Puma Posted December 12, 2004 Posted December 12, 2004 its been a mth now since my break and its supposed to get easier, but its not. i find myself so strong at times but then so low at times. i continue with limited contact as i see taht is what is best for my situation. i love my ex extremely and the more time that passes i find it just increasing..whcih only validates howmuch i care for her. ive never felt this way about anyone: ok well she has just finished her college semester this past friday and when her finals started i had sent her a text wishin her g luck and hope she does well, and she replied right back to my surprise. we had a bit of on an on goin chat and i just let her know that she would do fine becauase its her. she replied "tahts what im woried about. its me" i told her "hey be positive! trust yourself, i said its you because ur smart. ciao" she replied back later on right before her final was gonna begin with a simple "here i go". ok so now that she is done with the semester, i know she will now have more time to herself to party, hang out with friends, family, whatever it is she wanted as this is what caused her stress and led to the break. i jsut feel confused because she recently joined a website community of friends and has our pic on her page..she also has info about things she liek sto do..and most of the stuff is stuff that we havedone and places we have gone and even things she still says are on her list, but those are places i told her i would take her to....so now why does she do taht?
Scott S Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Like we discussed in earlier threads, apparently she (both of you, I believe) have been under some stress with a lot of things going on. With exams over & a nice semester break, you both have the opportunity to decompress a bit. If I were you, I wouldn't read too much into what she's posted in the website. It appears to me that she is simply describing herself & her interests. Did you read anything to suggest that she is attempting to "hook up" with someone new?
Author Puma Posted December 14, 2004 Author Posted December 14, 2004 yes i know that this winter break will help take away the stress that built up...more for her than me. hmm..well theres not really anything sayin she wants to directly hook up..only thing close to that is that her friends are tryin to get her to meet guys n stuff ("come with us this wkd, i have someone that wants to meet you")..but thats normal right? cause i know my friends are tryin to do the same to me. also she said somethin that her three fave things in this world are food, dancing, and kissing..and she made a comment bout the kissing that she ("dont do it with a lot of people but when she does she luvs to *wink") thats the only thing i could say in terms of hookin up..she also states that she not lookin for a serious relationship. i also stupidly snooped around and found that she told her two best friends taht it tough being single (referin to talkin to me last time on the phone on thanksgivin). as of recently i have decided to stop lookin at her website though cause i think ignorance is bliss.
Scott S Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 Hello Puma: I hope that semester break does give you both the time you need to decompress. Although my collegiate days are some time ago (well, not THAT long), I still well remember the stress. I still have the occasional nightmare about finding out immediately before finals about a course that I didn't know I was enrolled in. That seems to be common amongst those who have been there. My late mother-in-law related having that nightmare when she was in her 60's! As I had suggested in one of your other threads, you really need to consider the possibility that she is not at a point in her life where she wants to be in the sort of relationship you desire. With that in mind, perhaps you should focus more on yourself, develop other interests & relationships, & of course, your academic work. It seems to me that she needs you to be a platonic friend rather than a boyfriend for now.
Author Puma Posted December 15, 2004 Author Posted December 15, 2004 haha i was actually enrolled in a course i didnt even sign up for this semester and when i saw mytranscript i had to get it taken cared of..ive had many friends that the same thing has happened..hmmm, the educational system sucks, theyjsut want money money and more of it. either way my finals are done as of today so i feel more relaxed and stress free. itdoes buildup and causes diff emotions..which cause to certain events. yes i know that is it..shenot ather point in her life where she wants a bf i gues..and it sucks she had to be with me to find that out, but i love her and will respect that cause its the only thing i can really do. people change, and so does our mind..we are in constant change as humans, therefore, we have to take things day by day cause people do change their minds right? thanks for ur help..and actually i checked her page last night and she took off a lot of her info andaddedone more pic of us together so i take that pleasant, but im justgonna letit be for now and see if time will change things..which it will as i feel i havegrown over this whole mth of the break. damn..those first few weeks after..they suck!! haha take care and thanks again, oh and whats up with ur situation? do u even have one? or are u just here to be a helpful soul
Scott S Posted December 15, 2004 Posted December 15, 2004 It sounds like you’re taking it fairly well. Glad to see that. You’re right, the immediate aftermath is an unpleasant adjustment, and a lengthy one. One’s emotions cannot simply be turned off like a switch. My situation? I was divorced in 1992, my ex deciding to “trade up,” & taking up with the husband of one of her best friends. Sounds like something out of “Desperate Housewives.” In the aftermath, I went through the anger, resentment, depression, sadness, & all the other emotions that posters share here. A few years later, I met Gina, a beautiful, gentle-spirited, kind-hearted Christian woman. After a platonic friendship, we began dating, & I soon began doing something I swore I would never do, which was fall in love. After what was one of the hardest salesmanship efforts of my life, she eventually said “Yes.” Next May will be our 9TH wedding anniversary. So why am I here now, you ask? I can't remember exactly how I found the board, but in reading it, I saw people going through relationship difficulties, & felt that I could offer both helpful advice (based on my experiences & how I coped), & some assurances that life does indeed go on, & that things eventually do get better.
Author Puma Posted December 15, 2004 Author Posted December 15, 2004 oh WOW, congrats!!! good to hear taht..and its nice and says a lot about ur character for u to be will into help others. GOD will bless you for sure..well, put it this way..he already has, ur with ur wife now i wish ya the best of luck with that..and i know that itis capabel to love again..some just choose not to. however,thanks for ur advice..and im sure i wont stop here casue my stituation is still fairly fresh and i knowi will be insearchof opinions and sugesstions throughout this time, thanks for thissite and and the people that have made it a way to vent, grief, cope, and gain all that was once lost..ourselves. and if in the process we can help others to better their chances with their lifeor gettin back with someone..i share that helpful attitude! lets roll!!
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