9Lives Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 Well it has been a while but I stop seeing my mm about 2 months ago, I guess. He would text me here or there. On Nov 3, he received a video tape in the mail of his wife with another man. He saw them going bowling, dinner, and then HER paying for a hotel room. He was floored!! Hurt to the core to the point of crying. He moved out the house for about 2 weeks and went thru all this drama to find out they were seeing each other for about 1 year. So he comes and tells me about it about a month later. I was in shock but at the same time laughing my butt off. He deserved it. Big time. What do you guys think?
Patiently waiting Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 how exactly did he get the tape, and from who? I have a tape of me and my recent ex MM (as of this past week). However, it's not as casual.....it only takes place in one location....my bed. I would love to mail it to his wife, but I figure she is the one who will be hurt, not him.......she's been hurt enough...
Author 9Lives Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 Oh really...Well nobody know who sent the tape but he got it and knocked him off his feet. He told all about it and then told me he wanted to be homey, lover, friends and then he push me away again. .....I went off!!! I did not ask him to come back into my life and then he comes back and then goes away again. I actually hate him because I feel he is so DISRESPECTFUL.
Patiently waiting Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 yeah, he did deserve it, but obviously didn't really see the other side too well if he's after you again. You would think he would learn from that. It sounds more like he just has the "ownership" feeling for his wife and not really "love". All MM who attempt to engage in relationships with OW are disrespectful...... they are a sad breed.....we girls need to learn to see them for who they are and stay clear, no matter how much we want them.
Author 9Lives Posted December 12, 2004 Author Posted December 12, 2004 Well I have definately learned my lesson. I feel very used because we broke up and then I let him come back. He came back for a day and said he wanted to be homey, lover, friends....I believed him. Then he turned around in less than a week and said he does not want to do that anymore. I just told him to go away and never come back. I dont want to be disrespected any longer. I feel better that I can move on with my life and not have to wonder if he will call or want hm to call or anything. I am glad it is over. I hate him.
Patiently waiting Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Be very cautious jvjrose, there is a fine line between love and hate..... I HATE my MM as well, but I don't know how well I would deal with it if he came back to me. I have mixed feelings on him not contacting me......but I figure if he really wanted to be with me, he would have left his wife by now. Guess it just wasn't meant to be.... Now I have to learn to accept that fact. Somewhere deep down inside me I still have this inkling of hope, maybe with time it will go away.... I just hate to think that I will lose that "feeling" for him. I really don't want to, but I know I have to........ "I feel very used because we broke up and then I let him come back. He came back for a day and said he wanted to be homey, lover, friends....I believed him. Then he turned around in less than a week and said he does not want to do that anymore." >>>My MM did the same thing.........I felt the same way.
Author 9Lives Posted December 13, 2004 Author Posted December 13, 2004 I feel better hating him and thinking the worst. There is no hope in me. I just want to forget he ever existed. I did not ask him to leave his wife. I just wanted to be respected. BUT THAT WAS ASKING TOO MUCH!!! THAT IS WHY I JUST HATE HIM....I WISH I COULD SPIT IN HIS FACE!!!
Patiently waiting Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Originally posted by jvjrose I feel better hating him and thinking the worst. There is no hope in me. I just want to forget he ever existed. I did not ask him to leave his wife. I just wanted to be respected. BUT THAT WAS ASKING TOO MUCH!!! THAT IS WHY I JUST HATE HIM....I WISH I COULD SPIT IN HIS FACE!!! The best thing now is to respect yourself and not let your anger toward him get the best of you. I would love to go to my MM's house and tell him off, but by doing that it would somehow give him the satisfaction of knowing how much I cared for him. The best thing you can do is just try to let go of the anger, feel sorry for him that he will never know what it is like to experience any deep meaningful emotions and that he has no idea what he is ultimately missing in life by treating people with such disregard. And if that doesn't work........drive by his house and toss a hubcap through the front window of his car! Hehe!!!
Destiny2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Originally posted by jvjrose I feel better hating him and thinking the worst. There is no hope in me. I just want to forget he ever existed. I did not ask him to leave his wife. I just wanted to be respected. BUT THAT WAS ASKING TOO MUCH!!! THAT IS WHY I JUST HATE HIM....I WISH I COULD SPIT IN HIS FACE!!! I HATE my ex-MM also. and just like you, i never asked him to leave his wife. I never wanted him as my own and never will. I just wanted to be respected. and yes, in my case also, that was asking too much. he doesn't realize what a good OW i was, because i would never do anything to ruin his life, like go to his house and tell his wife. i would never do that - ever. some girls would. he doesn't realize how lucky he is that he got a girl who wouldn't. but i ended it about 6 weeks ago and i miss him terribly, but been strong and haven't called him (he hasn't call me either, which pisses me off) I don't think I will ever call him again, and I'm so damn happy about that. I am so happy that I now have the strength. i hope you all reading this gain that strenght too!
Author 9Lives Posted December 13, 2004 Author Posted December 13, 2004 Originally posted by Destiny2004 I HATE my ex-MM also. and just like you, i never asked him to leave his wife. I never wanted him as my own and never will. I just wanted to be respected. and yes, in my case also, that was asking too much. he doesn't realize what a good OW i was, because i would never do anything to ruin his life, like go to his house and tell his wife. i would never do that - ever. some girls would. he doesn't realize how lucky he is that he got a girl who wouldn't. but i ended it about 6 weeks ago and i miss him terribly, but been strong and haven't called him (he hasn't call me either, which pisses me off) I don't think I will ever call him again, and I'm so damn happy about that. I am so happy that I now have the strength. i hope you all reading this gain that strenght too! oh my goodness!!!!! Somebody finally understand how I feel. You are 100% correct. I did not want him just wanted his respect...THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I HATE HIM SOOOOOO MUCH. I DONT MISS HIM. I feel like that was the least he could do. I already wasnt getting treated that well and was trying to be understanding and then that mf couldn't be respectful to me and that is when I developed a total disliking of him. I have nake pictures of him too. I could have really worked him over. I am telling you. I really need to pray because I totally am disgusted with him. The least he could have done was showed me respect. That really hurt me. Who cares if he was not leaving his ugly wife. That is not what I wanted. Gosh I am so glad I shared this with you.
Patiently waiting Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 Just out of curiousity, why did you even want to have a relationship with someone that you didn't want to progress into something more? Isn't that just kinda the natural course of things? That is confusing to me. Were you also dating other guys?
Author 9Lives Posted December 13, 2004 Author Posted December 13, 2004 I know that this is hard to understand especially if you have never been thru something like this before. I hope you can understand that no I did not want him to myself as my own man but at the same time I did not want to be treated like garbage. If that is the case, I could have treated him like garbage too. Do you understand what I mean?
Patiently waiting Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 I do understand that you wanted him just to show you respect and not necessarily be with you full time, that you did not want him to yourself and had no qualms about him being married and staying with his wife. The part I don't get is why? Why would you even entertain having a relationship that would never progress? Are you just not looking for anything serious right now? Just trying to have fun until you are ready for a serious relationship? That's the only thing I can think of. I have a feeling you are probably way younger than me and we are just at different stages of what kind of relationships we are looking for right now. Am I even close???
Owl Posted December 13, 2004 Posted December 13, 2004 While I can feel sorry for how you're feeling JVJ, I think it's funny as heck that he got EXACTLY what he deserved. He decided to cheat on his wife with you...which of course meant that he wasn't being as intimate with her. So then he's hurt, bent over double on the floor to find out that she's doing the exact same thing that he's doing??? ROFLMBO...I applaud whoever made and sent the tape. My money says its his wife...she probably knew/suspected about the two of you, and figured she'd get back at him for it by doing exactly what she did. I do really think you're better off without him. If he's willing to continue your affair, KNOWING what it would/is doing to his wife, then he's scum. He's got no heart. Find yourself someone better. Now is the best time to do so. Just make sure that he's single this time, so you don't get hurt like this again!
Destiny2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Originally posted by jvjrose I know that this is hard to understand especially if you have never been thru something like this before. I hope you can understand that no I did not want him to myself as my own man but at the same time I did not want to be treated like garbage. If that is the case, I could have treated him like garbage too. Do you understand what I mean? It is very hard for people who have not been OW to understand it. And I hate when they judge. But I can also understand their point of view. But I also KNOW my point of view and I know its not easy to break it off and I know it is wrong but its a hard situtation to live in. And just because you dn't wan the MM as your own doesn't mean you don't deserve to be respected. I always treated my MM great, always offered help with anything from cooking him dinner (when his wife never did) to buying him cell phone assessories (haha). I should have gotten something back in return. But I didn't, all I got was grief and 2 years of misery. But, in a way its good that this happened, because I always thought "my man will never cheat on me", but that is not true. A husband or boyfriend will cheat on the women he is madly in love with. It doesn't matter - they cheat! This has opened my eyes, and now, when and if I get married, I know the signs of a cheating man and I know what the OW is feeling like. I believe everything happens for a reason. And the past 2 years were miserable for me, but that was for a reason and I learned a lot from that misery and I have a completely different view on relationships and life. :-)
Author 9Lives Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 Originally posted by Owl While I can feel sorry for how you're feeling JVJ, I think it's funny as heck that he got EXACTLY what he deserved. He decided to cheat on his wife with you...which of course meant that he wasn't being as intimate with her. So then he's hurt, bent over double on the floor to find out that she's doing the exact same thing that he's doing??? ROFLMBO...I applaud whoever made and sent the tape. My money says its his wife...she probably knew/suspected about the two of you, and figured she'd get back at him for it by doing exactly what she did. I do really think you're better off without him. If he's willing to continue your affair, KNOWING what it would/is doing to his wife, then he's scum. He's got no heart. Find yourself someone better. Now is the best time to do so. Just make sure that he's single this time, so you don't get hurt like this again! I am so glad you responded to my post because I was hoping I would talk to you. I am sad that it ended like it did for us. I wish it would have ended more clean. He told me that our relationship was just sexual but that just does not seem true to me. We spend alot of time together. We never went out but we talked practically every and he tell me and trust me with alot of personal things. It was just alot stuff that friends did that we would do that was friendly. I kinda feel like he said that to hurt my feelings which is pretty ugly in itself. He told me he would do that to his wife so I should not have been surpised. I guess I feel like I was good to him and I deserved to be treated with more respect. It just would have been easier for me to walk on. Now we are enemies. I wont ever see him again. We just part like it never happen . All of that hurts me. I know I meant more to him because of the things he would say but I know that he loves his family too. I know that he is really not a good person and he go what he deserved. I just hope they never work their problems out because he is so selfish and self centered.. I want to post the nake picture of him on his car and write on it "I hate your guts!!" or something to attack him . I just feel bad about his way of dealing with me. That is my problem. I was too nice and he turned out to so ugly still. That is what hurts more that anything. It was uncalled for. He didnt have any reason to be mean and disrespectful to me.
Patiently waiting Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 He didn't have a reason , hold your head high and be proud that you don't let him disrespect you anymore! RESPECT By: Aretha Franklin (oo) What you want (oo) Baby, I got (oo) What you need (oo) Do you know I got it? (oo) All I'm askin' (oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit) Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit) mister (just a little bit) I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo) All I'm askin' (oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit) Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit) Yeah (just a little bit) I'm about to give you all of my money And all I'm askin' in return, honey Is to give me my profits When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a) Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a) When you get home (just a little bit) Yeah (just a little bit) ------ instrumental break ------ Ooo, your kisses (oo) Sweeter than honey (oo) And guess what? (oo) So is my money (oo) All I want you to do (oo) for me Is give it to me when you get home (re, re, re ,re) Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re) Whip it to me (respect, just a little bit) When you get home, now (just a little bit) R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me R-E-S-P-E-C-T Take care of TCB Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me) A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me) Whoa, babe (just a little bit) A little respect (just a little bit) I get tired (just a little bit) Keep on tryin' (just a little bit) You're runnin' out of foolin' (just a little bit) And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit) (re, re, re, re) 'spect When you come home (re, re, re ,re) Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit) And find out I'm gone (just a little bit) I got to have (just a little bit) A little respect (just a little bit)
Dane1965 Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Not all men are that bad. But what i have read is simply a sad transition phase. being badly hurt and aware that not being with someone is not an easy period. Worse, if this person has not been able to understand your feelings and the meaning of just being with you. the question is, just for the future, is what do you define as respect? Not that we don't know what respect is, but perhaps some certain scenario's happened where you felt you were put to the ground. Did you then tell him this? We can do our best in life, but we are no mind readers. Even that i am a man and try to do my best to understand women (life time job :-)) we will still be very much different. I hope you will get out of this grief and hate period. I hope that you will know what to tell the next guy you meet what you feel about respect and what is important, how to show respect to you... I am not sure that wishing him that much pain due to the fact that he has received the videotape of his wife. This is not the situation we want ANY to go through. Perhaps with your anger it all makes sense. But it isn't good. you have both been hurt. Two ego's not doing to well. I guess that you finally can do revenge since he seems weak at the moment. At the end of the day, this will newer be a sound thing. I hope that you will do well and perhaps have a nice xmas..all the best
Owl Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Originally posted by jvjrose I am so glad you responded to my post because I was hoping I would talk to you. LOL...now that's scary. I figured I've probably offended the vast majority of people on this site by now, so its darned hard to imagine someone WANTING me to post on their thread! hehe If you ever feel like you want my input, feel free to PM me. I don't know how helpful I really am, but if I can help, I will. My suggestion...write him a nastygram, outlining exactly how you feel about what he's done and what you've been through. Hold nothing back!! Be honest, and as hurtful and blunt as you want to be. Then...put it aside for a day or two. And decide whether you still want to send it. Sometimes, just writing it out is enough to help you work through what you feel. But, if you feel after a day or so that you still need closure, go back to it, make any changes you wanna make, and send it to him. Good luck!!
Author 9Lives Posted December 18, 2004 Author Posted December 18, 2004 well I have decided not to get the revenge by putting this picture on his truck. I still have a strong urge to do it because I am still upset about it but I think it would be better to so go on with my life. My uncle said the best way to get him back is never speak to him again. I dont know if that is true or not but I guess since he is a man he knows what he is talking about. I hope I never see him again. I am so disgusted still.
Recommended Posts