hopespringseternal Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Known each other 7 years. 2 year relationship. Broken up for 3 months. NC for last 6 weeks. I broke up with her originally over a fight and was fed up with all the fighting and sensing her pulling away(even though she said that was not what was happening). 2 weeks later I debased my dignity and myself by asking her to take me back(realizing I still had loved her and instead of breaking up with her should have tried to fix the problems before going that route). She told me she needed to think about it. Told her I understand and gave her space to decide. She took 2 weeks to think. And I guess cause of my original action she decided she was done and didn't want to do it anymore. She told me she wasnt in love with me anymore. But no more than a few weeks prior she told me otherwise(confusing). She said she felt we hadnt grown as a couple(I agree, but it was because both of us never grew as people). She asked me to be friends after she dropped this bomb on me cause we had been friends for 5 years prior to dating and didn't want to lose me in her life. Told her I would think about it. Then I found out later the day she ended it with me for good she went on a date with a guy she met briefly when we were together(I have it on good authority that she didn't know this guy other than by a brief introduction, so i know this wasn't happening before). 2 weeks after the final end and me finding out this info, I did what any sane person would do. I told her I cant be her friend and tried to end it on a high note. Told her I wished her the best and that I hope she finds happiness and that I cant be around while she sees a new guy so soon after. She told me they were friends and she wasn't dating, they were just hanging out as friends. Again I knew otherwise cause she had told people already how head over heels she was for the guy and it got back to me. That hurt like hell. I told myself it was just a rebound and that she would regret it down the road, tried to not care and move on. But the heart and mind are fickle things. So it all came pouring out from her about a week later. About how it was her pride that prevented her from taking me back and that she missed me and wanted me in her life so bad. But not as more than a friend for now. I said **** that. I don't want to be your backup plan. I gave you a chance and you spit on it and went out with another guy. So I told her we cant be friends. Didn't enjoy it ending that way. But ce la vie. But for the last month I've been alone working on myself. Done so many changes in my life that are positive. Ive done what one needs to do to move on(work out, new hobbies, reflect and grown emotionally and mentally, etc). But I still always think about her every down moment I have(even after purging everything about her from my house). I know time heals all wounds, and Ive been through breakups before. But not where the other person found someone so fast, replaced me, and dropped me like a bag of rocks. It makes you feel like a peice of ****. I know its my ego bruised. But the question remains. It seems so easy for her. I heard she is super happy with her new guy and that Im old news. She lies to people about how it ended to, that I'm the clingy ex. Which is completley not true. I started this process and also ended the friendship. But yet Im being portrayed as the crazy ex she had to get rid of. Seems unfair. I guess to get to the point. I want to move on. But knowing she has already moved on and is saying these things to people upsets me greatly. i do not bad mouth her or anything. How can someone be like this after a breakup? How does she find happiness with someone else so fast as well? And How can she go around and portray me in a bad light when i was nothing but civil, respected her wishes, and explained my reasons for the way I did things fluently to her?
Philosoraptor Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Good for you for standing up for yourself. She only came back as the new rebound guy didn't work out so she tried to run back somewhere safe. Understand that everyone moves on at their own pace, and those that bounce around are avoiding the necessary maturing and healing process needed after the conclusion of a LTR. She will throw you under the bus as she's more worried about external approval (another reason people rebound) versus acceptance and actual growth. Let her live in her fantasy land while you take the route of healing, growth, and maturation. On your end, cut all contact and stop checking up on her. Let any mutual friends know that you want to know nothing about her life. Continue to fill your time with other joys and friends/family. And stop looking for answers. Any information you get will just leave you with more questions and more confusion. The less you know the faster you will find peace and acceptance with the situation. 1
Author hopespringseternal Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 (edited) Philosoraptor thank you for the kind words. I have done most of that but even with positive reinforcement it is a struggle. I keep coming back to the same questions. I don't want to wonder. But it is hard not too after everything that has happened. Its two fold, I am growing from the experience, but part of me is still stuck in the past. WHat to do, what to do. I should clarify some things though. She never came back to me about getting back together. Just that she wanted me in her life. Which I don't know how I would have handled. Also secondly, she was still hanging out with the guy and has been seeing him for two months. They are dating I have confirmed that. Which irks me the most. I feel like i was worth nothing to her. She told me he doesnt play games(which was a shot at me, not sure what games I played) so she likes that and he is willing to wait for her too I hear(before NC). My problem is I don't think it is a rebound. I have a feeling knowing her that even if its a rebound right now she will try to make it real. Which sucks the most. I feel like I've been left out in the cold with no clothes now. I don't wanna care, and know I shouldn't, but it still eats me up inside. I have one foot in the present, but I just can't seem to bring that other foot there too. Edited October 24, 2013 by hopespringseternal
Philosoraptor Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Acceptance takes time. They may last forever or they may break up today... either way, that's not your path anymore. Again, leave her to her games and immaturity. Don't take her cheapshots personally as she's trying to "win" the breakup by moving on first.
Assasda Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 You did very well. You took the high ground, I guarantee that it is eating at her And after she come's done from being fake and living out her fake fantasy relationship she knows that she's a fraud. She knows it, and she knows that you know it. She keeps up appearances with the relationship, but any guy that will wait for a chick that is in another relationship is weak. Sometimes you can never forget about them. never, but that shouldnt stop you from just moving on. Get on a dating website, and check out some other chicks
Author hopespringseternal Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 I appreciate the words of encouragement. Thank you guys. I know that is the logical way to go about things and I have been doing that. Just is hard is all. To see someone you once loved move on the way she has. Whether its fantasy or not. I do think she is masking the pain and it will fade on its own. Which is such a shot at my own pride because everything we had and shared seems to have been so easy to drop like a hat. This new life she is leading may be fantasy, but it doesn't hurt any less. The realization is there, its convincing ones self of it that is hard. I will continue to do what I'm doing and when I'm ready I will jump back into the dating seen. I have done that after every other breakup too soon. I will do it right this time and better myself first. I tried seeing someone already after the first week of being officially done. But decided that wasn't right this time so I ended it. I know there are woman in my life I could date. But not right now. I guess I will always wonder though. But the point is it doesn't matter whether I get the answer or not. Just gotta fix my ego a bit. Really got hit with this one. I guess as I have already discovered the only thing that will heal this is time. I will also add. DAMN HER FOR THIS. 1
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