JRaynolds Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Ive been dating a girl for almost 4 years. Past year shes been complaining about things that bothered her, but i just didnt pay attention and always brushed it off. She kept telling me that she loved me. She would show me a lot of affection and care, as if there was nothing i could have done for her to leave me, so i took that for granted. I didnt show her a lot of attention and every time she tried to talk i would make it clear that im not in the mood to talk about problems because im either too tired after work or just want to do something else instead. Things that were bothering her are not enough affection from me, i didnt make her feel wanted, she felt distant. I was mean when we had fights and said things that made it seem like i dont care about us. I didnt try to understand that, thinking everything will be fine. But our last fight she finally had enough and decided to take a break from me. After about 2 weeks she said she doesnt want to be together. I started thinking a lot about what i was doing wrong and i finally understood everything. I asked her out on a date and she agreed. We spoke and i apologized and told her that i feel her pain and understand everything she was going through. She believes me. I told her i can make things different and i will not give up fighting for her. She said she is not sure she wants that. She doesnt feel the same and when i asked if she misses me she said not yet. Its been about a month since we are not together. She said she doesnt feel like she wants to be with me right now. She wants to want to be with me but she doesnt feel that way right now. When i ask her out for tea or dinner, she is hesitant. She is also very honest about her feelings so i know shes not playing any games. She says she doesnt know anything about whats going on with her feelings. Shes confused. Should i give her time and space and not contact her for a while or should i keep fighting and showing her that i care?
Assasda Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 You should contact her, set a date to go somewhere and have fun and leave the ball in her court. When she contacts you. Go out with her and have fun, like its your first date. Dont mention anything of the break up
denxnis Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) I know exactly how you feel, I did the same exact thing. You have to accept the fact that she may not come back. If she's seeing someone else I would walk away and never look back. If she isn't then I'd give her some time to breathe and let her make her own decision, the more you try to contact her the further away she'll want to be from you. Trying to push a meeting or date at this point is selfish because you are only thinking about your wants/needs and not hers. There may be some other underlying reasons why you treated her this way while you were dating as well, keep that in mind. Edited October 26, 2013 by denxnis
Author JRaynolds Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 You should contact her, set a date to go somewhere and have fun and leave the ball in her court. When she contacts you. Go out with her and have fun, like its your first date. Dont mention anything of the break up Yea i did that. We went out for dinner a few days ago and she seemed happy and energetic. I kept my sense of humor and tried to look happy the whole time too, but when i was driving her home she saw that i looked sad. Yesterday i invited her to go out for drinks and she said she will let me know how she feels about it today. Today she said she doesnt think its a good idea but instead she suggested to meet tomorrow during the day. I asked if she is meeting me because shes feeling bad for me and she said No idk. I pretty much told her to not feel bad for me and only meet with me if she wants to hang out. She said she`ll let me know tomorrow.
Author JRaynolds Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 I know exactly how you feel, I did the same exact thing. You have to accept the fact that she may not come back. If she's seeing someone else I would walk away and never look back. If she isn't then I'd give her some time to breathe and let her make her own decision, the more you try to contact her the further away she'll want to be from you. Trying to push a meeting or date at this point is selfish because you are only thinking about your wants/needs and not hers. There may be some other underlying reasons why you treated her this way while you were dating as well, keep that in mind. Yea i think i took her for granted because i never had to fight for her and it was her that asked me out to begin with, so i always thought shes madly in love with me and i dont have to do anything, and thats why i think i treated her this way. But now that i have to fight for her i know things will be different. And i know she doesnt have anyone right now, shes being honest with me and she told me she doesnt.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Yea i think i took her for granted because i never had to fight for her and it was her that asked me out to begin with, so i always thought shes madly in love with me and i dont have to do anything, and thats why i think i treated her this way. But now that i have to fight for her i know things will be different. And i know she doesnt have anyone right now, shes being honest with me and she told me she doesnt. Oh boy..... You are driving in a mud trap my friend. You cannot change anyone or fight for anyone. The fighting part was done awhile ago. We all make mistakes and what not, but at the same time, whats done is done. Let her breath more. Two weeks out is STILL WAY too soon to be doing what you're doing. The constant "You want to hang out" text is too much. Smothering her will not help.
Author JRaynolds Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 I know exactly how you feel, I did the same exact thing. You have to accept the fact that she may not come back. If she's seeing someone else I would walk away and never look back. If she isn't then I'd give her some time to breathe and let her make her own decision, the more you try to contact her the further away she'll want to be from you. Trying to push a meeting or date at this point is selfish because you are only thinking about your wants/needs and not hers. There may be some other underlying reasons why you treated her this way while you were dating as well, keep that in mind. But you are right, maybe i am being selfish by asking her out on a date. Its just that she always fought for me even when i pushed her away all the time. And she told me when we were together that she would want me to fight for her too. But maybe this is not the case, i dont know.
Assasda Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 You're doing the right thing. I think she still likes you, because she rescheduled, and told you when she was available. Dont talk about "serious relationship" stuff anymore, make it all lighthearted, and when you can, makeout with her
Author JRaynolds Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 You're doing the right thing. I think she still likes you, because she rescheduled, and told you when she was available. Dont talk about "serious relationship" stuff anymore, make it all lighthearted, and when you can, makeout with her I know that she has been losing her feelings for me and feeling distant for a year. So after she broke up with me and i told her that i see things in a different way, i know it didnt bring the feelings back. Maybe i should not see her at all right now and not contact her for a while, so that she has some space and maybe after a month or so i can come into the picture by asking her out on a date? i dont want to smother her with my feelings while she doesnt have the same feelings for me.
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