blue963 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 When we regularly have contact and I haven't heard from in about 28 hours...should I send an email asking if everything is good....we were intimate and parted on good terms. This is driving me crazy as we have contact several times a day.
whichwayisup Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 When we regularly have contact and I haven't heard from in about 28 hours...should I send an email asking if everything is good....we were intimate and parted on good terms. This is driving me crazy as we have contact several times a day. 28 hours isn't that long. If it was a 3-4 days or maybe a week, then yes, email. Why wouldn't everything be okay? If something bad has happened, you'll hear about it soon enough. On a healthy level, sure it's great to hear from someone you love daily, but to have it drive you crazy, maybe withdrawal symptoms are happening? Tell yourself that everything is fine and he's just busy doing stuff. Distract yourself and put it out of your head otherwise you will drive yourself nuts.
bentleychic Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) I would have contacted way before now too make sure all was okay, but I expect contact in some form (talk and text during the week, at least text during the w/end or when he's home) daily and he knows that. It's non-negotiable. As little as we get/expect/demand as OW, I do not think daily contact is too much to ask and that's where I've always set my boundary. If you say you love me, you can at least take some time to contact me every day. Period. Edited October 24, 2013 by bentleychic 3
LilGirlandOW Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Is he going through anything stressful that you knw of at work or in his personal life? Shoot him a text, see what happens then worry, possibly something has come up or hPpened and his mind his pre occupied, men are strange that way sometimes. Next time you see each other express your anxiety to him about not hearing from him, although the line of communication should go both ways. It seems to me you are both guilty of the lack of communication over the past 28hrs. Are you not "allowed" to contact him first? <deal breaker for me, as I am a worrier. That being said I've felt the anxiety your expressing here and it's not fun, but since we have been in our R, we've never gone a day without at least a handful of texts checking in on each other. Communicate this with him. It's tough, but I try to keep busy, go on a hike or some other workout will take your mind off things.... But really you should shoot him a simple "everything ok" text at least
Author blue963 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I sent an email "hope you had a nice day." Just chatted for 12 whole minutes. He was busy on his day off working in his wood shop. (that is fine) but heck cant take five minutes to just say hello? I don't even monopolize his time. Makes me feel insignificant and disregarded. Times like these I wonder why I even put up with all of this stuff.
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I sent an email "hope you had a nice day." Just chatted for 12 whole minutes. He was busy on his day off working in his wood shop. (that is fine) but heck cant take five minutes to just say hello? I don't even monopolize his time. Makes me feel insignificant and disregarded. Times like these I wonder why I even put up with all of this stuff. It's part of the parcel if you want to continue with him. You aren't his first priority. I'm not saying that to be mean, it's just the reality of your situation. I'm sure it hurts to feel brushed off. Maybe you should take some time and think things through. Is what you're feeling now and will feel again (and again) worth it? Think long term too, not just day to day, week to week. In a year from now, where do you see yourself? Do you want kids of your own one day? He is thinking of leaving and divorcing his wife to be with you? If so, what is your time limit before you walk away? Ask yourself if this is what you want and for how long you're willing to ride the roller coaster. You love him and you want more than he's able to give you. And in time that desire will increase as the months and years go by. Don't be a sitting duck like some OW who wait years for their MM hoping and wishing one day they will be married to him. Of course it happens, but very few of them actually end up with him.
bentleychic Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I sent an email "hope you had a nice day." Just chatted for 12 whole minutes. He was busy on his day off working in his wood shop. (that is fine) but heck cant take five minutes to just say hello? I don't even monopolize his time. Makes me feel insignificant and disregarded. Times like these I wonder why I even put up with all of this stuff. There's no reason they can't take a few minutes to contact you. It's frustrating, for sure. Have you actually sat down and told him what you NEED from him? I mean, obviously there are some things that they won't do if they aren't planning to leave their wives or need to wait for whatever reason, but there are things that they CAN and SHOULD do if we need them to. (Whether that's contact, time, etc., etc.) Decide what you need, can deal with and if he can't/isn't willing to do it, decide if it's a deal breaker. That's my best suggestion for you. Good luck!
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