K Os Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Anyone who is familiar with my tale will understand this post. For those that don't, in brief - married 15 years, one son, wife dropped the bomb June 2011 and moved out July 2012. She was adamant she wanted a divorce, but would wait for 2 years so she could ask for it on the grounds of 2 years' separation. She moved 3 doors along the street. We've had no face-to-face contact since then, communicating only by email and text (at my insistence). I've been operating as close to NC as is possible with a child and a joint mortgage. Our son splits his time between us evenly. A couple of days ago she emailed to ask if I could look after him for all of January and February because she will probably be having a medical treatment that will require a long recovery period. She didn't give details but said it isn't life-threatening. I said yes, of course I will have him, and just said that I hope she would deal with it fine and make a full recovery. I was as civil as ever. In reply she wrote that she didn't know if this treatment would be necessary anyway, and she was hoping that her current treatment would do the trick and she wouldn't need the more serious one. This was a bit surprising because in her first email she said it was 'most likely' that she would go to hospital in January. She is quite a hypochondriac, though - loves hospitals and anything medical. Here's the stinger - this morning I was checking my emails and checked a mail box I hardly ever use any more. Sitting in there was an email from her earlier this week, sent before the one about the medical stuff. It just reads, 'What are your plans?' She has deliberately aimed that at a different mailbox from the one I use daily. In fact I hadn't checked it for a couple of months. Does this suggest she would like to open a 'back channel' to talk about our alleged relationship? I am busy moving on and don't want to get dragged into that. If she is divorcing me I am waiting for the papers. Is this a case of LC working to make her curious about me? Oh no.....
road Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Anyone who is familiar with my tale will understand this post. For those that don't, in brief - married 15 years, one son, wife dropped the bomb June 2011 and moved out July 2012. She was adamant she wanted a divorce, but would wait for 2 years so she could ask for it on the grounds of 2 years' separation. She moved 3 doors along the street. We've had no face-to-face contact since then, communicating only by email and text (at my insistence). I've been operating as close to NC as is possible with a child and a joint mortgage. Our son splits his time between us evenly. A couple of days ago she emailed to ask if I could look after him for all of January and February because she will probably be having a medical treatment that will require a long recovery period. She didn't give details but said it isn't life-threatening. I said yes, of course I will have him, and just said that I hope she would deal with it fine and make a full recovery. I was as civil as ever. In reply she wrote that she didn't know if this treatment would be necessary anyway, and she was hoping that her current treatment would do the trick and she wouldn't need the more serious one. This was a bit surprising because in her first email she said it was 'most likely' that she would go to hospital in January. She is quite a hypochondriac, though - loves hospitals and anything medical. Here's the stinger - this morning I was checking my emails and checked a mail box I hardly ever use any more. Sitting in there was an email from her earlier this week, sent before the one about the medical stuff. It just reads, 'What are your plans?' She has deliberately aimed that at a different mailbox from the one I use daily. In fact I hadn't checked it for a couple of months. Does this suggest she would like to open a 'back channel' to talk about our alleged relationship? I am busy moving on and don't want to get dragged into that. If she is divorcing me I am waiting for the papers. Is this a case of LC working to make her curious about me? Oh no..... No. She had a brain freeze and used the wrong email address. 1
road Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 No. She had a brain freeze and used the wrong email address. And if you wanted to save your marriage letting your WW move out free to date other men is not the way to do it. Then wait two years to divorce you so she can use false reasons to file. The questions is do you need to ask yourself is do you want to stay married and why are you being a doormat instead of fighting.?
Author K Os Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 thanks for the input, road, even if it is way off beam. She had a brain freeze and used the wrong email address. Highly improbable. why are you being a doormat instead of fighting.? You have come late to this story and I'm afraid I am laughing at this Fair enough, the back story is quite extensive. Thanks anyway.
nbman Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 If she is trying to open a "back channell" are you open to discussing reconcilliation with her? That is the only question that really matters. What do you want? You seem to be interested in moving on, yet you are waiting for her to send you D papers? Why not file yourself and make "your plans" crystal clear? 1
Author K Os Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 If she is trying to open a "back channell" are you open to discussing reconciliation with her? That is the only question that really matters. Yes, you're right, I see that's what has rattled me. I've reached a point where reconciliation is a really difficult idea for me. I'm not sure if this is a little prod to see if I'm done, or to see if I'm open to the idea. This is a very unexpected kind of message and it feels very unwelcome. Why not file yourself and make "your plans" crystal clear? Yep, I see the standard argument here. I'm clear on when and how I will file. I'm not going to give her that information. I suppose that's what she's fishing for.
nbman Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 That is great that you have a plan in place on how and when. It is so important to remember that this is YOUR choice to make. I can understand your reluctance to reconcilliation after all you have probably been through, and especially not wanting to confuse your son on the situation. So many things to consider, I am in a similar boat, and wish you luck, as I pray for strength myself.. 1
Author K Os Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 That is great that you have a plan in place on how and when. It is so important to remember that this is YOUR choice to make. I can understand your reluctance to reconcilliation after all you have probably been through, and especially not wanting to confuse your son on the situation. So many things to consider, I am in a similar boat, and wish you luck, as I pray for strength myself.. I suppose the truth is that if I wasn't prepared to consider reconciliation at all, in any circumstances whatsoever, until the the last syllable of recorded time, then this little email wouldn't bother me in the slightest. However, for me even to listen to the idea from her, it would take her crawling on her belly across a vast desert and crying for forgiveness, and then agreeing to my draconian terms before I would even deign to discuss it. Her asking "what are your plans?" falls quite a long way short of that degree of remorse. More strength to you, nbman. It's not easy.
nbman Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Thanks K! I cannot tell you how much I agree with your statement about the lengths it would take to reconcile. My nagging voice is that of my daughters who don't have a vote in what happens, yet will pat the ultimate price when the s%$ hits the fan... Good luck to you and keep us posted on how things go...
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