kmyelneo Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 In July I met a gal online. Through a few weeks of getting to know each other, we quickly became infatuated with one another. We shared many sweet moments together. The level of feel good and magic was unbelievable to me-- and it was really the first time that a gal has made me feel so loved. We talked for weeks before this happened, and somehow or another we fell in love (Or at least I feel that I did). Everything was as happy as can be. I helped her and gave her advice when she needed it, and she gave me the support and attention that I secretly yearn for. We made such a strong connection in such a short time-- talking about how our experience at the moment was transcending the online experience; that it was not simply just an online relationship... nights of staying up all night and chatting and playing games and just feeling comfortable ensured this. We were never forced to talk to eachother-- it just happened. We went on for about two months before she started getting rather distant, but she would still make it a point to say that I was a guy that made her feel loved and less alone-- something that she had never really felt before. She told me that she believed I understood her (and of course, I would tell her the same thing). Then, she sort of disappeared... and when she came back, she had some bad news for me. She ended up telling me a few things that, while I understand a majority of their meaning, I'm having trouble figuring it all out. Essentially, she broke up with me (though we never really agreed that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we more or less agreed that we were just lovers). I was heart broken because she has been the only girl that has made me feel so understood and loved. It makes me truly believe that she is the one for me... I can feel it in my gut. I love her so much, but she told me a few things that made me doubt our future... but at the same time, I still have hope for it. Now, here's where I need help with identifying. I'll paste a few things that she said: "I'm seperating myself from your happiness for now. I don't wanna participate." "You know that I've been falling out of love with you. I don't want to drag that out or cause you prolonged pain out of lack of love and insensitivity." "You've done nothing wrong and everything right. I just become distant like so." "I just need to grow by my own. I don't understand much, you know? I'm not rejecting the idea that one day I'll comprehend how much you mean to me. " (When I asked her what I mean to her now... when she was calling it off, this is what she said) "What you meant to me.. When? Now? I'm indifferent to it all. In the past? You can take my statements as truth, for that period of time. In the future, I really don't know what you'll mean to me. "It's because of me that I need to break you off, not you. ='> I feel like I can stand on my own again. Wouldn't hurt to try, anyway. I can't love or support others if I can't even support myself. Cliche. But a little true" " I need to cut myself off because right now it's just unmutual and I'm not down with the idea of causing someone prolonged pain out of my insensitivity and lack of love." I'm sorry for the rather long and detailed post, but I need help badly. I thought that I wouldn't come to these forums, but I've been going crazy over it all. I have no idea what she's thinking, and after she said those things to me... I kind of had a melt down and she told me that she was finished. =( but she also sent me these links: Anxious | Attached the Book Avoidant | Attached the Book Really made me think about it all. I've had about a month and a half to think about it, and since she sent me these links we haven't spoken a word to each other. I tried messaging her, but I've figured that I've left the ball on her court (seeing as how I dumped all of my feelings to her in the form of an audio file, then sent it)... so I've been trying not to message her and I've been trying to wait for her to message me again... but I'm afraid she won't ever. We had something so special, regardless of the entire situation being accelerated. I truly believe I'm in love with the gal-- I love her to death... and I can still remember when she said that she loves me. I helped her feel understood even in her moods that she felt that she wasn't understood in. I want nothing more than to experience the life that we live and have fun while doing it... all with her. Now, my question regards the whole no contact thing. Is it going to work for me, given my situation? Somehow I am still madly in love with a gal that has made it a point that she's falling out of it because she needs to discover herself... I've figured that I can't dwell on my mistakes forever, so I've learned to forgive myself for my non-gentleman like actions of being over dramatic about it... but now I want to ask her for forgiveness... and I hope to one day go back to the feel good days with her. Just taking life slow and being relaxed. I've never felt so heart broken in my life, but even with my broken heart, I love her. Another thing to add, is that the last message she sent me was on the 4th of September, and now it is October 26th... the last message I sent her was on September 21st-- just asking how she's doing (no response though). I am starting to get scared. I can't help but to think that... maybe she's scared too? Maybe she doesn't know how to approach it again? I don't know how to approach it either than just waiting for her... but a part of me is screaming that I can't just wait for nothing. I'm in desperate need of advice. Another thing to mention is that she took liking to a journal post I made online (Sorry for the long post again-- but it might help a bit more): "Writing from school today. Another Monday means another week of school and more work to be done for this week. Nothing I can't handle. =') Ate breakfast today and walked around campus like usual. Attended my fire class and now I am waiting for my math class, but I've got another hour to wait before that starts. I've been happier since I've discovered that everything will be okay for me... much on my mind still but there's no rush for anything. In general, we've got so much more life to live... sometimes we forget but we've just gotta take things slow. Now that I'm taking things slower, I'm more relaxed. Like I've said, things will play out the way they do and all I have to do is tell my truths and be honest with myself and the ones I care about. If I do that, I'll be okay. I might have to break out of my shell (comfort zone) but we can't hide forever... eventually we are found; and it is okay to finally be discoverered by others, or even yourself. =') just gotta take action for what I believe in. Persistence over resistance, no? We're never truly alone in the world. Though we may feel like we are wandering alone sometimes... wandering is essential. We need that time to realize what makes us happy and what we can do about it. We learn lessons everyday and we never stop growing. Though, the thoughts in the back of my head sometimes leave me feeling curious... I think this curiosity will be given another chance, and that's all I've really wanted. A chance...! I've proven a lot but there is more that I want to prove, but all in time... I managed to talk to somebody last night though, and I asked them a question... regardless of being a compete stranger. "What's the best way to ask somebody if they want to do something again?" I eventually asked, and they replied... "just be honest, that's all you can do. When you tell the truth, you don't need to state that it is the truth, it can be sensed. Do not look to the past for answers, but do not forget the past as well. Trust your instincts and when the time is best, ask this person what you need to ask them. They will understand why you want to do it all again." She "Favorited" that into a collection of hers, and I have been trying to analyze that more. Gives me A LOT of hope that she'll come back one day... or at least say something to me again. I feel like I've lost such a good friend, on top of a lover... and now I am just... kind of left in the dark. She spoke so highly of me... and now it seems like she has completely forgotten about me. It's a sad feeling... but I'm a hopeful guy. Sorry for the long post. =( Just need help and opinions-- speculations I guess. It'll be hard given not all the information is here... but I don't want to dump my life story into one thread. Thank you for all who share their advice/opinions.
AnyaNova Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I am very sorry you are going through this Basically, no matter whether you are speaking of an LDR, LTR, online relationship, or fwb where one started having feelings for the other, etc. When one person has feelings that the other person doesn't share, as much as possible, NC is the healthiest way to go for the person with the feelings. It allows you to heal. It is NOT a tool to try and manipulate them to come back to you. It is NOT an attempt to get them back, or to prove to them that you don't need them so that they want you. It is a tool that allows you to heal so that you can be equipped for the next person who is really right for you (and hopefully, loves you enough to want to be in person together as much as possible!). Yes. I am sorry that you are hurting. NC sounds exactly right in this case. 1
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