sarbunoemi Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 What do you think , as a dumpee, to block the dumper on fb? I have blocked him about a few days ago because I have felt that I will not get over him and I feel like I am being used when he contacts me out of the blue just to say "Hi" because he saw me on Tv or somewhere. The first day, I felt I did a good job because I feel like I need to push myself to not get my hopes high in case if he contacts me. He break up with me all of a sudden, we were on a trip in the mountains and he suddenly started to act very weird and then the line "Let's be friends" came out of his mouth. Then he started explaining that he lost interest in me and we should be friends. I was shocked but I then said "Ok, as you wish". Then he stated that this it's not just his decision, it's mine too. I told him : "If you want to be friends, then let's be friends then. I can't force anybody to love me because they aren't chained or something". I appreciated his honesty because he also stated that he was thinking about this for like 1-2 weeks. And then, I asked him: "Can we remain friends then?" He said: "Yes." And then I asked him: "What were the traits you didn't like about me?" He replied: "I don't want to tell you. You need to change very much to be my ideal. I can't accept you. Find somebody who can accept you the way you are." Then, I remained calm and replied "Ok." I was going to cry, but I didn't let it. It was pointless in my opinion. I smiled all along. He stated: "As we become friends, you should not kiss my mouth nor do lovey dovey gestures, just friendly hugs or a friendly kiss on a cheek." The whole break-up scene was about a few minutes long. His father took us home and when we parted, he probably wanted a last hug, but i didn't hug him. I acted all happy and all to not show any of "sad" face around there. I didn't realized the mistake I did, by remaining friends with him. gone to NC right after that, been analyzing my behavior all along and came to the conclusion that because of my insecurities, sometimes clinginess behavior pushed him away. I started to work on those and promised myself not to cry because of him. I read a lot and that day I gone out shopping with my mother to change my style a bit. After 2 days of NC, he contacted me on Fb that he is meeting up with his buddies. I said "Ok" with indifference. After 1 month of NC I thought maybe I didn't give him enough love and contacted him saying "Wanna hang out today?" (biggest mistake ever) NC again for like 2 weeks. Contacted him again asking" Hi. what's up?" He was kinda annoyed, so I didn't contacted him for 1 month. After 1 month of NC, he contacted me saying his girl friend saw me in this christian camp I attended. I wasn't surprised, I told him how good it felt that I went there and even told him how happy I was in the holiday. He felt kinda sad telling me he didn't sleep because he had to study and all. I was kinda empathetic with him . But then, NC again for 1 month. He contacted me again that he saw me in the TV. I was annoyed that he was interested what was I doing. I was indeed happy, hoping that I might get back with him if I improve myself. But after I read some posts about the typical "dumper psychology: dumpers contact dumpees to check if they are in control" it made me a little confused. Thought to use it. I replied to him in an indifferent way which made him kinda upset. It made me clear that he was upset because I didn't told him about my life. Then the next day I pushed myself to "Move on" and " to not get bothered again" and blocked him on FB. He is a nice guy, understandable,quiet and thoughtful, though It hurts like hell when somebody special to you tells you "Go find somebody else who can accept you." We were together for 5 months, wasn't much, but it was my first love and we were a bit intimate physically too. I wanted to change for him but in the end I just couldn't keep the pace. And now I realized that I must change for myself not for others. The hardest decision to do - stop being a people pleaser and all...even now, most of the time, I am wondering if I have hurt him by blocking him on facebook. What do you think: "Is it healthy, as a dumpee, to block the dumper on Fb?" Some say it's childish, others say it's rude and you act as a weak person.
NoLeafClover Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 ok..um Why do I feel like you guys are in middle school?
Author sarbunoemi Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I am in 12th grade and he is in college.
Janni Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 From my own experience, I believe it's healthy. It gave me some peace and let me stop worrying what I might see or that he might contact me.
headinthecloud Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 It's not childish. You go NC so that you can heal. The other person is no longer part of your life. You cannot be friends with an ex - this is an anomaly. Block him and don't speak with him again no matter how nice he is. He had his chance to be part of your life but you're not compatible...it happens. There will be more heart break in the future and always go NC right away. 4
JourneyLady Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 You could put him on a "restricted" list on FB. I have an ex who keeps contacting me in this way, acting like he's about to say something significant and then not following through, and it's frustrating. I finally put him on restricted because... If I unfriend him, he will contact me to ask me why. If I put him on restricted, he can't see stuff about my life (unless he asks someone else) and will see only my public posts. Then do public posts every so often about insignificant things that aren't personal to you (like quotes about something other than relationship, etc.) He'll just think you aren't posting much, but are still around and more likely (though not guaranteed) to leave you alone. It's working for me so far. You can also route his messages to "other", I think. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Here we go again. OP - Please just search for FB on this forum and read till your eyes bleed... 2
Sugarkane Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Blocking them isn't immature, when they don't care and don't want you in their life. 2
Ireallydontknow Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 You could put him on a "restricted" list on FB. I have an ex who keeps contacting me in this way, acting like he's about to say something significant and then not following through, and it's frustrating. I finally put him on restricted because... If I unfriend him, he will contact me to ask me why. If I put him on restricted, he can't see stuff about my life (unless he asks someone else) and will see only my public posts. Then do public posts every so often about insignificant things that aren't personal to you (like quotes about something other than relationship, etc.) He'll just think you aren't posting much, but are still around and more likely (though not guaranteed) to leave you alone. It's working for me so far. You can also route his messages to "other", I think. To be blunt this is dumb. Just block them. Also to OP block him. Who cares? If it's rude or not, you don't need to keep appearances up for him anymore. You aren't "ideal" remember? 3
LuvsTrucks2 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Not only is it healthy, but it's the way to go.
KCCK Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 ur ex doesnt want you in their life, so there is nothing wrong in blocking and deleting them.. you will never be able to heal and move on if you keep on checking after him on social media... just delete, block and focus on yourself... 2
Fufu Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 From my personal experience, I HEALED because I blocked my ex in facebook for 3 years. I unblocked him now when I really don't give a hack about him anymore (meaning: I don't care/miss him anymore) 1
JourneyLady Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 To be blunt this is dumb. Just block them. Also to OP block him. Who cares? If it's rude or not, you don't need to keep appearances up for him anymore. You aren't "ideal" remember? Because we have several mutual friends who will feel awkward if he and I aren't friends to some extent, and will unfriend me in order to avoid that awkwardness (his relatives). It's not dumb if it works the way I want it to. This couple has been a major source of emotional support (and vice versa) in other areas and I want to keep *that* relationship going. It works for me. He doesn't see anything personal, and I don't have to suffer the consequences of losing touch with people I very much care about. Do you often tell people they are being dumb just for doing things different than you?
reddragon588 Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 There is no situation in which blocking or at least deleting isn't the best course of action. 1
BottleofHope Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 I think you should just unfriend him, it already gives you space. It still looks mature because you are 'not friends' but blocking seems more of a serious situation when you don't want him to contact at all, stalker and etc. It seems more reasonable to me to unfriend. 1
Riou Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 If your dumper is active on facebook then he/she is surely not living life.Only people who are unhappy seek assurance on facebook.
Syn Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 It depends on how much self-control you have. I blocked my ex because otherwise I'd be looking at his profile, seeing if he has any new photos up, any new public information, etc. But this doesn't always work because you can just make a new profile and look at that stuff anyway. But blocking him makes it that much harder for me to contact him and I don't have to see worry about stumbling across any upsetting Facebook goings-ons. Also... who cares if it looks mature? I did it for my own benefit. I don't care what the ex thinks at this point because I did it for my own healing.
Chi townD Posted November 8, 2013 Posted November 8, 2013 Is it healthy to block the dumper on fb? For you and your healing? ABSOLUTELY! 1
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