Oui oui Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I just ended a three month relationship with a guy and I could've written your post at any point in the relationship. It was so frustrating! I got to where I was more and more direct with him, but it didn't really improve. I held on that long because when we were together we really had a great time. In the end, the frustration and constant feelings of insecurity in the relationship due to his texting style just weren't worth it. I feel so much better not looking for a decent reply from him everyday. Lol! Good luck to you!
veggirl Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Are you very young? Why the COMPLETE reliance on texting? I don't get it. He is a horrible texter.......yet you rely on texting to communicate with him. Uhh...that doesn't compute for me. Why are you jumping to the conclusion that he is stringing you along? You are clearly more invested in this than he is, but that doesn't mean he is stringing you along or doesn't like you.
truth_seeker Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 I think Cabinet is saying he's a loser because he's being extremely inconsiderate in stringing me along, if that's the case. When someone completely disregards the feelings of the person they've just spent the last two months wooing, then yeah - that's sort of a loser-ish thing to do. I agree. Usually people string along because they have another option in the wings or they don't how to say they're not interested.
truth_seeker Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 You are clearly more invested in this than he is, but that doesn't mean he is stringing you along or doesn't like you. You make a good point.
Shepp Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Here is why I think he is a loser. She said: "he's a horrible texter. Horrible. The very worst that I've ever encountered. He takes forever to respond. At times, he doesn't respond at all - even to direct questions. He's pretty good about initiating texts, though." What that means is that he has NO problem texting her when he feels like texting her... but he totally blows her off when she is asking him questions or texting back to him. Case in point..... her asking him to the movie! Plus, she posted the above indicating that he doesn't even respond to direct question BEFORE she even asked him the direct question of going to the movie which he blatantly IGNORED until she had to text him a "Hello?" text and then he comes up with some lame excuse about work. It takes mere seconds to respond even when you are busy at work. He is rude, unresponsive and every person deserves someone to treat them with courtesy and respect. That is why he is a loser. She can find someone who treats her the way she deserves and she won't have to wonder if they like her or whether they want to go to a movie because THEY will be asking HER. I'm head over heels for my gf but I forget to text her, or anyone else back occasionally...sometimes...a lot! I just forget, she knows by now to call me if she needs a quick response That said I agree, stop texting him, of he's intrested he'll make it happen!
eotdevice Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 Is there a specific reason you can't just call him to talk? I admit I am a big texter too. But sometimes a phone call puts all the BS to rest. And if he is in a new job, he may not have time to text you. The industry I am in specifically has us turn off our phones while at work. So no texts while on duty. You are way overthinking things.
Cabinet Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 (edited) Nah.....If you are: 1) 2 months into a relationship (arguably the "honeymoon phase") and 2) you really like a girl and 3) you know you aren't going to see her this weekend and 4) she texts you inviting you to a movie that night You do not forget to text her back. That means she isn't on your mind. If the above things are true - she is on your mind. That means something in the above isn't true. Has to be #2. ETA: totally different when you've been dating for a while, but not this early. Edited October 25, 2013 by Cabinet 2
Transplant Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 First and foremost, I'm dying to know what movie this is as my weekend is merely filled with college football and stock market research. I can safely say from experience on both ends, it is best to simply pull the trigger and ask the cat out. I've had girls supposedly wait months and even years to 'get the courage' to ask me out and I've done the same out of fear of rejection...no one ever wins.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 When he finally replied, did he mention a rain check? No, but the conversation didn't exactly lend itself to that. I kind of changed the subject rather quickly, so... I know - Excuses, excuses. I know his plans this weekend, so I know that he is legitimately busy, so I do agree that it would be wise to just leave it alone until after the weekend. She can find someone who treats her the way she deserves and she won't have to wonder if they like her or whether they want to go to a movie because THEY will be asking HER. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. These are the kinds of self-esteem pep talks I wish I was capable of having in my own head. Thank you. For some reason when I get comfortable with someone that I am already having a good time with I generally ease up on the longer text, and actually start to show I am having a good time with them through actions and doing fun things together. I feel like I can waste a lot of time with to many back and forth text and would actually rather talk to them or see them. This totally sounds like my guy, but I have been so conditioned to use texting as a measuring stick for how a guy feels about me, things become rather confusing for me when I encounter a guy who doesn't text much. Like I mentioned previously, he's a doll in person, just awful via text. I just ended a three month relationship with a guy and I could've written your post at any point in the relationship. It was so frustrating! I got to where I was more and more direct with him, but it didn't really improve. I held on that long because when we were together we really had a great time. In the end, the frustration and constant feelings of insecurity in the relationship due to his texting style just weren't worth it. I feel so much better not looking for a decent reply from him everyday. Lol! Good luck to you! Yeah, I really need to ask myself if it's worth it. The truth of the matter, though, is that some guys just don't like to text much. If he is actually interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship with me, I either need to cast aside my insecurities and learn to adjust to his texting style or move on like you did. At this point, I'm not sure what road I should take, because I have no idea what he wants. Are you very young? Why the COMPLETE reliance on texting? I don't get it. He is a horrible texter.......yet you rely on texting to communicate with him. Uhh...that doesn't compute for me. Why are you jumping to the conclusion that he is stringing you along? You are clearly more invested in this than he is, but that doesn't mean he is stringing you along or doesn't like you. Ha! No, I'm in my late 20's, but I've ALWAYS been a big texter. I'm a horrible phone conversationalist, and I hate talking on the phone. However, I feel like I'm pretty good at expressing myself with the written word, so I've always preferred texting. He seems to be the same way. I see what you're saying, though. It's silly for me to rely ONLY on texting to determine his feelings for me, especially since his actions when we're around each other indicate he's totally into me. You do indeed make an excellent point all around. I'm not saying you love him, but you're clearly MUCH more invested in him than he is in you. Therefore, you have no power whatsoever and have put yourself basically at his mercy, hoping for him to toss you a crumb. Stop it. I agree with you 100%. I am WAY too invested, WAY too soon. I really struggle with not letting myself get too attached so early on, but it's because I so desperately want to be in a loving relationship, it hurts. I became way too invested because he makes me feel so wonderful when we're together. The way he holds me, the way he kisses me, the way he looks into my eyes, the conversations that we have, his talk of future plans, his insistence on me meeting his friends and family. His affection is like a drug, and I'm hooked. I'm invested. My silly girl brain tricked me into thinking that all of these things meant he was just as invested, but it's sadly not the case. I'm head over heels for my gf but I forget to text her, or anyone else back occasionally...sometimes...a lot! I just forget, she knows by now to call me if she needs a quick response That said I agree, stop texting him, of he's intrested he'll make it happen! Shepp, you give me hope! Is there a specific reason you can't just call him to talk? I admit I am a big texter too. But sometimes a phone call puts all the BS to rest. And if he is in a new job, he may not have time to text you. The industry I am in specifically has us turn off our phones while at work. So no texts while on duty. You are way overthinking things. I guess I could call, we just RARELY talk on the phone, since we're both really big texters. And I think you're right about my over thinking things. I just want this to work so badly that I overanalyze any little weird move. If I could just learn to chill, live my life, and just let things happen, I probably wouldn’t be in this situation.
Cabinet Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Hey Lovelorn.... are you SURE he is going back to his home town over the weekend? I hate to be the suspicious type, but you said last weekend you saw him Friday night, during the DAY on Saturday and then on Sunday. Now he is kind of flaking out with you this week on doing something and then can't see you this weekend because he is "out of town". I'd be wondering if he went on a date with someone else Saturday night and now is spending time with her this weekend. He's not ready to cut you loose yet, but is suspiciously quiet when you try to get him to elaborate on why he has to be out of town or when you try to engage him too much. Like he doesn't want to dig himself toooo deep - easier to not answer. But I am jaded that way. Have you had an exclusivity talk?
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Hey Lovelorn.... are you SURE he is going back to his home town over the weekend? I hate to be the suspicious type, but you said last weekend you saw him Friday night, during the DAY on Saturday and then on Sunday. Now he is kind of flaking out with you this week on doing something and then can't see you this weekend because he is "out of town". I'd be wondering if he went on a date with someone else Saturday night and now is spending time with her this weekend. He's not ready to cut you loose yet, but is suspiciously quiet when you try to get him to elaborate on why he has to be out of town or when you try to engage him too much. Like he doesn't want to dig himself toooo deep - easier to not answer. But I am jaded that way. Have you had an exclusivity talk? Hey, Cabinet. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. When we were out with his friends last Friday night (in his hometown), I overheard them talking about the plans for this weekend, so I'm pretty sure he went back. It's definitely possible that he had a date with someone on Saturday night or any night this past week, though. That thought is constantly on my mind. I did hear from him this morning (he initiated). He went out with his guy friends last night (I already knew this was the plan). We had a short little text convo going, and then I made the mistake of asking him another direct question: "Where did you end up going out?" 3 hours and no response. We haven't had the exclusivity talk yet. I'm afraid of a) scaring him away and b) hearing the awful, painful truth that he's just not that into me after 2.5 months of dating. I need to learn to start having that conversation earlier on in the relationship, for sure.
fujidabruin Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Hey, Cabinet. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. When we were out with his friends last Friday night (in his hometown), I overheard them talking about the plans for this weekend, so I'm pretty sure he went back. It's definitely possible that he had a date with someone on Saturday night or any night this past week, though. That thought is constantly on my mind. I did hear from him this morning (he initiated). He went out with his guy friends last night (I already knew this was the plan). We had a short little text convo going, and then I made the mistake of asking him another direct question: "Where did you end up going out?" 3 hours and no response. We haven't had the exclusivity talk yet. I'm afraid of a) scaring him away and b) hearing the awful, painful truth that he's just not that into me after 2.5 months of dating. I need to learn to start having that conversation earlier on in the relationship, for sure. Hey Lovelorn, I know it is hard when you have a certain amount invested but you are afraid to lose it if your fears turn out to be true..... I tend to get attached quickly and have had several relationships that started out really sweet for a few months but ended up doomed after it was established that we were in different places in our lives. It hurts for a while, but you need to know if your guy is aligned with you if you seek a LTR with him. I believe there are more compatible people around us than I would have believed earlier in my life..... I now feel it often comes down to timing whether things can work or not. So go ahead and have that talk that you know that you need to have. Remember that the outcome does not reflect on who you are as a person, it is the circumstance and it will be as it should. Good Luck 1
Author Lovelorn00 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Posted October 26, 2013 Thank you so much for your kind words, fujidabruin. The best part about this forum is knowing that I'm not alone or weird or abnorml in the way that I feel. It does suck when you realize something may not work after a couple of months of butterflies and rainbows. Someone mentioned it before, but I may indeed be a chronic sufferer of oneitis. The feeling that the person I've met is the best I can get and best I'll ever do. When, in reality, this person isn't really all that great for me in a lot of ways. I have a feeling I'll be relying on this forum for a while. It's so helpful to hear other perspectives, especially when I can't quite trust my own. Thanks again. PS He asked me to come over tonight. Nothing fancy. Just a relaxed night. This is it. Time for me to grow a pair and have this conversation. Wish me luck! 1
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Consider the following text message chain: ME: Have you seen [insert new movie title]? HIM: No, what's that? ME: It's this new movie I'm absolutely obsessed with. [insert link to YouTube trailer]. ME: It's getting rave reviews. I wanna see it sooooo bad. HIM: Sounds cool. A little background. We've been dating for a little over two months. When we're together in person (1-2 times a week), he treats me very much like a girlfriend. Very doting, affectionate, romantic, considerate, parades me around to his friends, etc. Couldn't ask for anything better. We basically spent this past weekend together. I met many of his friends and some of his family at a party Friday night. We hung out a little during the day on Saturday, then again on Sunday night. Everything went well, in my opinion. However, he's a horrible texter. Horrible. The very worst that I've ever encountered. He takes forever to respond. At times, he doesn't respond at all - even to direct questions. He's pretty good about initiating texts, though. Ultimately, I've decided that he's just a bad texter, and as much as I want to assign some meaning to this fact and force it to be some sort of gauge to determine his interest in me, I just don't think that's the case. He's been this way since day one, so I've come to the conclusion that he's just one of those folks who lacks common texting etiquette, and I'm slowly learning to be cool with that. Not everyone likes communicating via text. I totally get it. This last one threw me for a loop, though. I was definitely hoping he'd pick up the bait and say, "Let's go see it!" Instead, I got "sounds cool." What gives? Guys, how would you have responded to that sort of statement coming from someone you're dating? Am I over-thinking it? Should I have responded with my own invitation instead of hoping he'd pick up the hint? Or should I take this as someone who is clearly losing interest and has no desire to spend time with me? I'm trying to play it cool here and not come across as too pushy. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks! ask him straight up to go with you guys can sometimes need that straight up approach they dont take hints all that well.....deb
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