Guys... How Would YOU Respond?

[Lovelorn00]

Consider the following text message chain:

 

ME: Have you seen [insert new movie title]?

 

HIM: No, what's that?

 

ME: It's this new movie I'm absolutely obsessed with. [insert link to YouTube trailer].

 

ME: It's getting rave reviews. I wanna see it sooooo bad.

 

HIM: Sounds cool.

 

A little background. We've been dating for a little over two months. When we're together in person (1-2 times a week), he treats me very much like a girlfriend. Very doting, affectionate, romantic, considerate, parades me around to his friends, etc. Couldn't ask for anything better. We basically spent this past weekend together. I met many of his friends and some of his family at a party Friday night. We hung out a little during the day on Saturday, then again on Sunday night. Everything went well, in my opinion.

 

However, he's a horrible texter. Horrible. The very worst that I've ever encountered. He takes forever to respond. At times, he doesn't respond at all - even to direct questions. He's pretty good about initiating texts, though. Ultimately, I've decided that he's just a bad texter, and as much as I want to assign some meaning to this fact and force it to be some sort of gauge to determine his interest in me, I just don't think that's the case. He's been this way since day one, so I've come to the conclusion that he's just one of those folks who lacks common texting etiquette, and I'm slowly learning to be cool with that. Not everyone likes communicating via text. I totally get it.

 

This last one threw me for a loop, though. I was definitely hoping he'd pick up the bait and say, "Let's go see it!" Instead, I got "sounds cool." What gives? Guys, how would you have responded to that sort of statement coming from someone you're dating? Am I over-thinking it? Should I have responded with my own invitation instead of hoping he'd pick up the hint?

 

Or should I take this as someone who is clearly losing interest and has no desire to spend time with me?

 

I'm trying to play it cool here and not come across as too pushy. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

[headinthecloud]

Just ask him out to the movie. Simple as that. If he says he's busy then hes just not that into you.

[Philosoraptor]

If you want to go with him then ask him rather than trying to leave bait. You're an adult and capible of not playing silly games.

[Lansing]

and THAT is what annoys me about girls I date. Instead of giving me hints that they want to see a movie or telling me they want to see it and hoping that I say "let's see it together", why not just say "hey, I really want to see this film, want to see it together/want to join me?""... Feels like a girl needs to be asked out and just wants to drop hints/etc. I would prefer a girl that took action when she wanted to do something.

[theothersully]

I think there are prior like this. The girl in Miami I'm seeing is like this. I was out with her all day a while back and watched texts come in from her roommate and her sister. These were quickly read and not responded to for at least 24 hours. I was like wtf??? At least i note understand went she is show to get back to me and short like your guy as well.

 

I'm thinking not everyone is good at texting or views it as an instant messenger service. some seem to see it more like email.

[truth_seeker]

It's insecurity and fear of rejection - this is why girls drop hints instead of being direct.

[truth_seeker]

To answer the OPs question:

 

"So I'm going to see this movie, you want to come with me?"

 

Done.

[Assasda]

I'm a bad texter too. I hate texting, you cant get what you need to say in there without some long message.

 

Just ask him to see the movie with you. hahaha

I like assertive women. Dont beat around the bush like a little kid

[Lovelorn00]

Insecurity and fear of rejection - You hit the nail on the head, truth_seeker. I'll be honest - I like this guy. A lot. But I read so many blogs and articles about what to do and what not to do, that I have no idea what's up and what's down anymore. Do I ask a guy out or let him ask me out? I have no idea anymore, and it's driving me crazy. In a perfect world, I'd have the guts to just ask him out and be fine with whatever answer I get, but that's just not the case. This whole dating thing can be sheer torture at times, but I guess if it wasn't, forums like this wouldn't exist.

 

Ugh. I've got to stop putting so much thought into these things and just live fearlessly. It's settled. I'll tell I'm going and ask if he wants to go. It is as simple as that.

 

Thanks, everyone!

[Lovelorn00]

Just ask him out to the movie. Simple as that. If he says he's busy then hes just not that into you.

 

... or maybe he's just busy. Sorry, just trying to remain optimistic here. Lol

[WhiteButton]

Just ask the guy out!!! He will like this. It will show him that you are also putting a little effort. The girl i am dating now, i ended up asking her out 3 times for our 3rd date to get the final date and time in place, and we had an awesome time together.

 

You probably would have stopped after first time if you had to do the same thing. Look ask him out - if he says no then you have your answer and you can move on and not waste time. If he says yes great go have fun! The way i see it is a win win situation for you.

[Keenly]

Its possible he has absolutely no desire to see this movie whatsoever. In which case you shouldn't expect him to go.

[tlegend]

Its possible he has absolutely no desire to see this movie whatsoever. In which case you shouldn't expect him to go.

 

Exactly. And if you want him to go see this movie with you (we make those sacrifices for our significant others very easily...), you need to tell him exactly that.

 

As someone posted earlier:

 

So I'm going to see this movie, you want to come with me?

 

My bet is that his answer will be yes.

[Grumpybutfun]

Lovelorn:

There is texting etiquette? I think I didn't get the text on that.

I really love when my wife tells me exactly what she wants from me. It was one of the things about her that made me crazy for her. She and I have completely different ideas on how to communicate things...she needs a gleam in my eye or a barely perceptible nod, and I need a 2X4 upside the head or someone pointing and shouting. All kidding aside, some men like women who are straight forward most of the time unless they like the mystery of guessing.

Have fun and let us know how it goes,

Grumps

 

P.S. Also do not get your info about men from other women's blogs.

Edited October 24, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[Lovelorn00]

Wow, everyone! This is all really, really excellent advice. I definitely appreciate it.

 

If you want to go with him then ask him rather than trying to leave bait. You're an adult and capible of not playing silly games.

 

True. I am an adult and I really wish I didn't have to play these silly games, but the more I date, the more I realize that dating/love is a game. Life in general is a game of adjusting our own behaviors and words in order to manipulate the behaviors of another. Isn't that human nature?

 

I would prefer a girl that took action when she wanted to do something.

 

Yes, but there are a fair amount of guys who enjoy taking the lead with everything. They enjoy the pursuit of the girl and feel rewarded when she says yes to a date. By asking the guy out, I'm taking away that thrill. Right?

 

if he says no then you have your answer and you can move on and not waste time. If he says yes great go have fun! The way i see it is a win win situation for you.

 

I really need to change my perspective and see this as a win-win situation if he says no. The bottom line, though, is that rejection hurts, and it takes me a while to bounce back from it. I don't know... if he does say no, I don't think it's a flat out indication he's not interested. We did just see each other a few days ago for an entire weekend. He is genuinely busy (just moved, new job), and it is a work night. I can completely understand if someone doesn't want to go see a late movie on a work night.

 

Its possible he has absolutely no desire to see this movie whatsoever. In which case you shouldn't expect him to go.

 

Ha! I hadn't thought of that. I figured he'd want to, since the subject matter is something we're both interested in. You're right, though. Maybe he just doesn't want to see it. I can totally understand that. However, as tlegend said, it's more about the opportunity to spend time with me, which I'm hoping he still wants. :/

 

Exactly. And if you want him to go see this movie with you (we make those sacrifices for our significant others very easily...), you need to tell him exactly that.

 

I hope you're right. I've asked the question. Just waiting on the response now (while pulling my hair out).

 

some men like women who are straight forward most of the time unless they like the mystery of guessing.

 

Hah! Surprisingly, yes. There IS texting etiquette. I love what you're saying, though, and ALL my married girlfriends say the same thing. If I want something or if something bothers me, I really need to speak up about it. What I'm learning is that men think differently (obviously) and don't always pick up on the subtle hints and cues we women throw out. Thanks for that advice, Grumps.

 

I'll let you all know how it goes. Wish me luck!!

[Shepp]

However, he's a horrible texter. Horrible. The very worst that I've ever encountered. He takes forever to respond. At times, he doesn't respond at all - even to direct questions. He's pretty good about initiating texts, though. Ultimately, I've decided that he's just a bad texter, and as much as I want to assign some meaning to this fact and force it to be some sort of gauge to determine his interest in me, I just don't think that's the case.

 

You could be describing me there!

 

I don't understand why you didn't just start the conversation like 'I think this movie looks good, wanna see it with me?'??

 

Maybe he's holding out to see if you'll initiate something?

 

To be honest it was pretty obvious WBA you were hinting at, sometimes to wind my gf up for jokes I'll play really dumb when she's hinting at something till she has to spell it out!

[Lovelorn00]

So... I asked.

 

ME: Hey, I'm going to go see that movie tonight. Wanna join me?

 

---crickets---

 

After four hours of no response, I send a gentle, "Hello?"

 

Finally, a response. Of course, by this time, it was too late to see a movie. Apparently, he had been at work the whole time, and had just left when he responded. He seemed very apologetic. Said his day had been a nightmare (just started a new job). Asked me how my day was and all that jazz. He mentioned that he had to go back to his hometown over the weekend (he just moved to my city from a little town about 2 hours away). Just making conversation, I ask him why he has to go back.

 

---crickets---

 

I don't know. I'm so confused. I already knew he was busy this weekend, so I was really hoping he'd make the effort to see me beforehand. On the other hand, we did spend practically the whole weekend together last weekend. I'm definitely bummed that his apologies weren't followed by a plan to see each other soon. I don't want to ask again out of fear of looking like a dummy.

 

Am I expecting too much too soon? Does he just need space? Or should I see this as a clear indication that he's lost interest? Is this a classic example of "if you have to ask, there's your answer?"

 

BAH! I hate all the freaking guesswork of dating! Sometimes, I'm not sure it's worth it at all.

[Cabinet]

The answer is... he didn't want to go with you. He is stringing you along. If he liked you a lot he would be jumping at the chance to see you or at least answering you in a timely manner.

 

Show yourself some respect and dump this loser.

[simsim]

That sucks.

 

Personally, I would just let it go til after the weekend. Don't text him again, focus on filling your time and having fun with friends. Don't drunk text him either. Most likely he'll text you over the weekend, but if he doesn't, that's ok...just leave it be til Sunday-ish, or whenever he's due back. I'd let him initiate contact starting now.

 

Very annoying to be treated like you're not worth taking the time to respond to.

[truth_seeker]

The answer is... he didn't want to go with you. He is stringing you along. If he liked you a lot he would be jumping at the chance to see you or at least answering you in a timely manner.

 

Show yourself some respect and dump this loser.

 

He's a loser because he doesn't like her?

[Divasu]

I would let it go about this weekend.

I mean, you did spend all of last weekend together (I know though when you really like someone you can't wait to see them again and it sucks having to hold yourself back). Maybe he's not as interested or maybe he really does have stuff to do this weekend. See what happens next week.

 

When he finally replied, did he mention a rain check?

 

If it drags on and nothing, then yeah, it's pretty much dead in the water.

[Lovelorn00]

The answer is... he didn't want to go with you. He is stringing you along. If he liked you a lot he would be jumping at the chance to see you or at least answering you in a timely manner.

 

Show yourself some respect and dump this loser.

 

Thanks, Cabinet. My logical brain agrees with you all the way. But the irrational part of my brain that has fallen for this dude wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. He did just move to a big city from a small town (for the first time in his life). He did just start a new job. And his communication skills have always been a little lacking from day one. You're right, though. If someone really wanted to spend time with me, they'd make it happen.

 

And for those reasons, I agree with Simsim. I won't text him anymore. I'll let it go for the weekend and just see what happens on Sunday.

[Cabinet]

He's a loser because he doesn't like her?

 

 

Here is why I think he is a loser.

 

She said:

"he's a horrible texter. Horrible. The very worst that I've ever encountered. He takes forever to respond. At times, he doesn't respond at all - even to direct questions. He's pretty good about initiating texts, though."

 

What that means is that he has NO problem texting her when he feels like texting her... but he totally blows her off when she is asking him questions or texting back to him. Case in point..... her asking him to the movie! Plus, she posted the above indicating that he doesn't even respond to direct question BEFORE she even asked him the direct question of going to the movie which he blatantly IGNORED until she had to text him a "Hello?" text and then he comes up with some lame excuse about work. It takes mere seconds to respond even when you are busy at work. He is rude, unresponsive and every person deserves someone to treat them with courtesy and respect.

 

That is why he is a loser.

 

She can find someone who treats her the way she deserves and she won't have to wonder if they like her or whether they want to go to a movie because THEY will be asking HER.

[Lovelorn00]

He's a loser because he doesn't like her?

 

I think Cabinet is saying he's a loser because he's being extremely inconsiderate in stringing me along, if that's the case. When someone completely disregards the feelings of the person they've just spent the last two months wooing, then yeah - that's sort of a loser-ish thing to do.

[jba10582]

I am going to be honest. When I am first starting a relationship I typically text more because its probably the most comfortable form of communication between a guy and girl at the beggining (or end of) a relationship.

 

For some reason when I get comfortable with someone that I am already having a good time with I generally ease up on the longer text, and actually start to show I am having a good time with them through actions and doing fun things together. I feel like I can waste a lot of time with to many back and forth text and would actually rather talk to them or see them.