Help!!!! Boyfriend went to Iraq...how to support him?????

[badgebunny]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum...I need some advice PLEASE!! My new boyfriend of 5 months is in Iraq, Tikrit to be exact. All we have is email, but email gets misinterpreted many times. Things I write that I think he'd want to hear gets misconstrued. I write "sentimental" things mostly, but I think this upsets him somehow? If I write about what's going on back here, I'm afraid it'll make him more homesick?

 

My question is what is it like over there the hours and conditions? What do I do to support him through this...about a year. I told him I'd wait for him because he's definitely worth it to me. I was in the military myself, but never in a war time situation. He's a cop in "real life" and in the Army he's was a Ranger on active duty a long time ago, now that's he's reserves he's a drill sargeant. He didn't think he'd get called up because he trains soldiers, but they did call him to now train Iraqi soldiers.

 

My other question...no one understands what I'm going through around here...how do I get through this agonizing wait without going "crazy"????

[seera]

I completely understand military life...its a bitch..

 

Just continue to be yourself but please, don't get over-excited. He is also as lost as you are but has the disadvantage of being miles and miles away. Keep your correspondence as light as possible, let him know how much you love him but don't over due it. He is going through alot over there right now, and he needs some sort of stability from you.

 

Anytime you need to talk or vent please feel free to drop me a line....I will be there.

 

 

 

 

seera

[Queen B]

Hey girl, got a BF in the military too...hasn't been overseas (yet!) since we've been together but he does travel alot and I miss him very much when he's away.

 

As for people to talk to, I keep busy but when I really feel isolate and need to vent I have some friends over who have BF's in the militray, they know what it's all about and have been throught the same things.

 

If you are going to be together for a long time, it's important to build yourself a support network.

[surfergirl]

I know what you are going through. I recently started a relationship with someone who has been deployed to Iraq - Baghdad. We email each other daily and he manages to get a call through about once a week. It's really hard being so far apart.

 

I've found that the emotional ups and downs for these guys can be trying at times. He would ask me to tell him all about what I'm doing here and then the next day not talk at all. Depression seems to be a big issue too. I've tried the long emails and the short ones. Keep to the shorter ones.

 

Let him know you are there for him when he feels like talking. So far it's working for me.

 

Good luck!

sg

[badgebunny]

These last few days have been sooo much easier...I'm keeping extremely busy. I've also decreased the amount of emails and the length. I've also promised myself to just "relax" he'll be okay. He's going to have good days and bad days, but as long as he knows that I'm here through it all he'll be fine. Sooo, everyone's advice was definitely taken, and it's lifted a HUGE weight off my shoulders. It's great to know that there are other women out there who'll stand by the guy they love. Some of my friends asked why I'm waiting when I've only known him a short time...when you know you just know. And when I make a promise, it's something I've thought about and have no problem keeping. I get tired of the way SO MANY people are in this world today....anyway, thanks again for all your support;-)

[Dustinsgirl]

Hi, I m new to this posting thing, but I wanted to say that it is definitely hard to wait for someone who is overseas when you havent even known them that long.

 

I am going through this myself....My boyfriend was sent to Korea with the army two months ago and we didn't know each other long at all. BUT, i know hes the one for me , and I am willing to wait however long he may be there. He is definitely worth it!!!

 

Alot of my friends and family think I am a little crazy for wanting to wait for him since they feel we barely know each other but what they dont realize is I know more about him than other people I have dated for much longer.

 

As far as how to support your bf when hes gone. I agree with teh shorter emails vs the longer ones. Basically just let him know you are thinking about him..Also, my boyfriend tells me the thing that makes him feel best is when I tell him that I have been doing everything I would as if he were here. He doesnt want me to be sad, and when we do talk on the phone he always makes me laugh because he said when I laugh he can see the smile on my face.

 

So just let him know you are doing okay and that you have been keeping yourself busy with work, school, etc whatever you do !!!

 

Shan

[SoleMate]

Write about home things, with lots of detail, so he can visualize it. Include simple things, like a funny thing the cat did, or what the weather has been like. Updates on his friends and family. Let him know what's on your mind, big stuff or little stuff, as long as it doesn't get too repetitive or sobby. (EXCEPTION: It is always acceptable to be repetitive when saying "I love you".) Possibly recap in a tasteful way some physical affection that you have shared and how you felt about it. Sure, he'll be a bit homesick, but I bet you that those letters will get carefully folded away and re-read about 100 times each.

[Linds]

Hey, i've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now. He is a Marine and has been in Najaf, Iraq for a little over six months. Read the book Jarhead...i actually forget the author of it..but im sure you can look it up. Its about a marine that was in Desert Storm...basically everything that the person in the book is going through is exactly what your guy is probably thinking too. There are good days and bad days. My boyfriend was in a huge battle in the Najaf cemetary in August, he was completely different after that. War changes a person completely...all he wants is to come home, just keep telling him how proud you are of him, and don't try to force what his days are like out of him, he'll talk when he wants. Other then that, long e-mails are best. My boyfriend actually always asks me to write a long e-mails to him everytime i talk to him. The computers are their gateways away from the war. Make sure you constantly write letters to him too. Send lots of pictures of you and his friends, and basically just do what he asks. If he says be online at a certain time, but you already have plans...cancel your plans, he needs you more then your friends do. Soo...really, just be there for him 100%...don't worry if he doesn't talk to you somedays...dont probe him with questions if he's not talking as much, just keep the convos light and cheery. its more work than people around you will give you credit for. soo you have to stay just as strong as your guy. Good Luck

[RowanRavyn]

There is an old saying that if the military wanted you to have dependants they would have issued them.

 

Try to stay as much yourself as you can. Thats the best thing you can do for him. Do you have a digital camera? Make pictures and save them as small files and share them.

 

If you would like to PM me his name I will add him to our wall. We have a wall of yellow ribbons, photos and names. I don't agree with this war, but I respect every soldier thats fighting it.

 

BTW anyone hear from LadyAngel? How is her son?

[Owl]

I've been in his shoes. Rowan is so on the money it's not funny. Letters from home, emails, anything. She's got it right about the content too...major things are nice, but let him know about the small stuff too. Make it sound like a conversation that you're having with him right there. My wife would "chronicle" sometimes...start a letter, put it down, put in the date/time when she started it back up, and send the whole thing at once. She'd include things the kids had done, pics drawn by them, pictures of any family events, etc...

 

Make sure that you let him know how much you need/miss him. Don't make him feel like he's let you down by being there, but let him know that you do wish he were still there with you. The tasteful "physical" part Rowan mentioned helps a lot too. It's important for him to know that he's still loved, and wanted, and needed, and that he's not going to be replaced in any way while he's gone.

 

If you can, send him books, small games, candies, etc... Those little "tastes" of home mean a lot when you're living in a tent in the sand. Maybe ask some of your mutual friends if they'd like to send him a little something like that as well.

 

Very thoughtful of you to post here asking for this kind of advice, by the way. He sounds like a lucky guy!