Claysmommy Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I had posted a topic a few days ago, but I think it was too long-winded. So I'm hoping to get responses with this one(which is very condensed). I recently started talking to a co-worker that I knew was attracted to me. We've been talking now for almost a month. He has been very intense. Socially he is pretty withdrawn--as in, he talks to literally no one at work. He'll be polite, and socialize when necessary, and knows the names of most people and will make conversation. But in terms of actually really talking to people, he keeps to himself. But the catch is that he does talk to me. I knew he was shy from the getgo and kept to himself, so I figured our interactions would probably not progress that much. Boy was I wrong. From the morning I sit down at my desk, to when I leave in the afternoon he instant messages me all day. We have a variety of conversations. He comes to my desk to talk to me 3-4 times a day. We have lunch together, and we take our breaks together. He is constantly flirting with me. And he has invited me out three times so far. Last night he invited me out to meet his brother. He has revealed a lot of things to me about himself--matter of fact to the point where it's sheer brutal honesty. He's sort of an awkward guy. But he is very attractive--tall, very muscular, in shape, sort of nerd(I know interesting combo) and reserved and quiet. He's been in 3 other relationships. One in HS which lasted up to two years. Then he went to college and broke up with her so that he could live his life--at which college he really focused on his social life. He dated a cheerleader for a year, whom he said was crazy. Broke up with a cheerleader then got into a 4 year relationship. They broke up earlier in the summer. HE admitted the reason he broke up with her is because she wanted to settle and he wasn't ready and had bookoo commitment issues and just wanted to do "him". Understandable--he is a 26 year old guy. What makes it odd, is if he really is wanting to live the life of a bachelor and not get serious--why is he so freaking intense with me? I mean he showed me pictures of his family, wants me to meet his brother, tells me so many personal things, constantly wants to spend time with me. I'm lost... Someone please fill me in.
Author Claysmommy Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Also want to add, that we tell each other a lot of things(some things I imagine we dont discuss with other people), so it feels very open and like we can be ourselves. What's also weird about the situation is that I'm not his type. he hasn't said it, but he showed me a lot of facebook photos and I noticed that he's only dated athletic thin tan white women(brunettes). He is a black guy btw. I'm not white, I'm not thin, I do work-out regularly but my body resembles kim k/beyonce so I'm obviously a bit bigger than these women he has dated. That's what makes the situation even more odd. Maybe it's just me, but I've never dealt with or dated a guy that was so intense, revealed so much, and was honest early on. Every guy I've dated(or been in a relationship with) has been mysterious, off and on, and I felt like I had to pull teeth to get them to tell me about themselves. I, on the other hand, always reveal a lot, always open from the get go. So it is nice to be able to have someone I can be open with, and that is open with me. On the other hand I wonder if this is just a part of his thing(gets intense real quick then bouts out).
petall Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Google commitmentphobe traits. They always start out strong in pursuit and once they hook you, they start to withdraw and distance themselves. Not saying your guy is a commitmentphobe however. You need to observe him more and it will only come out gradually later on. Read up and see over time if he displays the other traits.
Author Claysmommy Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 Google commitmentphobe traits. They always start out strong in pursuit and once they hook you, they start to withdraw and distance themselves. Not saying your guy is a commitmentphobe however. You need to observe him more and it will only come out gradually later on. Read up and see over time if he displays the other traits. Thank you! I've already read up on it, so far he has not shown any signs but its still early on. The only strange thing is that he wanted me to meet his brother, the other day. And he showed me pics of his family, etc. Also his 3 relationships have all been long term(a year at least or longer). I don't know the dynamics of his last relationship enough to know why after 4 years together he no longer wanted to committ to her.
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