest).

[heartshaped]

Honestly, I think she's being a little hard on you as far as the forgetfulness and repetitive thing goes.

 

The neediness and clinginess are real issues though. You both are very busy, her more than you, and I think you should try to be understanding of that. Don't make any demands of her time, but be ready and willing when she is available.

[Keke1]

Round hole square peg

2/10 I would've left after I heard that.

[lino]

All this drama after only è

2 months dating?

 

End it mate... You're only 24, no need to go for single mums at that age.

Plenty of women around who haven't yet got kids.

[happydate]

I hope OP that this girl is not stroking your ego with the

 

Oh honey, the sex is with you is 150% better than the other men and you kiss me 150% better than other men blah blah blah?!? I hope you're not falling for this B.S.

 

You as a young man definitely has a high sex drive. I used to when I was younger! But you are focusing your relationship with her because, you were getting it and getting them lots and so, you were hoping to continue on getting lots because you fear that you won't get lots from other women like she does.

 

Ahemm.. I've got news for you. The answer is; you WILL get lots from other much healthier and no baggage women, the one that will be marriage quality that hasn't had any kids yet. I do not want to disrespect any single mom out there, because some of them deserve a good man. But this girl here is a train wreck. All she wants now is some dude who can f*ck her brains out and be controlled by her. Now you're realizing that all that sex was only a lure to reel you into her mess and you're madly lusting her.

Now let's think clearly for a moment. If you took out the whole sex deal from her and assume you guys never had sex at all -- would you still be willing to raise her kid and be the dad? Think deeply, because if you do accept this, there is a very high chance that she will control the flood gate to sex and she's going to leech every single nickle and dime to fund her lifestyle and kid out of you. What do you think the first guy who got her pregnant left? And you will not have control on her sex life as she can go out and f*ck other guys while you can't do a single thing about it.

Edited October 27, 2013 by happydate

[husker1989]

I hope OP that this girl is not stroking your ego with the

 

Oh honey, the sex is with you is 150% better than the other men and you kiss me 150% better than other men blah blah blah?!? I hope you're not falling for this B.S.

 

You as a young man definitely has a high sex drive. I used to when I was younger! But you are focusing your relationship with her because, you were getting it and getting them lots and so, you were hoping to continue on getting lots because you fear that you won't get lots from other women like she does.

 

Ahemm.. I've got news for you. The answer is; you WILL get lots from other much healthier and no baggage women, the one that will be marriage quality that hasn't had any kids yet. I do not want to disrespect any single mom out there, because some of them deserve a good man. But this girl here is a train wreck. All she wants now is some dude who can f*ck her brains out and be controlled by her. Now you're realizing that all that sex was only a lure to reel you into her mess and you're madly lusting her.

Now let's think clearly for a moment. If you took out the whole sex deal from her and assume you guys never had sex at all -- would you still be willing to raise her kid and be the dad? Think deeply, because if you do accept this, there is a very high chance that she will control the flood gate to sex and she's going to leech every single nickle and dime to fund her lifestyle and kid out of you. What do you think the first guy who got her pregnant left? And you will not have control on her sex life as she can go out and f*ck other guys while you can't do a single thing about it.

 

Good points here and I'll address them best I can. I'm not falling for any of her B.S., I'm taking it all in stride to be honest. She is the one who said we might of been having too much sex. Sex with her is way down on the list of why I like her and why I'm even in a relationship at all. Could I see myself raising her kid and being a step-dad, yes I sure could because if I didn't think so then I wouldn't be dating her. I've already laid the ground rules that as we continue to date more and be a couple that I will not provide everything for her or her son. Sure as time goes on I'll help out, but she has a job and can work a normal 8-5 if she so chooses to do so. As for her f**king other dudes, if I find out that it every occurs, I'm out and there are no second chances. I was very clear with her about that.

[StanMusial]

Good points here and I'll address them best I can. I'm not falling for any of her B.S., I'm taking it all in stride to be honest. She is the one who said we might of been having too much sex. Sex with her is way down on the list of why I like her and why I'm even in a relationship at all. Could I see myself raising her kid and being a step-dad, yes I sure could because if I didn't think so then I wouldn't be dating her. I've already laid the ground rules that as we continue to date more and be a couple that I will not provide everything for her or her son. Sure as time goes on I'll help out, but she has a job and can work a normal 8-5 if she so chooses to do so. As for her f**king other dudes, if I find out that it every occurs, I'm out and there are no second chances. I was very clear with her about that.

 

Why do you like her? She sounds like some random girl you met off the internet and barely know. She sounds crazy tbh.

[irc333]

dad not involved in any fashion

 

That's usually a dealbreaker with me when dating single mothers with really young children.

 

If the dad is NOT in the picture...there's no way she'll have time to date since she will never have a weekend/week free when the dad will have the kids.

 

She will have to probably wait until the child is old enough to use a microwave and re-heat food and/or old enough to start dating on their own.

[husker1989]

Why do you like her? She sounds like some random girl you met off the internet and barely know. She sounds crazy tbh.

 

Why I like her - Hardworking, respectful, has her **** in gear, doesn't want some one night fling, not into the partying scene, wants to have more children and wants her son to be a big brother, funny, outgoing, romantic, treats me good. In my past I've been hurt beyond belief, there was alot of hardness to my heart. But she has helped me get out of my comfort zone and to open up this hardness that I've had from my past. I look at her life and everything that she balances and I wonder to myself, I have nothing to complain about if she is able to do all this and all that. Plus I honestly want to be a dad bad, and to be a husband. I don't want to be 30 when I'm married, I want to be in good health and be able to travel with my wife and kids. I'm 24 now, 25 in April; I'd to be married by the time I'm 27.

[husker1989]

That's usually a dealbreaker with me when dating single mothers with really young children.

 

If the dad is NOT in the picture...there's no way she'll have time to date since she will never have a weekend/week free when the dad will have the kids.

 

She will have to probably wait until the child is old enough to use a microwave and re-heat food and/or old enough to start dating on their own.

 

Quick breakdown on the father:

 

5 years ago she went to a party at her friend's house and had a couple drinks (lightweight). Ended up going upstairs to lay down, she awoke in the middle of the night to a guy forcing himself onto her. Woke up in the morning and the guy was gone. Time went on and she missed her period, she got in contact with the guy by talking to some people who were at the party. Here is the direct quote from Mr. Sperm Donor was this "I'm not ready for a kid so good luck with everything, this is your problem not mine and I don't want to be involved in any fashion". So she basically told him to F**k off and from the time she missed her period he has never been involved, not at birth or nothing. When we talked about this, she was getting very upset and I could tell she was f**king pissed at the situation. She doesn't have the father on the birth cert, so it's easier for her future husband to adopt her son.

 

My response to all of this was "if we get serious and the sperm donor comes around we are going to have some issues between me and him". IF we get to that point where your son is now my son, I won't allow that piece of **** to come around. That guy didn't want to be involved then, so we are all moving on with our lives and he will never be involved. I have zero tolerances for men who do this sort of ****. It takes a boy to make a child, but it takes a man to raise one. Let a real man step in and be involved, I'll never be beat in terms of effort I'd put in. Sorry for the rant, I just get so heated with this sort of stuff. If you can't handle the outcomes, don't have sex it's simple as that.

 

Addressing your points - her parents are able to watch her son alot if needed, she has close friends that can watch him. Hell my parents even said that if me and my gf got to that point that my parents would watch him (my parents are excitingly waiting to become grandparents they are 55 and 54).

Edited October 28, 2013 by husker1989

[husker1989]

So today while she was out at the park with her son.

 

I did the following for her: got her 2 boxes of milk duds (favorite candy), star bursts (red and pink, her son's favorite candy), halloween card that sang, stuffed halloween dog that also sang (her son likes stuffed animals and she also enjoys those sorts of things so its a win for everyone involved). Went online to create romantic coupons for 4 free full body massages (included them in the card). Put them all in a paper sack and left them on her doorstep at her apartment.

 

Got a text that said "Thank you so much for the surprises that you left at my door step, it was so cute because my son knew exactly who they were from. The coupons were such a cute idea!! I'm glad that you are still so sweet and so crazy about me even though I'm hard on you at times. I'm only hard on you because I care alot about you and I want to work on things and have this work. Would you like to come over tonight and spend some time together once my son goes to bed??".

 

Here is a detailed version of the coupon:

 

"This coupon can be redeemed at your convenience by simply presenting this slip to your boyfriend at any time. Length of massage is approximately 45 minutes to 1 hour. Additional requests during time of service will be included at no extra charge".

[StanMusial]

You're a young man in college. I honestly don't know why you are even messing around with internet dating. You should have plenty of girls around you that you could date. Most of which don't have the baggage/drama in their lives. You're willingly shackling that millstone around your neck. Good luck.

[husker1989]

You're a young man in college. I honestly don't know why you are even messing around with internet dating. You should have plenty of girls around you that you could date. Most of which don't have the baggage/drama in their lives. You're willingly shackling that millstone around your neck. Good luck.

 

I'll address this. I've never been into the partying scene, trying to go down town to get with girls. That's never been my thing, plus I've always been with women who have had a career or were older. Last Novemeber got out of a 2 year relationship with a 29 year old women who was a working to become a nurse practinioner and had a bachelors in biology and nutrition. I've never been into the crazy wild nuts college girls who dress to get guys (kind of a turn off to me, they seem to easy and I want a challenge).

[ZipperZapper]

Best advice I can give... and this is coming from a 51 year-old guy who was once married to a single mother, is to avoid them. They're usually nothing but trouble.

 

Plus, you have three strikes going against you right off the bat. The first is that single mothers always put their children first, and you end up in last place. Second, many single mothers are essentially married to their children so that they really don't have room for a man in their lives... despite their protestations to the contrary. Third, children usually resent their stepparents, especially if they harbour fantasies about 'mummy and daddy getting back together'. You'd be surprised at the number of marriages that break up because of step-child - step-parent issues.

 

The only time it ever might make sense for a man to get involved with a single mother is when any of the following conditions apply:

 

1) The man has children of his own, and the woman doesn't mind creating a blended family.

 

2) The children are truly up and out of the house and on their own - or very close to being so (i.e. within a year or so).

 

The danger is that if you marry a single mother, or cohabit with her long enough, you could end up getting stuck with support payments that will mean you are supporting another man's children. Could you handle that for the next 18 - 25 years? Having your future foreclosed?

 

The thing to be aware of is that many single mothers are behind the eight ball financially and often seek out men who will support them. They often rationalize their actions away by saying they want a partner, etc. but in the end it often comes down to money.

 

In short, don't do it. You're young and have lots of time ahead of you. I'd kill to be 24 again... but with the same wisdom that I have now. Since the two are mutually exclusive concepts, (i.e. wisdom and youth) even if time travel was possible, it ain't gonna happen.

[Omei]

She just doesnt seem into you, and since its only been a short 2 months I feel like instead of breaking up with you she doesnt even take the relationship that seriously and is trying to pull fade out method.