My ex had sex with others

[Amaury]

Hello everyone, first time poster here but I've been lurking around for the past few weeks. This time I had to make a post of my own because I just can't take it anymore and I feel like I need to vent before I explode, so I apologize in advance if I ramble. Me and my ex are coworkers or atleast were because she starts her new job today and might not keep both (which I hope she doesn't). Me and her dated for a yr and 3months and for the whole first year me and her were perfect, we NEVER fought it was the best relationship I ever had and it felt unreal but then just like that things got sour and it just became a matter of pushing and pulling.

 

It was like the cold war, neither sides wanted to budge and we couldn't see eye to eye anymore. I still don't know what the real reason for us breaking up was and I still kinda don't know even when people ask me I say I don't know we just grew apart and they always say no way you guys were perfect (because we were) "SOMETHING must have happened"

. We broke up like 3 times in a span of a month and a half. I told her that at this rate we will end really bad and I didn't want that since we worked together and because I wanted to maintain a friendship atleast because I really clicked with her, so I told her that we need to cut off contacts for a whole week and I'll ask her again after shevsees how things without me would be.

A week later she said that we should stay friends because she should be focusing on her life because and she doesn't see our future heading in the same direction. I accepted that because I wanted things to be certain, so I told her that's fine and I just want her to be happy. She said that she will always love me and I said its all love and we left on good terms. I started to move on and was doing good we had NC. Then 1-2 weeks later she started reacjong out I didn't ignore her but kept the attempts short. Then we were bck and forth talking and it was like we were going out but we weren't. We would call eachother baby say I love you but we weren't going out and boundaries weren't set because she is the type ofnperson who likes to avoid our problems and I'm the type that likes to face them head on that's why we were on and of towards the end because she never wanted to discuss anything just act like everything is fine when it wasn't. Then I wanted to give her bck a few things and she was really hurt and mad because she said she didn't like that we were doing that but I told her that's what happens when ppl break up. When I came over we saw a movie got a long great then ended up having sex.

 

So again I gave us an ultimatum because I didn't think it was healthy playing pretend when it was only convenient. I swallowed my pride and tried to give us one last shot, i asked her if I was her's and she said yes, and I asked her if she still loved me, she said yea so I told her why pretend lets try to make it work and get back together. She said she can't, she loves

Me but she isn't "IN love" with me. I'll admit it stung a little but I understand that you cany force love so I told her that it would be best if we cut contacts, no calls or txt only talk at work because we have to work together. She got really mad at me and said how can ppl who talk everyday stop talking and I told her because its hard to keep reminding myself that the person who makes me smile the most isnt mine. Maybe it was my fault for even suggesting the space but I didn't know what else to do.

 

One month later I find out she got a new job and it was her last day so I offered to take her to the movies just clear the dust or catch up, and nothing else. I wanted to atleast make sens of the break up. She said that one day she woke up and she realized that she wasn't IN love with me and that she was mad at me for cutting her off when I gave her an ultimatum. So after talking she finally admits to having sex with one guy, twice, sleeping with someone else , and almost sleeping with another guy but she didn't because when he she saw his penis it was so small thay she kicked him out (this was the day before we went to the movies). She knew them from highschool a few yrs back and they just reconnected, and that they were chasing after her not the way around. She also said that she was only using them to cope with the break up and that she only wanted to forget me but it didn't help because she couldnt get me out of her heard during, and that she even almost called my name out by accident, that they werent any good and that as much as she hates to admit it im still the best she has ever had. I was a little skeptical at first but why would she lie after admitting to sleeping with 2 guys and almost a third but at this point I don't know what else to believe.

 

I told her I was surprised that she would do something like that but that I'm not mad because she was single and not mine anymore. She said that she still likes to believe that she is mine and I said that she lost that privilege when she gave her body to 3 different guys. I said if all she wants is sex then I can help her when she needs it and that doesn't have to give it up to nobodies. She said know because she still might have feelings, so said so kiss me then to see for yourself and she said no. So we hugged then went our seperate ways. A few hrs later she actually called me saying what wouldve happened if we kissed because that's all she has been thinking about I told her idk thats why I offered.

 

She said she was scared to fall for me again because she knows deep down inside she cares about me and she hates that. I told her that was her problem she was too scared to take a chance on us and wanted to put this act of being cold and heartless and that she just gave up and ran away from everything we built. I told her I'm not mad about her having sex I'm just mad that she is just sleeping around instead of being with someone who makes her happy. She went to say how she doesn't want to be intimate and that she just wanted sex to forget but all it did was make her hate herself and see her self as a slut (which I kindve do too). I told her that even tho your not my girlfriend that doesn't mean that I don't care because I just want her to be happy and that she is smart beautful and funn that she doesnt need to lower her self like that and if she cared about me she wouldnt disrespect me like that, if she is frustrated then she can come to me because atleast it will be good sex.

 

She said she isn't sure how she would feel, I told her how we are both mature adults and that I understand that me and her have no future as a couple and it will strictly just be friends with benefits, or just friends to and that if feelings get involved then we can stop as long as we are honest, becauses I would prefer her to find a nice guy and be happy not sleep around. She was sad that I said there was no future between us and she said why because she slept with other guys, I said no because you gave up on us and went to the next quickest thing instead of sticking it thro. She then said she was on her period lol . She said maybe in the next life we can be together or in the future, I said if we couldn't make it work when we loved eachother I don't see it working again. She said so we cant hangout anymore i said sure jusy hit me up, she said what about me cant i hit her up too, i saod when you want to hangout YOU let me know. So I wished her luck in her new job and to have fun and be safe.

 

Now I cant get the image of her touching another guy, laying with hom naked as he touches every inch of what used to be MINE and its killing me. I know I should move on and I'm trying, I don't hate her I love her because of the memories we shared and I want nothing but the best for her. I'm just so shocked that someone I loved so deeply can do that. I wouldve never expected that from and its really ruined my perception on trust love and relationships. I don't know if I can trust and love again because i always had trust issues and she was the one pushing hard for this relationship and she was even the one who wanted me to say I love you if she didnt insist i wouldve never opened up, and im mad that someone wanted sonething so bad just to give up on it when we were so great together i have never felt this way for someone else. Part of me wants to hate her but I can't, I just wish I could move on just as easily.

 

I'm really sorry for this long post I just wanted to give as much details on this situation and honestly writing this all out helped a little.

[maturityassets]

Ah man don't worry you're not alone. Same thing happened to me. We broke up. 3 weeks later I went to pick up somethings. She had revealed she hooked up with two guys from her past. Said the same thing "I'm use to yours, yours is so much bigger. And kissing it's like these guys don't even know how to kiss. Maybe we could still hook up if it isn't awkward." of course I had went on a couple of dates as well (mainly thinking I didn't think women would be interested in me so quickly after my break up so I went on them) but I didn't do anything but kiss them. Still it hurt to know that she had other guys touching her and one of the guys who told her to break up with me on our break. But anyway yeah I got the same thing of "I love you but I'm not in love with you" that "I just stop being in love one day and I kept getting annoyed at the little things you did." So yeah it happens and it didn't get any better when I told her that we shouldn't talk anymore and I told a mutual friend all that happened and my ex got upset. So yes the person who is no longer in love with us will try to fill that void of us by looking for some passion in sex, but it won't be the same as love and care. Regardless I stupidly would have took her back that night she tried to spark with me again but I know now that the break up was without a doubt the best thing for both of us and I don't want to see her in person for a very long time if ever

[Amaury]

Sounds similar to my situation. I'm just mad that I can't stop thinking about this person who I loved with all my heart, and all I see is her having sex with someone besides me . The worst part is that I accept the fact that things are over and I just want her to be happy and I just want to move on but these images of her on all fours or on her knees won't leave my head, and she keeps popping up because we still work together and because we have mutual (coworker) friends and she keeps popping up in my feeds.

[Omei]

Girl perspective here...

This girls a joke I feel bad for you it really seems that after a year of a happy relationship she got bored so shes created stress on the relationship resulting in a breakup, sounds like she wants to be able to sleep with guys but is doing everything within her power to keep you hook and line while she ventures off, feeding you breadcrums and false hopes of "maybe I can fall in love with you" if you went full noacontact I garuntee she would call you begging claiming shes made a mistake once she realises your not her fall back anymore. In her mind right now all she has to do is say I think im in love with you and you will take her back and she knows it.

 

Stop letting yourself be her plaything and go NC when she begs for you back after she notices she cant control you anymore and you still Care for her, make sure she proves it and I dont mean ok we're dating sex now, I mean weeks of im sorry I gave up on us so easy and im gonna earn your love back.

 

But i think you should get some pride and stay NC forever, find a girl where you wouldnt have to deal with this stuff.

Edited October 27, 2013 by Omei

[Amaury]

Girl perspective here...

This girls a joke I feel bad for you it really seems that after a year of a happy relationship she got bored so shes created stress on the relationship resulting in a breakup, sounds like she wants to be able to sleep with guys but is doing everything within her power to keep you hook and line while she ventures off, feeding you breadcrums and false hopes of "maybe I can fall in love with you" if you went full noacontact I garuntee she would call you begging claiming shes made a mistake once she realises your not her fall back anymore. In her mind right now all she has to do is say I think im in love with you and you will take her back and she knows it.

 

Stop letting yourself be her plaything and go NC when she begs for you back after she notices she cant control you anymore and you still Care for her, make sure she proves it and I dont mean ok we're dating sex now, I mean weeks of imwasn't ready hry I gave up on us so easy and im gonna earn your love back.

 

But i think you should get some pride and stay NC forever, find a girl where you wouldnt have to deal with this stuff.

 

 

The sad truth is I know your right, its just that out of all the girls I've dated I really saw myself having a future with her, i changed so many bad things about myself to make her happy because i was always the ******* who never loved and would be hard to get because i always thought relationships were bound to fail so I never stuck around for serious relationships, but she was so determind after I saw everything she went through for me I knew (or I thought I did) that she really did love me. I never got along with anyone EVER the way I did with her that whole yr we dated and it was perfect. I thought she was different and not so sleezy or else I wouldve never fallen in love, just so that the person who I thought was the world would go and have sex with 3 guys (well 2 but she tried to have sex with 3), actually almost 4 cause we had sex less then 2 weeks before the first guy untill I tried giving us another chance and that didnt work so i cut off communication. Now I'm mad at myself for doing the one thing I always avoided and that was falling for someone. I just don't know if I can trust someone again after all that

[Omei]

Dont fell bad for falling for someone this girl lost sight of her prioritys having sex with many men and watch you get gutted over it seems to be hers now, you tried she gave up after a few rough months? Thats not love if you guys got along she gave up so easy, dont let trust issues get to you at least she left you first, now a year is quite a while but short in the same time be glad you found out how easy moved she could be soon instead of years later, dust yourself off theres a lady somewhere out there aching for the love you have to offer and you're on your way to each other you just dont know it yet, this girl now will just become "my gf that wanted to breakup to sleep with dudes" story and you'll think back years later shrug it off, Keep your heart open:-)

And trying for 4 is pretty accessive I have heard of rebounds but this? She's obviously not feeling any guilt or worrys if it hurts you go Full Nc.

Edited October 28, 2013 by Omei

[Amaury]

Dont fell bad for falling for someone this girl lost sight of her prioritys having sex with many men and watch you get gutted over it seems to be hers now, you tried she gave up after a few rough months? Thats not love if you guys got along she gave up so easy, dont let trust issues get to you at least she left you first, now a year is quite a while but short in the same time be glad you found out how easy moved she could be soon instead of years later, dust yourself off theres a lady somewhere out there aching for the love you have to offer and you're on your way to each other you just dont know it yet, this girl now will just become "my gf that wanted to breakup to sleep with dudes" story and you'll think back years later shrug it off, Keep your heart open:-)

And trying for 4 is pretty accessive I have heard of rebounds but this? She's obviously not feeling any guilt or worrys if it hurts you go Full Nc.

 

Ill try to not let this change me because the last person I dated before my most recent ex was almost 3 yrs apart because she made it really hard to trust someone again, and we didnt go out as long either and she didnt sleep with almost 3 guys right after we broke like this one which only led me to date and mess around and made me not take girls too serious. Also as much as I try to go full NC I can't because we still see eachother at work and share the same coworker friends but I haven't called her or txted her in over a month, ill just reply to her. I will try to be optimistic. Thanks for the advice you have given me, it might not seem like much but you have helped me out a lot and I feel the (slow) progress :/