BbMinor7 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I have a good friend of three years that I had a little fight with. I had been feeling really stressed with life because of trying to find a new job, and getting rejected constantly. The other day, it kind of reached my breaking point with stress and I told my friend, whom I talk to every day, that I wanted some space that he and life were stressing me out and I would talk again in a couple days. Thing is, I didn't mean a word of it towards him. I didn't even feel frustrated when I sent the text. I'm an anxious person. I always have been, and being always anxious, my brain has been conditioned to find the wrong and anxiety in every situation even if it has to invent situations. I think that's what happened in this situation. I didn't feel frustrated, yet, subconsciously, I wanted to make drama because my brain thinks that's what should happen. He didn't respond to my text. I contacted him later in the day asking if he really wanted a few days off, and he said he was just honoring my wishes and didn't realize that he frustrated me so much. I told him, I didn't really mean it, so now he's confused. I did tell him something that's been on my mind, that I feel like while we chat all the time, it's empty chatting. He never speaks his feelings on our friendship. I tell him all the time how much I love his friendship and I honor that in gifts and words. At first, I told him I'm not looking for gifts, but I would love some feedback from him that he values me as a friend too. I never hear that from him. He messaged me saying he thought he needed a break and that I needed to find out what I wanted and that he was confused by my needs because they seemed to conflict. He continued saying, he talks to me so much but it never seems to be enough for me because it seems to only end in frustration for me. I'm just trying to make things right. How can I do that? I've sent him messages talking about what I've found out through thinking about this, but he's not answered any of them. I did have an epiphany, I should just have faith that he values my friendship and not require him to show off that he does. What should I do about this? I message him first 98% of the time, so I'm so afraid that he'll never talk to me again (or at least not for a long time), but I want to continue talking to him because he is my closest friend. Should I check back in a day or two asking if he would like to start talking again, or just leave that to him? I just don't want to chance it because I am terrified that it could mean the end of our friendship.
Tayla Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Some men just aren't into "talking" things out. Some are men of action. For this friend, maybe his action is to consume his life in activities that are cheerful or athletic. Most of my guy friends consider "texting" and "chatting" to be boring and rarely character building. I respect that. Maybe you can do a bit of introspection and see how the constant need to be "first" to text or initiate a conversation can come across as always leading the relation. Let him have the lead role .... Sometimes being quiet and allowing things to mellow out is settling to the friendship...which is a positive.
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Talk him on the phone! Texting is not the way to go when you want to have a 'talk' with someone about something serious or a real point you need to get across. It's just too easy for words to be taken the wrong way (and he did read into what you said and took it personally) and read the wrong way as well. Call him up, take him to lunch or for a beer, tell him your stresses in your life and that you are needing space from everybody, not just him and make sure he understands 100% that it has nothing to do with him, he's done nothing wrong.
OpheliaSong Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I felt suffocated by your post..this guy is just your friend? I feel sorry for your gf/bf...wow. Relax. You sound like a nutter.
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