AmazonUSA Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 I met a guy when I was still seeing someone else. We hit it off right away and he definitely made it known that he was interested, but at the time I told him I was taken and that was that. I don't believe in cheating. So anyway, my then BF and I broke up and a month later I run into the other guy again. This time I was available and we started hanging out; mostly with our common friends for happy hour but a few one-on-dates etc. He was honest and told me that he was still living with his wife but that the marriage had been over for 10 yrs - he stayed for the kids. So I immediately put the breaks on and told him I wasn't comfortable with seeing a guy that was still living with his wife, emotionally divorced or not. So he says, well I need to get off the pot then and find my own place, right? I had told him that I never would ask for anything he wasn't ready to give but he also knew that I was pretty crazy about him. Well, he did find himself a place and moved out. After two months of dating he finally spent the night with me. It was really nice. But I'm still confused about his feelings for me - he never, ever says anything about anything. Not verbally anyway. He holds me in his arms really close when we're cuddling on the couch and just watching a movie. I get intense eye contact (like he's probing my brain sometimes lol) and OMG does he ever love to kiss me for hours. He had himself all wrapped around me when he spent the night, and that was all night..not just after the "deed". He did tell me that he missed me during the two weeks that I had the breaks on and that he thinks about me all the time. But as far as talking about his feelings for me, nothing. He tells me that he likes it when I tell him that I love the way he kisses, holds or touches me....but I never hear anything like that from him.. Well, he WILL say, "YOU are soooo HOT!" Not very romantic 'ey? lol I'd prefer to hear that I look nice/great/pretty...any damn thing lol I don't really want to have "the talk" just yet. I mean, it's only been two months. My girlfriends tell me to just let it be and enjoy our time together or I would scare him off. Apparently his soon-to-be ex-wife really did a number on him emotionally and my gf seem to think that he is only protecting himself because he doesn't want to get hurt again. I can tell he really likes me and every time we make a date he's there with bells on and obviously happy to see me. We don't call each other much during the week since we are both pretty busy, but we will email back and forth during the work day. He will call me when I send him a text message on his cell, but he won't initiate the first call unless I just don't contact him at all for a few days. That kinda bugs me a little. What shall I do? Just keep dating him, hanging out and having fun like we are now or eventually bring up the relationship talk? I think I'm really starting to fall for this guy but I don't want to jinx it either.... any advice for me?
alphamale Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 Originally posted by AmazonUSA What shall I do? Just keep dating him, hanging out and having fun like we are now or eventually bring up the relationship talk? I think I'm really starting to fall for this guy but I don't want to jinx it either.... any advice for me? what relationship talk? this guy is still MARRIED. hello?!? you are asking for trouble with this one. has he told you yet how nasty, mean and selfish his wife is??? have you been able to confirm most of what he has told you with your own eyes and ears?
Author AmazonUSA Posted December 11, 2004 Author Posted December 11, 2004 No he hasn't said anything bad about his ex at all. We briefly talked about him staying for so long for the children but that was it. I figured if and when he was/is ready to talk about it, then he will. And yes, I know technically he is still married, but he DID move out and there is NO chance of him going back....
Pocky Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 I'd just go with the flow and hold your emotions in check. Before you even consider having the relationship talk you need to ascertain when he plans on divorcing his wife. You shouldn't enter a serious relationship with him until the divorce papers are final, IMHO.
startingover1028 Posted December 11, 2004 Posted December 11, 2004 I say you need to find out where this is headed before you jump in with both feet and end up terribly hurt, which is what will happen if you find out that what he wants and what you want are two different things. Just have an "I need to define a few things" conversation. I don't think you will scare anyone off by asking where the relationship might be heading. Just explain that you're at a point where you think the relationship needs defining.... i.e. is this fun and games or do we want to take this to another level (emotionally)?, where do you see this heading? I don't see anything wrong with telling him that you want to clarify some things before the relationship gets more intense. Tell him you realize that there are no future guarantees but that you want to know if the two of you are "on the same page" before you continue to open yourself up to him. Let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.
Author AmazonUSA Posted December 11, 2004 Author Posted December 11, 2004 Well, I know that I have feelings for him and I'm just really hesitant to let them go at this point. The walls are definitely still up because I can sense that maybe he's perfectly ok with just hanging out and having fun but nothing too serious for right now (I know, a run-on sentence blah! lol) What confuses me sometimes is that when we meet up, we can sit and chat about work, our friends (we met through mutual friends), politics and religion and all sorts of topics - without any kind of touching, flirting or anything physical at all. Then he'll have a beer or two and all of a sudden he can be all over me! It's like he's Jekyll and Hyde! I am always trying to gauge if I should kiss him hello or give him a friendly thump on the shoulder, like, "Hey buddy! How's it going??" lol So most of the time I just kind of kick back, go with the flow and see what's up with him that particular day. I'm really not into applying relationship "pressure" on dates. If I get the feeling that someone is truly not into me or I'm just a "thang" or a booty-call, I WILL end it fairly quickly and be POOF...gone. I just can't read this guy all that well sometimes, hence the confusion.... sigh
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