is No Contact always the answer?

[mygosher]

if a relationship fell apart because of lack of commitment/distance and not enough effort, is No Contact the right thing to do? Or should you show them more effort and how much you love and care for them?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Nope it doesn't matter what the reasons were. At the end of the day that person broke up because they don't want to be with you. All you can do is apologize for not being there for them. Let them know how you feel but after that don't contact them.

 

I just went through this myself after not talking for over a month. She still doesn't want to be with me. It's probably not just the lack of effort either, she might be interested in meeting someone else. I would just keep your dignity and go NC, let them know what it's really like not to have you in your life.

[Simon Phoenix]

if a relationship fell apart because of lack of commitment/distance and not enough effort, is No Contact the right thing to do? Or should you show them more effort and how much you love and care for them?

 

In 99 percent of the situations, it is the answer. You need to give her time to process the break and you need time to process the break.

[lindsay1990]

Unless you want to be implicitly rejected over and over again (which is what engaging without them wanting you back is anyway) and having to cope with it over and over again, my opinion is that NC is always the best bet.

[ColdAlone]

if a relationship fell apart because of lack of commitment/distance and not enough effort, is No Contact the right thing to do? Or should you show them more effort and how much you love and care for them?

 

Depends on your 'status' now. NC creates more distance and certainly no commitment, so... if nothing has been said that gives you REALISTIC hope then go NC for yourself.

[na49]

If the relationship ends because you don't care, what will caring after the fact do for you? I'd say NC is always the answer to just moving on with your life.

[mygosher]

The fact is that I did care..work just took over my life and she came second place.this was for the past 3 months..when they say "you don't know what you have till its gone " is true.and I don't want to lose her.she said I'm not ready for commitment..I have made some changes over the past month and I want to contact her and tell her im ready. I sent her and detailed email explaining what happened and said she can move in with me now by the end of the month. Im losing hope but I dont want to throw away seven years of a good relationship overcpl months of slow distance. If she come Iim going to marry her (which is what she wants).

[Simon Phoenix]

The fact is that I did care..work just took over my life and she came second place.this was for the past 3 months..when they say "you don't know what you have till its gone " is true.and I don't want to lose her.she said I'm not ready for commitment..I have made some changes over the past month and I want to contact her and tell her im ready. I sent her and detailed email explaining what happened and said she can move in with me now by the end of the month. Im losing hope but I dont want to throw away seven years of a good relationship overcpl months of slow distance. If she come Iim going to marry her (which is what she wants).

 

You sent the email and put your thoughts out there. Now it's time to sit back. She knows where you stand right now.

[mygosher]

ok thanks everyone for the responses.Phoenix a guy friend(experienced) said I should do the same thing. This situation happened before both for me and her "GIGS" I guess, and we returned to each other. first time she left it was for about 2 months then I remember I got a call out of nowhere about some random stuff, and then boom we were back together. At this point I can go out and get girls, another partner etc. But I don't really want to. I've made my choice to be her. Earlier in the year she made it clear she wanted marriage. she waited and waited for me.Thats when I should have gotten her a ring.

 

I took just a bit longer than expected to fulfill her wants (house,ring) and now when I sorted out everything she removed herself from my life. When she said i should move on she had a kinda smirk/low laugh over the phone as if she knew she was going to send me in chaos, like she wanted me to move faster etc. I know she knows how I feel(i want to write an email to tell her again but won't).

[mygosher]

The fact is that I have two businesses and it takes up a lot of my time. That's what happened. I thought she would have understood this. She said she doesn't have anything to look forward to in the future.When in fact she does.I'm making sure that when we have children we can live more than comfortably and enjoy life together.

[ColdAlone]

If she really said she wanted a house and get married and you have two business to make it happen.... That is commitment in my book.

 

Then again, I made the same mistake of being too busy with the future to enjoy the here and now to the fullest.

[mygosher]

the future and what can happen/what if starts from now ..hard/smart work and determination makes it i know.I have a lot of houses etc. but when it comes down to losing your partner it's different. I don't want to lose her.Now that I'm ready to show her commitment she wants to make me put in even more effort, which I'm willing to do. But women need to give us guys a little slack sometimes.

 

Things weren't going to happen overnight, now I'm ready and she is paying me back for letting her wait so long.Maybe it's karma or not but nothing will be ever perfect and I though she would be more understanding. This came out of nowhere. Ideals aren't life. I know now. I gave her a promise ring when we first started dating.

And I would gladly marry her if she accepts..just frustrated

[Simon Phoenix]

ok thanks everyone for the responses.Phoenix a guy friend(experienced) said I should do the same thing. This situation happened before both for me and her "GIGS" I guess, and we returned to each other. first time she left it was for about 2 months then I remember I got a call out of nowhere about some random stuff, and then boom we were back together. At this point I can go out and get girls, another partner etc. But I don't really want to. I've made my choice to be her. Earlier in the year she made it clear she wanted marriage. she waited and waited for me.Thats when I should have gotten her a ring.

 

I took just a bit longer than expected to fulfill her wants (house,ring) and now when I sorted out everything she removed herself from my life. When she said i should move on she had a kinda smirk/low laugh over the phone as if she knew she was going to send me in chaos, like she wanted me to move faster etc. I know she knows how I feel(i want to write an email to tell her again but won't).

 

So this is the second time you've broken up? I think you might have to come to the realization that maybe this isn't the best union. And honestly, it doesn't matter whatsoever what choice you made if she didn't make the same choice.

 

But yeah, if you've broken up twice, the odds of a third try working (should it even come to pass) aren't good.

[todreaminblue]

Np contact is to heal and get over someone ...if you want them back or want to give the relationship a fighting chance contact is a must.....deb

[Simon Phoenix]

Np contact is to heal and get over someone ...if you want them back or want to give the relationship a fighting chance contact is a must.....deb

 

This isn't true in the immediate aftermath. If you want a reconciliation to work, you have to have some time away from each other to process the breakup. Contact with an ex after a break is a bad idea no matter what you want to do. Even if you do get back that way, it's temporary and you are jumping back into the exact same flawed relationship, which leads to another break 99 times out of 100.

[mygosher]

that's why I'm contemplating either to send her another email or not.I probably won't but want to. When things are good they are perfect. But a little glich and she runs away. I don't understand that. What I want to tell her and what every man should tell their woman(in a ltr) is that I would never leave her for another woman.I understand attraction and what not, yea, But don't just pull the rug from under someone just because. Messed up my head.Last thing she said was "keep doing what you're doing, not caring." I'm thinking to myself, wow, if she ever knew how much a actually cared, it's not about sex, $, or anything when you find your partner nothing else matters.

[Simon Phoenix]

that's why I'm contemplating either to send her another email or not.I probably won't but want to. When things are good they are perfect. But a little glich and she runs away. I don't understand that. What I want to tell her and what every man should tell their woman(in a ltr) is that I would never leave her for another woman.I understand attraction and what not, yea, But don't just pull the rug from under someone just because. Messed up my head.Last thing she said was "keep doing what you're doing, not caring." I'm thinking to myself, wow, if she ever knew how much a actually cared, it's not about sex, $, or anything when you find your partner nothing else matters.

 

NO MORE EMAILS. And the fact she scatters at the first sign of turmoil should be telling. But chill with the damn emails -- you'll go from "guy looking for one last chance" to "creepy, obsessed, clingy stalker guy" if you continue down that road. You made your thoughts known -- now let them sink in for her. You continuing to press the issue will make her more steadfast in wanting nothing to do with you.

[mygosher]

contact right after isn't always good I know, I got her back in the past from us being away for a while.Yes everyone says break up once, twice and such, her and i are the same. I smoked cigs, she hated it, on a break we reconciled smoking and we're alright. I know things happen for a reason and my good(experienced) friend says to "TRUST YOUR LUCK" whether it doesn't show now, it will show later on in life. I haven't been unlucky in my life and i Thank THE LORD . this situation is just a headache, and I'm going through the motions. I love her and she loves me. just conflicting thought plague. Don't know whether to contact her or let things go as they should, good or bad.

[Simon Phoenix]

You do realize that "trust your luck" could also apply to you possibly meeting someone better down the road as well right? No contacting right now -- don't be that guy that harasses his ex. You wrote your piece -- let it marinate.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Listen to Simon, wish I did lulz.