alex007 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 So If you guys want you can read my other posts. My GF of 4 months (it seemed like we were together for over a year), Broke up with me out of the blue. She was telling me a few days before she did this that she loved me and could see a future with me. Anyways. She dumped me after I tried very hard to make things work with her. I was very good to her and her family. She said she just did not feel like our relationship was right and that she wanted to focus more on school and she works a lot. So I thought that was somewhat understandable. I admit I was a bit controlling in a way and clingy (not a good combination). She is very independent and she likes to have space.. so much so I have always thought she prefers her girlfriends over me... which she has only been best friends with 2 of them for a little over a year from her work. She says her relationship has been better with her sisters because she is not spending all the free time she would have (which was little because of school and work) with me. She felt smothered and like the relationship was more of a burden on her then exciting and fun because we spent every day together. She said she does not want to date me or anyone for that matter right now she is just very focused on getting her career. She saw I was talking to my old ex again because I was upset new ex dumped me so I posted pix of old ex and me together on instagram. I started NC and she texted me "hey i would love to get together sometime when you are free and talk about work and everything!" I just kept ignoring her. She drunk dialed me at 2am two nights later and left me a v-mail since i was asleep talking about how she dumped me and that it is a lot harder on her then me, saying how mad she was at me but there was nothing she could do about it. I still did not contact her. Then four nights later I knew her dad was having a fundraiser dinner that a lot of people were going to so I just showed up because anyone was invited. She was shocked and mad I was there. She was sitting with her family and a random dude that was at the table and tried to flirt with him and act happy by him in front of me. We talked about things after the event and she told me this is why we broke up because we keep going around in circles. (I was explaining to her I was hurt because of her breaking up with me after all I have done for her, and she kept telling me how mad she was I ignored her for a week and was going crazy thinking I was having sex with another girl and doing all kinds of things. She even kept count of how many instagram pix she saw and how many I was posting because I deleted her from it. I kept telling her she shouldn't be mad she was the one who put everything in motion by breaking up with me). It is always like she thinks she is never in the wrong and I have done so much for her. She overlooks it all and she broke up with me because I was too clingy.... Basically she invited me everywhere and I would show up and do things with her and she would act bitchy and cold. And I my self almost broke up with her a few times because I did not feel wanted but I love the girl. We Have had a lot of good times. The next day she texted me when we were supposed to talk more (her idea) to tell me she is still fired up from the night before and It would be best not to talk today. I told her Its okay we can just talk some other time when she calms down and also texted her a lot telling her she just kicked me to the curb when I was great to her and she overlooked all the good and only looked at a few bad things that can be worked on and to text me or call me anytime and that I want to work on our relationship. She was short with all her messages. But did say she is sorry and she does appreciate all I have done for her and her family. But that she can not make a decision right now, she needs time. Any advice?
thompkevin Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Hey, It looks like you have a pretty solid chance of getting back together. She seems to be missing you tremendously and is confused whether or not she should get back. The best thing you can do is continue doing what you have been doing till now. (Read this guide for more detail). However, I will warn you that she still seems pretty unstable. She dumped you earlier instead of trying to resolve the issue you guys had. It seems she is in a stage in life where she doesn't want to put any effort in a relationship. So before getting back with her, you better make sure that she wants this relationship for sure and she will not bail on you without trying to work things out first. 1
mammasita Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 First of all she is 20 years old. Her friends will be more important than you until she grows up. I know we've all told you to LISTEN TO WHAT SHE IS TELLING YOU. She feels smothered, she needs space. She is 20 years old. I certainly didn't want to feel smothered and tied down at 20 years old. You admit that you are controlling and clingy and she is young, needs space, freedom and to live her life. The reality is that this combination of you and her will not work no matter how hard you try. Please do yourself a favor and let her go. I know its hard, I know it hurts - but you will be hurting yourself so much more by chasing her. 1
Author alex007 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Okay well I sent her a text saying something along the lines of "Hey I have been thinking about everything and I have come to realize I will never be perfect for you. And you have to realize you are not perfect and you should not always feel like everything should always be on your terms and have an ego/be prideful/stubborn. At the end of the day I feel like I was the only one who really wanted the relationship and was the only one trying. I respect your decision to break up with me and I think you should spend more time with your friends and date other people. I wish you luck on your next relationship and on everything else in your life and wish you nothing but success and happiness. She text back saying "Thank you. I appreciate the good text, I had a close friend pass away last night and it's been a rough day. It made me realize to really not take anything for granted. And I know you know the feeling and I am so sorry for that. I was planning to text you and just let you know I do appreciate you, even now"
ColdAlone Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 To be bold: I think that was a stupid move on your part, and she responded in kind. Okay well I sent her a text saying something along the lines of "Hey I have been thinking about everything and I have come to realize I will never be perfect for you. And you have to realize you are not perfect and you should not always feel like everything should always be on your terms and have an ego/be prideful/stubborn. At the end of the day I feel like I was the only one who really wanted the relationship and was the only one trying. I respect your decision to break up with me and I think you should spend more time with your friends and date other people. I wish you luck on your next relationship and on everything else in your life and wish you nothing but success and happiness. She text back saying "Thank you. I appreciate the good text, I had a close friend pass away last night and it's been a rough day. It made me realize to really not take anything for granted. And I know you know the feeling and I am so sorry for that. I was planning to text you and just let you know I do appreciate you, even now"
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 She broke up with you, be pissed off man! You don't owe her ANYTHING now. Go NC right away.
Author alex007 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 So some of you might know my story. Anyways, I drove to a bar that is close to my ex's house to scope it out to meet friends at any place that looked good... (mind you my ex gf just turned 20.... not 21....) and I roll into the parking lot and see her car parked there next to one of her best friends cars.... her friend just turned 21 two months ago mind you... 2 days before my gf broke up with me.... I was very shocked to see both of their cars there... now I put together that I was right when I told her it was weird that she broke up with me right when her friend came back and something seemed off. And she called me a few weeks after the break up at 2am. Now this is all making perfect sense. I know she is young but why break up with youre bf that you know would do almost anything for you and who has always been there for you to go party it up with best girlfriends who you have known for bairly over a year? Is that really more important? Is that such a better choice? Your thoughts on this please....
2fargone Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 The 'why' will hardly ever be answered, and even more unlikely to your satisfaction. It's probably not the reason. Don't look for it...
Author alex007 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 Alright thank you. I just wanted some peoples input/ advice.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 I don't think that's got anything to do with it, it's socializing. I don't know why people get so worried about that stuff. I thought you were going to say you found her with another guy you knew. If she broke up with you after four months she lost attraction to you. That's my guess.
Author alex007 Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 Moooinkbaa you are probibly right, but the funny thing is I am the one who setteled for her, also I told her a month into the relationship "I think we should date other people, you are still young and should go out and have fun with your friends and date other people" after she told me she wanted to go to some bar with her girlfriend, I told her that does not sound like something anyone in a relationship should do with their single friends/friends. And she told me nevermind she wanted me, and did not want to go out to bars with her feiends over that. Well here we are now... lol guess she changed her mind.
2fargone Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Moooinkbaa you are probibly right, but the funny thing is I am the one who setteled for her, also I told her a month into the relationship "I think we should date other people, you are still young and should go out and have fun with your friends and date other people" after she told me she wanted to go to some bar with her girlfriend, I told her that does not sound like something anyone in a relationship should do with their single friends/friends. And she told me nevermind she wanted me, and did not want to go out to bars with her feiends over that. Well here we are now... lol guess she changed her mind. So you tried to control her actions, and look what happened....
Jmk21 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Stage 5 clinger! Honestly expecting anything serious from anybody 18-25 is rediculious. the mindset just isnt there. Go nc bud. Work on yourself, become the most interesting man in the world. Outgoing/adventurous. Create your own social circle where people WANT to hang with you and most importantly add that to social media. It'll build so much confidence. One rule I never abided by was keeping girls as friends in a relationship, it always caused problems so I didn't have any in my last one. Befriend LOTS of girls and I mean lots and keep them, your percieved value goes way up to whoever your with just abide boundaries. Don't bang em but be friends with them. That way when your in this situation. Monkeybranch on their friends when your ready
Lizrd3000 Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Your situation is exactly like how mine was, I got my ex back. Just do your thing, move on, really just move on. once she contacts you and notices you've truly moved on (not faking) she will try and get you back. but then the question will be, do you want her? I also was clingy and insecure, but I changed that as I moved on. she was also very independant, and invited me to her house frequently and act cold. tip for when you do get back together, let her initiate, it'll give you the feeling of being wanted. and it'll make you less clingy/needy, and more attractive. don't hold your heart on your sleeve, control it, you're a man, not a kid! harsh words, but i've told these same words TO MYSELF. we're back together for a week now, met up twice for getting back together ''the talk'', and for lunch today. i think your ex was cold/bitchy because you were so clingy, same thing for me. i was with my ex for about 6 months, so we're close with that aswell. sorry if my post is mostly rambling, but I'm sure I can give you better tips or advice on what to do if you PM me, feel free!
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 This relationship is over & you can't ressurect it. You can learn some lessons from it: At a measely 4 months, it shouldn't be hard. If it's hard that early, it's not worth it. If someone is telling you that she is feeling smothered, back off.
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