Hopeful30 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 ...with a rebound that you would do with a girl you are genuinely into? The reason I'm asking is because I just started dating this guy that I'm seriously interested in. I've started developing feelings for him in only a few short weeks and i'm terrified of getting my heart broken. Why? Because he broke up with his ex of almost 2 years only a month before we started officially dating. I did research but what men do with rebounds is also what they do with women they are genuinely into. "Being affectionate" can mean he's into you, or just looking to replace his ex cuz he's craving the intimacy. "Making plans with you ahead of time" can mean he's into you and likes you, or just that he doesn't want to be alone so includes you in everything (a.k.a rebound). So I want to ask the guys... what's something I should look out for? Something that you know for sure makes a woman the real deal and not a rebound? I'm started to fall for this guy but before I give in, I want to make sure he's into me for the right reasons. Thank you!
ponchsox Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 It really depends on the man. Some can get over previous relationships more quickly than others. Just pay attention to his behavior. Does he ever bad mouth his ex? Did he end the relationship on good terms? What did he learn from it? At some point, after a couple of dates, you have to have this discussion with him to see if he's ready before you end up heartbroken. Take it slow and really get to know one another.
salparadise Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 If he broke up with her it's probably better, but still the danger is that you're serving as a placeholder to assuage the emptiness. If he broke up because she cheated or was seeing someone else then he's probably still hurting, but if he just lost interest and ended it with no major drama it might not be too bad. Either way, a month is not much time you're right to be cautious. But you are already in a tough spot since you've started developing feeling this soon and don't know where he is on the timeline. Time to figure it out. Talk about it.
Author Hopeful30 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Well what happened is when he told me when they broke up, I told him it was recent and it made me question what he was doing with me. I told him I didn't want to be a rebound and since I was developing feelings for him, it scared me that he moved on to me so quickly after his last relationship. He said he understood where I was coming from and didn't blame me for how I felt, but said that he felt it was a bit unfair that I was assuming I am a rebound. Said he saw no point in hiding his feelings if he felt something about someone. Told me that he understands if I decide not to see him anymore and that he won't tell me what to do. His exact words were "Just do what your heart/gut tells you." I took a few days to gather myself and then we resumed being normal with each other. He hasn't given me any reason to believe im a rebound, although he did say he didn't want to jump into anything serious but he still wants to see where this goes. I've also seen him reject the advances of other women. He made it clear that he is exclusively dating me (and no one else).
Claysmommy Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Listen to him. If it's one thing I've learned when a man discloses something about himself (i.e. I don't want anything serious) take that to heart and keep that in mind. So as long as you are okay with having a "casual" relationship then feel free to continue with it. On the other hand, if you think at any point you could see yourself wanting something LT or serious then I'd be cautionary, because chances are he will not allow himself to put more energy then necessary to maintain the casual relationship he'd like to have with you. So even if you invest yourself completely in this relationship, don't expect him to. Generally I will not date a guy that just broke up with someone within a month time frame. I think anywhere from 3-6 months is much better. It indicates that the person has had a decent amount of time to be alone, gather their thoughts and figure out what went wrong with the relationship. 6-12 months after a break up is even better. Knowing what I know, I would not date someone who has been broken up for only a month, 4 weeks is not enough time. At a minimum at least give it a few months before pursuing a new relationship, otherwise it says "rebound" to me. And I know this from experience. Even if I had a short term relationship, 1 month was not really enough time to move on. It always took at least 3-12 months depending on the intensity of the relationship and the circumstances around it. And people won't necessarily give off signs that they are using you as a rebound, but overtime, especially as you try to move in the serious territory that is when their "issues"(i.e. relationship baggage) will most likely come forth. Just an FYI. If I were you, and you were really into him, I'd make sure that you take it super slow, don't do anything physical anytime soon, and make sure that you two are just getting to know each other.
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