Recently broke up with my girlfriend. Did I do the right thing?

[mrronery]

First off, I just want to say in advance that I truly appreciate you all sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. I'm 27 years old and recently broke up with my girlfriend after a little over a year of dating. Before this, I have pretty much been living the bachelor life my whole life. I am a super outgoing individual who enjoys partying just a little more than I probably should. When me and my ex started dating I was extremely into her and even told her I loved her. I am aware that I probably have no idea what love really is at this point...

 

A couple of months ago I started losing these feelings. I had serious doubts about our relationship and if she was the right girl for me. She is a beautiful, sweet girl, and I really can't think of anything bad to say about her. However, for whatever reason I was having these thoughts of breaking up with her. I lost some attraction to her, and at times found myself extremely bored around her. There was a part of me that just wanted to be single. I don't know if I am ready to settle down. I wanted to just be on my own and do my own thing many times. I would contemplate the situation on a daily basis. We hung out a lot, but she did give me my space; however, I still couldn't be content with the relationship.

 

It's been about a week since I broke up with her and I really am trying to figure out what I want now that I have separated myself from her. I am scared that I made the wrong decision and that I just lost a great thing. I've only been in 1 long term (1 yearish which is long to me...) relationship before so this is all new to me. I am confused about these feelings of being "over it". Is this a feeling that I am going to feel with every girl. I am scared that I am misinterpreting my feelings. I know that I care about her so much, and it is really hard to picture her not in my life.

 

Please help! Thanks again!

Edited October 25, 2013 by mrronery

[ponchsox]

I believe that after a year, if your just not feeling it with someone, you have to move on for your sake and theirs. It's tough to walk away from the companionship you've had but in the long run, it will be worth it. Dating is the means to an end. You will find someone that you will always love being around and you can't live without.

[aybc123]

Sounds like you got GIGs, i think it pretty much happens to everyone in their first serious long term relationship (i.e. that gets past the honeymoon stage 3-12months). Think of it as the equivalent that cold feet used to be when people got married early.

 

Did you make a mistake? It depends only you will be able to answer that in time. It also depends what your goals are in life, do you want to spend it with someone, raise a family etc, or does that kind of thing not interest you?

 

From my own personal account I got GIGs after being with someone for 18months, same feelings you had, losing attraction, boredom, falling out of love maybe. The truth is we were both just super busy neglected the relationship and it suffered and instead of working through it i thought it meant the relationship was over and ended it. I also wasnt sure what i wanted at the time, did i want to marry this person and spend my life with them? am i too young for that? what if I'm missing out on someone who is going to make me feel fantastic all the time?

 

I think you have to go through it to mature and learn that actually, you aren't ever going to meet someone who is going to make you feel fantastic all of the time, you may or may not meet someone who is a better match but you probably wont know it. You also probably aren't missing out on the single life - this one is just my personal feeling, i used to feel exactly the same as you when i was 23-25, never wanted to settle down but the last year or so my opinions changed and I do want that now with the right person.

 

Anyway in the end i did end up regretting it massively, i did throw away a great relationship with a great girl, but doing that and realising it taught me a lot and i feel like i grew up a lot in terms of relationships, what i want, what's important etc so it wasn't all for nothing. I haven't found anything as good since, but I live in hope that I will and that having been through the GIGs i wont make the same mistake again (hopefully they wont either..).

 

Anyway good luck with your decision, it probably isn't too late to fix it if you do realise it was a mistake so dont let your pride get in the way of letting something great slip away.

[mrronery]

Thank you all. That was all very insightful. Have ever of you been in this experience and stuck it out only to see things get better (regain attraction, etc.)?

[Dinozzo925]

It looks like you did have GIGs (or a wave of disassociation) but it also looks like you're not really in a place to have a serious relationship yet. Even though you are 27 you probably have a lot of growing to do on your own. You may never be the type of person who wants to settle down...or you may just not be ready yet.

 

You made the right decision, and you'll probably be happier for it.

[Dinozzo925]

And to answer your question.

 

I've gotten the GIGs and stuck through it with a girl and it worked. One of these girls cheated on me with my best friend, the other is the one I'm dating now.

 

I've gotten the GIGs, broken up, gotten back together and it didn't work.

[ponchsox]

Thank you all. That was all very insightful. Have ever of you been in this experience and stuck it out only to see things get better (regain attraction, etc.)?

 

Looking back on my last relationship, I was about to end it several months after we started dating but decided to stick it out. She put me throught the ringer and I think she finally realized she wasn't being fair to me.

[Sweet108]

You're questioning your decision and missing her.

Why don't you work on improving yourself? If you broke up due to G.I.G.S. and not dishonesty, cheating, attraction to another person or abuse- chances are you can get back together if both want to!....but you will need to work on yourself. She will need to decide if she can trust you with her heart again- which she may or may not be willing to do.

No one is perfect, if you go chasing perfection you will never find it and will always be unhappy. Acceptance and nurturing the relationship are really important.

hope this helps, hang in there.

[Sweet108]

Oh and unless you work on this issue you, this same behavior can go on your whole life: thinking she's perfect realizing she is not, breaking up rinse and repeat. Not saying you have to take her back, but do spend time looking at your choices and exploring your feelings and your actions in relationships.