Moving on is not relevant to closing the door

[conf]

I loved this girl and i am pretty sure that she loved me too. Unfortunately i met her when she was 17 and i was her first. She dumped me after 5 years without giving me a reason and wished to have met me later on her life (Maybe she was trying not to be the bad guy, maybe she meant it. Who knows? You can reach to your own conclusions reading my previous threads )

 

After 5 months have passed since the break up i see that this relationship was good. There were issues (maybe boredom and not communicating our needs so well) but i feel that we could have worked on them because we were so compatible if we both wanted.

 

Opposite to most dumpees, I dont believe she is a bitch because she wants to see what else is out there. I dont believe she is a monster because she wants to see how it is to be single and play the field. Finally she will get her yardstick and judge if what we had was as special as i believe. Also this is a good opportunity for me to play the field and find what else is out there. So i dont see myself as a backup plan. I would be a backup plan if i have stayed on my home just waiting for her.

 

In my opinion i dont hang on this relationship anymore. I appreciate my life as it is. I started new hobbies. I got a new job. I am focused on my studies. Generally, I believe that i have moved on but that does not mean i have closed the door.

 

Why i have not closed the door? I dont know... Maybe i am a doormat, maybe i have not get over her or maybe i am too romantic but if our paths are crossed again some years later and we are both singles i would like to try again with this girl. After all why not to try a NEW relationship with someone you loved so much and was so compatible with you?

 

Do you believe that your success story/lifelong partner have not heart broken other people with whom he was compatible? People are not ready to settle down on their 20's. This is not something bad. Is it immature to want to mature/grow up/see the world on your 20's instead of doing so on 40's? Sometimes timing is a big factor in relationships

[matt3681]

My girlfriend just broke up with me 3 weeks ago, stating that she needs to work on herself, make changes in her life.

 

She is 10 years younger than me (just out of college) and has gone through a major transition. Now she feels she needs to make decisions that may affect me - and that she can't do that while she's in a relationship.

 

Last we saw each other, she said she loved me. And I believe her. But she also said that we need to part ways.

 

Two weeks later, I called her, and the bottom line is the same as yours. She wants to keep me in her life, but not with the EXPECTATION of getting back together, rather just the POSSIBILITY.

 

We loved each other - we often talked about living together until we were old.

 

Like you, I don't hate her, even though she hurt me. I understand her needs, and I just wish that she could have worked her issues out while with me, but she cannot.

 

The way I look at it is this: If your love was strong enough, then she might come back eventually. But you have to do what I need to do (and I am not there yet myself, since this is fresh in my life) - you need to go out there, be happy, and be yourself. Maybe a new love will come, and you will completely (or as completely as possible) move on.

 

Or maybe not. Isn't open-endedness horrible?

[barky2]

Reguardless of how it's put... Moving on and letting go IS closing the door.

 

Holding onto hope for one day that MAY never come, doesn't make sense.

 

You NEED to close the door 100% to move on.

 

Think about it deeply.

 

 

 

Barky

[melell]

I had that same perspective soon after my break up. It was instant forgiveness and understanding. And I was all like 'oh well I'll get on with my life and we will see what happens'. I actually felt like I was being a good person being so understanding about his needs.

 

It is plain old irrational- or maybe even a way of rationalizing what has happened to lessen the blow.

 

It doesn't work like that. They will remain on your mind. And you will not go through the process of healing and moving on until you accept that they are never coming back.

 

I know I say this very factually, but it was exactly how it was for me.

 

The truth is that they have put themselves a head of the relationship- but at a cost to the dumpee and a cost to the relationship. An individual can put themselves a head of the relationship without it being a cost to anything. They can pursue their goals and develop themselves while still together- but in your case they chose not to. They made the choice to potentially never be with you again to pursue something else.

 

You can't get away from that reality.

 

I am not being bitter either, my ex came back in full force. I am just saying that psychological approach will do you no favors.

Edited November 13, 2013 by melell

[Simon Phoenix]

You have to close the door. If she wants it reopened, she has to knock.