DannyCA Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Before I start I know there are plenty of fish in the sea and I can be even more happy with someone else than I ever was with my ex. After reading many posts here on LS, idk if I can completely give up on my ex (8 months since BU.) I really think by now I should be over her. While I haven't had any relationships in the last 8 months, I have been seeing other women, working out, picking up new hobbies, working 35 hours a week on top of being a full time student. But at what point do you draw the line between being too early in adolescence to know what love is and stumbling across your true love in adolescence? She gave up on me plain and simple, but after all this time I still can't give up on her. She still to this day means that damn much to me and honestly I haven't gone a day without thinking about her from the day of summer we started talking till this moment now 8 months after BU. Even when I am most distracted, she has a little bit of my attention. If I don't give it my all (which I haven't) how do I know I won't regret that 20 years from now when we're both in our early 40's? How do I balance giving it my all and giving her space? So my question is how long did it take you to get over an ex and is this normal to feel like this despite being busy and almost a year since BU? I don't want her to be the one that I felt like "if only I just tried just a little bit harder we would be happy together instead of with other people." I can't explain it, I just can't give up, I don't want to give up, she just means too much to me. Is that foolish of me? Any advice? Any similar experiences to share? Thanks! 3
Lost_Dragon Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 You are presently in a state of regret. Let go of her. If she loves you, she will return to you. If you take her back and get hurt again, that will be your own burden. I feel the same way about my ex. She broke my heart many times, but this last time she took it to a whole new level. It is OVER. I will not let her back. The door is locked. Sometimes the best way to go, is to go away. 5
Leegh Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I think you have not gotten closure yet. I think you should try one more time with her, and ask her out, and let the chips fall where they may. This way you will know that you have done all that you can do, and if she accepts, that's great, but if not then you can make peace with it. Yes, it is normal to still think about someone after eight months. It has taken me longer to get over relationships.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 How do I balance giving it my all and giving her space? You don't. Those are mutually exclusive goals. If she wants you back, you will know. Women make that sort of thing readily apparent. Conversely, if she doesn't want you back, you can't force it upon her. 2
ponchsox Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Before I start I know there are plenty of fish in the sea and I can be even more happy with someone else than I ever was with my ex. After reading many posts here on LS, idk if I can completely give up on my ex (8 months since BU.) I really think by now I should be over her. While I haven't had any relationships in the last 8 months, I have been seeing other women, working out, picking up new hobbies, working 35 hours a week on top of being a full time student. But at what point do you draw the line between being too early in adolescence to know what love is and stumbling across your true love in adolescence? She gave up on me plain and simple, but after all this time I still can't give up on her. She still to this day means that damn much to me and honestly I haven't gone a day without thinking about her from the day of summer we started talking till this moment now 8 months after BU. Even when I am most distracted, she has a little bit of my attention. If I don't give it my all (which I haven't) how do I know I won't regret that 20 years from now when we're both in our early 40's? How do I balance giving it my all and giving her space? So my question is how long did it take you to get over an ex and is this normal to feel like this despite being busy and almost a year since BU? I don't want her to be the one that I felt like "if only I just tried just a little bit harder we would be happy together instead of with other people." I can't explain it, I just can't give up, I don't want to give up, she just means too much to me. Is that foolish of me? Any advice? Any similar experiences to share? Thanks! You have to give up on something that isn't there. It takes two committed people to make a relationship work. When and if she wants you back, she will make it known. I would not wait around. Go NC and move on. 4
Author DannyCA Posted October 27, 2013 Author Posted October 27, 2013 Ponchsox - I have gone NC for a couple months now. I even went as far as deleting my FB and unfollowing her and her best friend on IG so I wouldn't have to see what they were up to. Leegh - I would like to give it one more go but it's hard to determine if it's been long enough. And the fact that we live 1,000 miles a part makes it hard to just ask her out to coffee. lost_dragon/mr scorpio - I understand just letting her go would probably be the best option for now. I can't just force something upon her. But I think people just give up on each other too easily. It's so easy to just say "well this isn't working" because in reality, there are so many people out there you can be compatible with. Someone asked me why I wanted to settle for this girl. I didn't see it as settling cause things were amazing and we loved each other, regardless of the distance. Even if I were the one to break up with her and find someone better, I would just be settling for this new one cause there would be someone better than her. I don't see it as settling, but rather knowing what I have/had in front on me. So is it just a matter of being the right time that you meet someone you love, regardless if you love this new person more or less than an ex?
Assasda Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Sometimes you never get of your ex. Never. You will think about her less, but sometimes you never get over them and they dont get over you. But you need to move on, and give yourself a chance to meet fantastic other girls, that deserve to meet you - that is how i look at it
Author DannyCA Posted October 28, 2013 Author Posted October 28, 2013 Sometimes you never get of your ex. Never. You will think about her less, but sometimes you never get over them and they dont get over you. But you need to move on, and give yourself a chance to meet fantastic other girls, that deserve to meet you - that is how i look at it I get what you are saying, it makes sense. It just seems so pointless though to fall in love with someone, and them to fall in love with you to only just throw it away in time. I guess it just sucks in my case because we had so much potential but we never got to reach it because of the distance.
AnnaAnna Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 I get what you are saying, it makes sense. It just seems so pointless though to fall in love with someone, and them to fall in love with you to only just throw it away in time. I guess it just sucks in my case because we had so much potential but we never got to reach it because of the distance. I understand what you're saying but you cannot hold on to somebody who doesn't want to stay. You are used to her and you don't want to imagine your life with anybody else but does she feel the same way? She has moved on already and so should you.
Reels Posted October 28, 2013 Posted October 28, 2013 She told that she is done of me when she had just no feelings left for me, and asked me to just "..can we break this relation right here, where we started from?" Still horrifies me to this days, even though it was over 1.1 year ago.
Author DannyCA Posted October 30, 2013 Author Posted October 30, 2013 She told that she is done of me when she had just no feelings left for me, and asked me to just "..can we break this relation right here, where we started from?" Still horrifies me to this days, even though it was over 1.1 year ago. What have you been doing for this past year to help you through it?
Reels Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) What have you been doing for this past year to help you through it? Nothing.. Just regretting, if i had ever made any mistakes.. But she was very very adamant now, probably biggest anti-me, in the sense that she could ignore me more than anyone else would. Used to think sometimes, that it would had been better if i had died before the day i got disappointed by her. Still care a lot about her.. Still unable to talk with any other girl, just thinks everyday that there will be a day, when i will go meet her, now or 2/5/10/30/50/60 years later, and she won't ignore. I read, write, about many things.. But they isolate me from enough people, because there's no one who i would discuss about any of it. Edited October 31, 2013 by Reels
Fufu Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 After my ex broke up with me, it took years for me to fully recover and one of the ultimatum I did was to block him on my facebook. I told myself I had no interest in finding out what is happening in his life. It was depressing and thousands of times I had the urge to unblock him, but I'm glad I was manage to kick that urge. How I knew I was finally done and had completely 0 feelings for him, I was able to unblock him and look at his facebook and doesn't feel any thing at all. It was definitely indifference.
todreaminblue Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 split yourself.......become two sided .......th eside of you that aches let it go for a while.....actually dont do anything is say ....just keep hope alive.....thats how you heal...because if you heal hope that si when you can let it go free...and move on..........d.eb
rainbowsheep Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I'm in exactly the same situation as OP. My relationship of 2 years ended 8 months ago and although I'm only in my early 20's my ex and I had planned to spend our lives together. When he ended the relationship it was a real shock and I am still not over it. None of my friends could understand why we broke up and I feel like I will never find someone as perfect for me as he was. I also blocked my ex and his best friend on fb so that I would not be tempted to look at his photos. But in the end I knew the only way to get closure would be to see his profile and his photos and to try and regain some friendship, as we have the same group of friends and will forever be bumping into each other. He was overjoyed that I had re-added him and we shared a few messages. Then he disappeared for weeks which led me to feel rejected and he has messaged me again but I refuse to look at it. He has confused me for 8 months now, telling me he loves me but that it's over and "too much has happened". But since it was not a clean break-up and he has hurt me more times than I can think about, I wonder if I'll ever get over it!
Recommended Posts