narixan Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 My ex and me broek up sometime more than 4-5 months ago. She is living in another city, and not in FB anymore, and I'm wondering how she is. It's been a few weeks that I'm thinking of her.. and her though doesn't let me be the guy I used to be. Should I contact her?
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 As long as you have no expectations other than checking up on her, why not ?
Author narixan Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 It's kind of funny but what should I say? 3 months ago I texted her and she didn't reply me..
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 It's kind of funny but what should I say? 3 months ago I texted her and she didn't reply me.. You can still try again. I contacted my (other) ex after 5 years. She still has feelings for me, despite the fact that she went back to her ex. You never know unless you put your heart out there.... If it's a no, at the very least you won't be wondering 'what if'...
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 You can still try again. I contacted my (other) ex after 5 years. She still has feelings for me, despite the fact that she went back to her ex. You never know unless you put your heart out there.... If it's a no, at the very least you won't be wondering 'what if'... You follow this, you're back to square one. She dumped you. ..if she wanted you back, she would let you know. She doesn't, so she won't. 2
lihp Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 You follow this, you're back to square one. She dumped you. ..if she wanted you back, she would let you know. She doesn't, so she won't. I would second that. I broke NC after only 3 weeks, worst mistake, back to square one. I ain't doing that again too risky. 1
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 You follow this, you're back to square one. She dumped you. ..if she wanted you back, she would let you know. She doesn't, so she won't. I don't think it's all that simple. People are not robots. I think it happens very frequently that people want someone back in their life but are afraid to get hurt if they speak up. It wouldn't matter who dumped who. People make mistakes. Correcting them takes guts. 2
velozdelnorte Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 The consensus says it all, dont do it !! your only setting yourself up for yet more hurt, trust me ive done it on both sides and its not fair and just not worth the pain and hurt you will surely get, im sorry and i know it must be hard but please, remember stay strong NC means NC !!!
clementyne Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) May I ask how/why the relationship ended?? Edited October 26, 2013 by clementyne
aybc123 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 depends who broke up with who. if you dumped them then sure go for it. if it was the other way around thennnn, mah if you feel fine about it otherwise then why not, just a simple 'hey hows it going?' you could try waiting another few months before doing this if you're worried about it setting you back or being too soon to get a response. Probably deciding that you will contact them again at some point will scratch the itch you're feeling now and putting it off until you're both really over it might mean it goes more smoothly/ you actually get a response. It wont 'put you back to square one though' that's just ridiculous, you cant wind back time or its distancing effects. It would only do that if you ended up having some hugely deep conversation with them, talked about getting back together than then they disappeared again. Even then you'd get over it a lot quicker because once bitten twice shy. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I don't think it's all that simple. People are not robots. I think it happens very frequently that people want someone back in their life but are afraid to get hurt if they speak up. It wouldn't matter who dumped who. People make mistakes. Correcting them takes guts. Yes lol it does matter. Thats ridiculous. What, she is just going to be like "Oh,well since you asked, yeah I want you back." HELL NO thats doesnt happen. If they want you back bad enough, they will get in contact with you and make NO BONES ABOUT IT. People arent robots as you put it, but its basic human nature. Life isnt a rom-com. The above statement is what you WANT to believe because you want deep down for your ex to come back. I've read your threads. You cant force ANYONE to feel the way you do. If you dont think thats true, go fly and surprise her like you are planning on doing. See how that works out. 1
hurts2death Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 i dont think it depends who dumped who because. 1. many times the dumper becomes dumpee if change his her mind. 2.strong nc and ignorance should indicate the dumpee is indipedant and not so dumpee. 3.in the long run the dumpee feels like the dumper and the dumper feels like the dumpee... i mean they both get throught the same feelings cycle in different time and different volume... 1
hurts2death Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 sneak peak her.go to the other city...dont get detected though....it sounds pathetic but interesting i would say...My ex and me broek up sometime more than 4-5 months ago. She is living in another city, and not in FB anymore, and I'm wondering how she is. It's been a few weeks that I'm thinking of her.. and her though doesn't let me be the guy I used to be. Should I contact her?
headinthecloud Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 sneak peak her.go to the other city...dont get detected though....it sounds pathetic but interesting i would say... Do not take hurts2death's advice. That's stalker behaviour. If she dumped you and you contact her and she doesn't respond again, how will that make you feel? Are you really missing her or are you lonely? Answer these questions honestly and then make your decision. Keep in mind if you're looking to reconcile because you still have feelings for her and she was the dumper, her rejection again will take you back to day 1 of your BU.
Dinozzo925 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 It's hard to make a call like that over two sentences of information. The general consensus is always not to break NC, if a relationship ended it ended for a reason. Getting back with exs is always risky and the time you spent apart always ruins the "purity" of a strong relationship with two people who've always been together. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 sneak peak her.go to the other city...dont get detected though....it sounds pathetic but interesting i would say... Dude really???
cavalier99 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Contacting her is BAD BAD BAD idea. My thoughts. Cav
Simon Phoenix Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 sneak peak her.go to the other city...dont get detected though....it sounds pathetic but interesting i would say... This is possibly the worst advice I've seen on this site. Take a lap. As to the OP, I wouldn't do this if you have any expectations whatsoever or if a negative response/non-response would set you back. But if you are healed and are cool with whatever response you get, then perhaps you should. I would probably wait another month from this point to make sure you don't have any setbacks before proceeding. I actually broke a 5.5 month No Contact with my ex several months back. She responded and it led to a few months of sporadic talking before she kind of wigged out and started rehashing our breakup out of the blue, and we haven't talked since because I don't really want to have a weird, awkward hangout with her. And since I was healed before I started talking to her again, it didn't set me back at all -- I unwittingly got closure when I wasn't looking for it. HOWEVER, the only reason contact didn't set me back was because I was thorough in NC. Had I jumped the gun at all, I would have been back in sad bastard emoville. So be careful. 2
chinacat sunflower Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I contacted my ex around the 5 month mark by email. (He dumped me, then guilted me into coming back around, only to friend zone me, which i rejected. He then continued to make me feel guilty, I apologized and he cut me off completely.) So then after 5 months of silence, my grandma had passed away a few days earlier and was in the midst of a family feud, I emailed him during a moment of weakness. I had no expectations, and the way i worded the email, he did not need to reply. He never replied. It's good because it just confirms to me that he is a callous person. I don't need that in my life. And it made me let go of any hope I had. I don't regret emailing him. Whats done is done and there is nothing I can do about it now. I'm embarrassed. I poured my heart out, only to get nothing in return. Even an "eff you" would have sufficed. It was the biggest slap in the face, which I didn't deserve. He knows my feelings, which I know NOW, he does NOT deserve. Sometimes, certain things are better left unsaid. Whichever you choose, GOOD LUCK, and keep your head up! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I contacted my ex around the 5 month mark by email. (He dumped me, then guilted me into coming back around, only to friend zone me, which i rejected. He then continued to make me feel guilty, I apologized and he cut me off completely.) So then after 5 months of silence, my grandma had passed away a few days earlier and was in the midst of a family feud, I emailed him during a moment of weakness. I had no expectations, and the way i worded the email, he did not need to reply. He never replied. It's good because it just confirms to me that he is a callous person. I don't need that in my life. And it made me let go of any hope I had. I don't regret emailing him. Whats done is done and there is nothing I can do about it now. I'm embarrassed. I poured my heart out, only to get nothing in return. Even an "eff you" would have sufficed. It was the biggest slap in the face, which I didn't deserve. He knows my feelings, which I know NOW, he does NOT deserve. Sometimes, certain things are better left unsaid. Whichever you choose, GOOD LUCK, and keep your head up! Yeah, pouring out your feelings after a long NC is a horrible idea. When I broke mine I sent my ex an inside joke over text. Something light and fun.
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I actually broke a 5.5 month No Contact with my ex several months back. She responded and it led to a few months of sporadic talking before she kind of wigged out and started rehashing our breakup out of the blue, and we haven't talked since because I don't really want to have a weird, awkward hangout with her. And since I was healed before I started talking to her again, it didn't set me back at all -- I unwittingly got closure when I wasn't looking for it. HOWEVER, the only reason contact didn't set me back was because I was thorough in NC. Had I jumped the gun at all, I would have been back in sad bastard emoville. So be careful. Just wondering, was she with a new dude at that point or before??
Simon Phoenix Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Just wondering, was she with a new dude at that point or before?? Before, no clue whatsoever. She might have dated, she might not have. Didn't really care either way. At the time I ended up contacting her, no. And I would have heard if she was seeing someone after I started contacting, because her brother-in-law is my best friend. I even sent him a quick note before I did contact her just to make sure I wasn't entering a situation like that. He would have told me if she had, instead he wished me luck and said he had my back.
hurts2death Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 what i already said its patheticDude really???
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Yes lol it does matter. Thats ridiculous. What, she is just going to be like "Oh,well since you asked, yeah I want you back." HELL NO thats doesnt happen. If they want you back bad enough, they will get in contact with you and make NO BONES ABOUT IT. People arent robots as you put it, but its basic human nature. Life isnt a rom-com. The above statement is what you WANT to believe because you want deep down for your ex to come back. I've read your threads. You cant force ANYONE to feel the way you do. If you dont think thats true, go fly and surprise her like you are planning on doing. See how that works out. Actually that is working out. I decided not to surprise her but tell her upfront so she can prepare if needed, so not as planned as it always goes, but something good is already coming out of it 'If they want you back bad enough', really ? Because it is the legal right of the dumpee to expect the dumper to come back ? Just by going NC instead of for example adressing what according to the dumper were 'issues'? Seriously...
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