Bandito Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) so all this week i couldn't stop looking at all the text notifications my ex sent me earlier. i couldn't resist to read what so had to say. so i read it and this is a summary of what she said -after all the negative things you've just said to me, now i don't want it. -you're a good person, but not to me. i'm not blaming you for the breakup. -i didn't leave you to be with another guy, i want to be alone, and focus on my own life. -if you really love me like you say you do, you'd be happy for me. -i loved you, but fell out of love quickly, i have no attachment anymore. -i wish you happiness too, and you will find another girl who will love you the way i cannot. -please understand why i can't get back with you because my heart isn't there anymore. -i appreciate what we had, because it was a lesson for both of us. i promise you'll find love again, with someone else. -unfortunately, i can't have you in my life anymore. -this will be my final words and goodbye. but i'd appreciate if you would give me your final statement. so, i'm feeling the pain now, yet its bittersweet. so what should i do, should i tell her goodbye and write a farewell letter?? i planned just writing, and sending it. i wanted to tell her sorry i couldn't be the one for you. that i'm thankful to have had a relationship, and to wish her the best.... Edited October 25, 2013 by Bandito
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 so all this week i couldn't stop looking at all the text notifications my ex sent me earlier. i couldn't resist to read what so had to say. so i read it and this is a summary of what she said -after all the negative things you've just said to me, now i don't want it. -you're a good person, but not to me. i'm not blaming you for the breakup. -i didn't leave you to be with another guy, i want to be alone, and focus on my own life. -if you really love me like you say you do, you'd be happy for me. -i loved you, but fell out of love quickly, i have no attachment anymore. -i wish you happiness too, and you will find another girl who will love you the way i cannot. -please understand why i can't get back with you because my heart isn't there anymore. -i appreciate what we had, because it was a lesson for both of us. i promise you'll find love again, with someone else. -unfortunately, i can't have you in my life anymore. -this will be my final words and goodbye. but i'd appreciate if you would give me your final statement. so, i'm feeling the pain now, yet its bittersweet. so what should i do, should i tell her goodbye and write a farewell letter?? i planned just writing, and sending it. i wanted to tell her sorry i couldn't be the one for you. that i'm thankful to have had a relationship, and to wish her the best.... NO NO GOD NO. A letter is such a terrible decision to send to an ex, especially in this situation. She made it pretty clear what she wants, so WHY send her anything? What good will ANY of that do? What happened sucked....but just take it as a lesson, start back at square one and go no contact. Heal from this. 2
JDPT Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 As they say "she told you..."Don't bother she sounds so condecending "it's ok little boy, you will be ok, it'll be ok" screw that you are a man, move along and delete, have some pride. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Do not send a letter to her. If you want to write one for your own peace of mind that's fine, but do not send it to her. 2
Author Bandito Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Do not send a letter to her. If you want to write one for your own peace of mind that's fine, but do not send it to her. That's exactly what I want, a piece of mind. I wrote it out already. But she did take the time to write her mind, I think it would be courteous to return the favor.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 That's exactly what I want, a piece of mind. I wrote it out already. But she did take the time to write her mind, I think it would be courteous to return the favor. She doesn't care. And you need to stop trying to kiss up and be courteous. It's time for you to stop cowtowing to her and stop communicating. She unloaded on you to relieve her guilt -- don't respond and allow her to feel good about it. 2
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Courteous? Who are you, Martha Stewart? For Christs sake, man.... this is about letting the F* go and saving your sanity and putting a tourniquet on your bleeding. For craps sake, hasnt she dickked you around enough? 1
JDPT Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 That's exactly what I want, a piece of mind. I wrote it out already. But she did take the time to write her mind, I think it would be courteous to return the favor. You just don't get it huh?Man up!!!!! 1
Sparkle304 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Ha! Being courteous = you hope she'll get back together with you. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Ha! Being courteous = you hope she'll get back together with you. Exactly. It's transparent as hell.
Ireallydontknow Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 She didn't send that letter for you, you know this right? It was for her. Do you want to be courteous to that? P.S. She probably did leave you for another guy.
Never Again Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Even if there is no ulterior motive in sending a letter, which there is, it will not help. She treated you poorly. She jerked you around and is trying to make herself feel like a good person. Most ex's do this - even if they acted like asshats, they don't want to think of themselves that way, so they give false apologies and rationalizations that are simply full of sh*t. She does not deserve your consideration. She chose to fall out of love (yes, sometimes it just happens, but more often than not you feel it coming and can choose to do something about it. She decided that you weren't worth the effort), she choose to treat you like crap, and she chose to be a b*tch. Just cut the cord now.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Even if there is no ulterior motive in sending a letter, which there is, it will not help. She treated you poorly. She jerked you around and is trying to make herself feel like a good person. Most ex's do this - even if they acted like asshats, they don't want to think of themselves that way, so they give false apologies and rationalizations that are simply full of sh*t. She does not deserve your consideration. She chose to fall out of love (yes, sometimes it just happens, but more often than not you feel it coming and can choose to do something about it. She decided that you weren't worth the effort), she choose to treat you like crap, and she chose to be a b*tch. Just cut the cord now. A lot of the same answers to your question. With so many people (including myself) telling you the same thing, its probably time you start listening and start healing. The sooner this happens, the better you'll feel.
Author Bandito Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Well here's the thing. When we spoke a couple of days ago I told her off. Said "everyone was right about you, you're a f*cking bitch. you'll never find happiness. your just gonna end up getting cheated on or getting dumped because you're a horrible person. you push all the good ppl out of your life. I bet you're gonna marry an d*ckhead who's gonna knock you up and beat you like your ex's did in the past. you don't know how to love. I don't find you attractive anymore btw." so I kinda feel guilty because she didn't fight back. I could tell I hurt her.
ponchsox Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Well here's the thing. When we spoke a couple of days ago I told her off. Said "everyone was right about you, you're a f*cking bitch. you'll never find happiness. your just gonna end up getting cheated on or getting dumped because you're a horrible person. you push all the good ppl out of your life. I bet you're gonna marry an d*ckhead who's gonna knock you up and beat you like your ex's did in the past. you don't know how to love. I don't find you attractive anymore btw." so I kinda feel guilty because she didn't fight back. I could tell I hurt her. I did the same thing to my ex. She she dumped me she didn't show any emotion. I texted her some things below the belt and I got her upset. I wanted her to hurt like I was. After we broke up, she told me she wanted to be friends and I was a good guy, yada yada. Then after I told her the truth about how I felt, she ignored me. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Well here's the thing. When we spoke a couple of days ago I told her off. Said "everyone was right about you, you're a f*cking bitch. you'll never find happiness. your just gonna end up getting cheated on or getting dumped because you're a horrible person. you push all the good ppl out of your life. I bet you're gonna marry an d*ckhead who's gonna knock you up and beat you like your ex's did in the past. you don't know how to love. I don't find you attractive anymore btw." so I kinda feel guilty because she didn't fight back. I could tell I hurt her. None of that matters. You are going around in circles. Again, a letter-talking to her-whatever doesn't matrer. she is probably saying those things to put blame on you to make herself feel better. It means nothing. the only thing that matters is you.
Ireallydontknow Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Well here's the thing. When we spoke a couple of days ago I told her off. Said "everyone was right about you, you're a f*cking bitch. you'll never find happiness. your just gonna end up getting cheated on or getting dumped because you're a horrible person. you push all the good ppl out of your life. I bet you're gonna marry an d*ckhead who's gonna knock you up and beat you like your ex's did in the past. you don't know how to love. I don't find you attractive anymore btw." so I kinda feel guilty because she didn't fight back. I could tell I hurt her. You probably based this off knowing her. It probably IS true to a degree. It's natural to want to hurt those who hurt us. Gawd, I have dreams of telling my ex off because I didn't go off on her. I wanted her to stick around and I've been a jerk before in break ups, it's not mature. Just NC and move on, a letter isn't going to do anything. Are you afraid she wont take you back now ?
JDPT Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Bandito- do you plan on devoting your life to apologizing to someone who has made it clear countless times that she does not even see you as a "friend"?What will it take? You known this will only escalate. Would you like to be served with a restraining order? What will it take? I highly suggest at this point professional assistance. You have not as yet internalize any of the sound advice rendered here. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Well here's the thing. When we spoke a couple of days ago I told her off. Said "everyone was right about you, you're a f*cking bitch. you'll never find happiness. your just gonna end up getting cheated on or getting dumped because you're a horrible person. you push all the good ppl out of your life. I bet you're gonna marry an d*ckhead who's gonna knock you up and beat you like your ex's did in the past. you don't know how to love. I don't find you attractive anymore btw." so I kinda feel guilty because she didn't fight back. I could tell I hurt her. You love to come up with irrelevant anecdotes to avoid doing what you should be doing.
BC1980 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Damn. She actually requested your formal goodbye. That's so arrogant. Do not send her anything.
Author Bandito Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Should I be feeling guilty? I feel everything was my fault, and it sucks!!
JDPT Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Should I be feeling guilty? I feel everything was my fault, and it sucks!! It takes two to make a relationship wonderful or a nightmare. There is no need to feel guilty about anything. Take your 50% share in this and learn from it. And please don't send her anything, had to throw it in there.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Should I be feeling guilty? I feel everything was my fault, and it sucks!! That's because you have no backbone or self-respect and you have your ex on a pedestal even though she treats you like crap. If you should feel guilty about anything, it's not loving yourself the way you should. If you liked yourself, then you wouldn't have allowed yourself to be treated like a dog by this woman. 1
Author Bandito Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 so i want to defend myself from what some of the things my ex told me. when she told me she left because i didn't give 100%. we were both at a stage of our relationship, where we faced a period of adjustment. i couldn't give my all because it was rocky. but since we were apart, i've accepted change and was willing to grow. i wanted to keep moving forward, look through the windshield and not through the rear view mirror.
TylerDurdenn Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Well here's the thing. When we spoke a couple of days ago I told her off. Said "everyone was right about you, you're a f*cking bitch. you'll never find happiness. your just gonna end up getting cheated on or getting dumped because you're a horrible person. you push all the good ppl out of your life. I bet you're gonna marry an d*ckhead who's gonna knock you up and beat you like your ex's did in the past. you don't know how to love. I don't find you attractive anymore btw." so I kinda feel guilty because she didn't fight back. I could tell I hurt her. Let me guess, you think you're the good guy? If you do, you're wrong.
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