Do these things mean anything or am I over thinking?

[Emilieya]

I am still in love with my ex. It's been about 10 months we haven't been together anymore. We're not together anymore mostly because of trust issues. I was 100% faithful but we both have a hard time trusting people in general so it did make things harder. I tried many times to talk to him about getting back together but he always said things like "I always feel like i'm hurting you and I don't want to hurt you anymore" or "you'll find someone better who won't hurt you" at one point I was practically begging him to be together again and I felt so terrible because I know how guys don't like that desperation feeling... After that I decided to pretend like I moved on and didn't love him anymore because I didn't want him to feel pressure or to feel bad about anything. Since then I have noticed things that have made me wonder how he feels about me.... (It's kind of hard to tell because he's like me, not super lovey duvy type. Like he can come off cold sometimes. For example: in the past when we were just friends I was really into him but he didn't seem that interested in me. Like he would go days and weeks without texting me or if I would text him he would have nothing really to say or wouldn't carry on the conversation. I felt like he didn't love me but then one day we hung out and before I left he told me he loved me and I was really surprised because he did not show it...but he said it and I know he meant it.)

 

So here are some of the things that made me wonder if he still love me or not:

 

1) The last time we hung out he was kind of playing with my hands and he put his fingers inside my fingers like he was going to hold my hand (but then I kind of pulled my hand away because I had told him that I moved on so I didn't want him to feel that pressure again)

 

2) We had a friends with benefits relationship and he asked me 2 or 3 times if I slept with another guy. But the way he asked was like it was bothering him, like his tone of voice changed.

 

3) I woke up in the night and he was cuddling me

 

4) The next morning he brought me to the restaurant and he kept saying things like "you're going to really like the place i'm bringing you" and then after the meal I was talking about paying with my debit card and he never said anything but then the waitress said "you wanted it all on one bill right?" and he said yes and payed my meal

 

5) He was asking me a lot of questions about my future plans, career, jobs and projects I was working on

 

6) When I got home he texted me with his friends phone telling me that as soon as he gets his own phone that he would text me (which means he was planning on keeping contact with me)

 

7) We went about 2 months with no contact at all and then I got a phone call from him. (I was really surprised because in the past we would go long periods of time with no contact and he would never contact me unless I reached out first) He said that he was calling because he didn't want me to think that he didn't want to talk to me anymore and explained that he didn't get his cell phone yet. He was far away because he got a new job in a different area and was telling me about how well he is doing and all the improvements. I was at work so I had to go, he said he would call me back the next day but he never did. so then the day after that I called him and the person said they would let him know I called but he never called back. It's been about 5 days now and still no call.

 

Does all of this mean anything or am I just over thinking?

 

Thank you for all the help and advice

[theonlyjuan]

I've noticed this happens when the others life isn't as good as they thought it would be. An ex is something familiar to some people so they keep them around when it suits them. It can be a mix of being a bit possessive and not having anything better

 

Be careful and be prepared to be shut out as soon as another girl comes along in his life.

 

Maybe he just wants to be your friend but that only tends to last until they find someone else. Either a new girlfriend won't like him talking to you, or he will just forget about you. It sucks but that's what I see happen a lot, I even did it to an ex.

 

To be safe, I wouldn't read anything into it

[BC1980]

In general, you need to proceed as if it means nothing until he tells you otherwise. I've had many mixed signals fromy ex before I went NC. Mixed signals mean the person isn't reliable. Therefore, you keep moving forward because being unreliable is unacceptable in a relationship. My ex actually gave me a card in our anniversary after we had broken up. Just totally crazy sh$t when it comes down to it.

 

By the way, stop sleeping with him unless he gives you a commitment.

[Leegh]

I have been in love with an ex boyfriend that I have not seen for many, many months. It happens, and the best way to resolve it is to either get something going again with him or get closure. Since the holiday season will be upon us soon, perhaps if you don't hear anything from him soon, you could consider sending him an email wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas, and suggest getting together. See what happens, if you and he go out, that is great, but if not, then you can get closure. There is nothing more torturing than not knowing how someone feels. Good Luck

[Grumpybutfun]

Em:

When he says he is afraid he is hurting you, what does this mean? Did you complain, nag or act hurt over alot of things in the relationship?

Grumps

[Emilieya]

I have been in love with an ex boyfriend that I have not seen for many, many months. It happens, and the best way to resolve it is to either get something going again with him or get closure. Since the holiday season will be upon us soon, perhaps if you don't hear anything from him soon, you could consider sending him an email wishing him a Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas, and suggest getting together. See what happens, if you and he go out, that is great, but if not, then you can get closure. There is nothing more torturing than not knowing how someone feels. Good Luck

 

Thank you so much for taking your time to help me. It really means a lot Great advice!

 

Thanks again and take care God bless you

[Emilieya]

Em:

When he says he is afraid he is hurting you, what does this mean? Did you complain, nag or act hurt over alot of things in the relationship?

Grumps

 

Well like in the past when we were trying to work things out he was talking to other girls and planning on meeting them. He also slept with another girl around that time. It was hurting me bad because I was always wondering like how many others do I not know about or like what is he doing now and it made everything so hard when I wasn't with him because I was always stressed about what was going on. At first I kinda let it go and acted like it didn't bother me but then later on I brought it up often and always said things like "I don't want to get hurt again" or "You hurt me so bad how do I know you won't do it again" ...But since then I let that go and I forgive him for that. I feel like I am a new person and that I can start new with him and I tried explaining that but he just doesn't want anything to do with it.

[Emilieya]

I'm still in love with my ex. We broke up mostly because of trust issues. We both have a hard time trusting people in general. It's hard to tell what he feels because he is kind of a cold person like how I am. Like for example in the past when we were just friends I was really into him and I thought he wasn't into me because we would go days or even weeks without texting me and if I texted him first he wouldn't really have much to say like he wouldn't continue the conversation. But then one day we hung out and before I left he told me he loved me. He didn't show it but he said it so I know he meant it.

 

I tried talking to him about getting back together a few times but he always said things like "No I can't because I always felt like I was hurting you" or "you'll find someone better who won't hurt you" or "I don't want to hurt you anymore." I tried to explain he's not hurting me but he still said no.

 

A few months after that I wanted to continue to have the friends with benefits relationship with him. So we hung out and he asked me a few times if I slept with another guy, but the way he was asking was like it was bothering him or that it was concerning him. Like his tone of voice changed. I'm not really sure what to think about this...Does it mean he still has feelings for me? Also sometimes he would touch my hand or like put his fingers in my fingers. He already told me he didn't want to be with me but does he still love me?

[Assasda]

No he doesnt love you.

He's insecure and you'll end up leaving him anyway

 

For some reason, I think you're the one who left him, or you found some other guy