Dinozzo925 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Just looking back and wondering, do any of you think that being really really intoxicated is an excuse you would accept for infidelity or something you would use when considering whether to take the person back? Do any of you think there are one off cheaters?
JDPT Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 No excuse, won't take back, the individual has a drinking problem.
KathyM Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I know there are one off cheaters, people who are so remorseful after cheating that they would never put themselves in that situation again. But if a person is going to use the excuse of intoxication for infidelity, what is going to stop him the next time he is intoxicated? I don't believe intoxication is an excuse for cheating. There are plenty of men who become intoxicated but don't cheat. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, but it doesn't make someone do something they don't want to do. They know what they are doing at the time. 1
Zahara Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 You might get more responses on the Cheating forum under Dating. I still can't help feeling sorry for your crutch of a girlfriend as you ponder on your cheating ex and the what ifs. If everyone came here and said it would be excusable, would you take her back and dump your girlfriend. What's the point?
veggirl Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I think when I was stupid and young (20ish) I would have wanted to accept it as an excuse if I was cheated on and probably would've taken a bf back for that. At 30 though, oh f*ck no, see yaaaa. I would be DISGUSTED if my bf even TRIED to offer intoxication as an excuse. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 As crappy as this sounds.. It's somewhat happened to me before. But hear me out before you judge. One night I went out and I was so drunk. I do not have a drinking problem I probably only get drunk 6 times a year max even though most of my friends go drinking on most weekends. Just not a major fan of drinking or hangovers. Anyway, I ended up kissing a guy at the bar. I made out with him on the dance floor and all of a sudden in the midst of it I clued into reality and realized what was going on. I immediately took off by myself and ran up the road crying in a panic. I ran into my guy friend who asked me what was wrong and I told j what I had done. I was devastated and so ashamed of myself. My friend made me feel better and reminded me that this is so out of character for me and some of our friends have done way shadier stuff than that. I didn't know what to do whether to tell me bf or not. I ended up not telling him but it ate at me for a long time. I can honestly say that it will never happen again since the regret and sickness I felt will always be with me. I just couldn't believe I had done that to my bf and imagined how devastated I would be if he did that to me. I also thought if he was on my situation would I want to know and I actually wouldn't because it was a drunken loaded screw up. The guy want even remotely cute So sometimes I think drinking can be an excuse. Up until it happened to me I thought no friggen way.. Then it happened and I'm slightly more understanding. I still would be devastated if someone did it to me and I can't see how I would get over it so it knowing of that happening would 99.9% chance lead to a break up.
theothersully Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Drinking lowers inhibitions. In other words, when someone is drunk, they are more their primal, natural self no matter how in check they keep things sober. I would consider that this is what is deep down inside and make some decisions based on that.
Leegh Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I would forgive the person once, but if it became a pattern that would be different. People are human, and humans make mistakes. Speaking for myself, I have done some really dumb things while drinking, for example, calling up old boyfriends at 3:00 AM. Regarding your situation, I would be more worried about getting a disease, than the actual cheating.
MissBee Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) Just looking back and wondering, do any of you think that being really really intoxicated is an excuse you would accept for infidelity or something you would use when considering whether to take the person back? Do any of you think there are one off cheaters? Um...no. I would be insulted if a man tried to blame it on the alcohol.... 1. I don't need to date anyone who can't handle their alcohol and who is going to be sooo wasted that they can't control themselves or are unware of their actions 2)Alcohol doesn't make you do things you probably weren't already into doing, so I don't buy that just because you're drunk you will sleep with someone else. I have never had drunk sex, drunk hook ups or anything of the sort while single, much less while I'm in a relationship. In a relationship if I go out drinking my guy is usually around and even if he isn't, I drink, get tipsy and then I want to go home to him NOT another man....like no matter how tipsy/horny, I have no desire to cheat, so I just cannot buy that if you weren't already someone with poor boundaries, a tendency towards promiscuity or something that somehow being drunk will lead you to random sex with someone not your SO. There might be "one off" cheaters, but all cheating is something which the couple has to address the hows and whys and not forgive blindly as a "mistake", as there is no such thing in terms of cheating and for me, one would be a very immature person to have drunk sex with another if we're committed or to have a "one off cheating" fiasco. Edited October 26, 2013 by MissBee 1
Author Dinozzo925 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 You might get more responses on the Cheating forum under Dating. I still can't help feeling sorry for your crutch of a girlfriend as you ponder on your cheating ex and the what ifs. If everyone came here and said it would be excusable, would you take her back and dump your girlfriend. What's the point? I didn't leave my ex for cheating, I left her for lying. The point is understand what happened, and why I reacted the way I did. Sometimes another persons account can shed light on that. I might as well learn from this experience.
Author Dinozzo925 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 I think when I was stupid and young (20ish) I would have wanted to accept it as an excuse if I was cheated on and probably would've taken a bf back for that. At 30 though, oh f*ck no, see yaaaa. I would be DISGUSTED if my bf even TRIED to offer intoxication as an excuse. Why do you think age makes a difference?
Lauriebell82 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Hell no! Being drunk is not an excuse for doing dumb things.
TheGuard13 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Intoxication is an explanation, but not a valid excuse. 1
Author Dinozzo925 Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 Intoxication is an explanation, but not a valid excuse. Can you expand on your opinion?
TheGuard13 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I don't think there's ever a good excuse for cheating. Being drunk can explain how it happened, to a point, as one's inhibitions are definitely lowered. But what I've learned is that people don't do or say things when they're drunk that they don't want to do already. Being drunk allows them to feel less inhibited about doing those things. There are lots of explanations for cheating, but none of them are really a good "excuse". If you're lucid enough to know you're attracted to someone, you're sober enough to know what you're doing in a general sense. If you're not aware of what you're doing, then odds are you're being sexually assaulted, which I don't consider cheating.
HokeyReligions Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Not for me. I have zero tolerance for cheating. I wouldn't expect to be taken back if I were the cheater either. I'm so blessed yo have found someone with the same morals as me. And blessed to have been raised in a way that fostered and supported my moral code so I had confidence in my relationships without being naive. The latest few generations seem to be making it more and more difficult for the next generation. I don't see this degeneration slowing. It was tough in my day but this rapid and uncontrolled technology that encourages communication, miscommunication, misdirection.... can be as harmful as helpful.
Kate9292 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 I didn't cheat on my first boyfriend because I was drunk. I cheated because he was my only partner then and I wanted to see what else is there. Alcohol had absolutely nothing to do with this, if I was sober in that situation I would probably have cheated too. I'm not proud of it but it happened and I can't change it.
Sanman Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 Does being drunk excuse causing a car accident? One dumb decision should not excuse another. It is a reason for bad behavior, not an excuse.
Woggle Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 If a person frequently gets that drunk that they can't control themselves they have a drinking problem.
Carenth Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 First if they are drinking that much that they can't comprehend their actions on a regular basis. They have a drinking problem and need to sort that **** out. Second, no it's no an excuse for cheating.
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