Rick1 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. Thank you, to whoever reads it all and sends me feedback. I dated this girl for 2 years and when we first got together, everything was perfect for a very long time. It wasn't until the second year things between me and her started to go sour. Unfortunate to say, during our relationship she used to dance at a strip club from time to time whenever she was struggling with money. She also helped me a few times when I needed it too. I always hated it, and we'd fight about it sometimes. All this aside, she never cheated on me and I never cheated on her. She loved me to death, and did nearly anything and everything I wanted. I could ask her for something and I'd have it no questions asked. She went over and beyond to make me happy, and I eventually started to take it all for granted. I wasn't going out of my way for her anymore. I wasn't being the best I could be with her anymore. I got mad at her for stupid things like going out with her friends. I basically made her feel like crap, and she stuck around for a long time dealing with it. She went to Vegas at the end of June, but before she left I broke up with her cause I was mad at her for going without me. A week after we broke up, she got with someone else. And that guy was actually someone I used to be friends with. (Not close, but we were still friends.) She even claimed to love him and posted pictures with him all over instagram and made it look like a real love story. Long story short, they stayed together until now. The whole time they've been together, her and I have had run ins with eachother, where she'd told me she still loves me and I told her I loved her too and wanted her back. Apparently, I am the main reason they broke up because he was always worried about me, and he found out her and I had sex one time while he was away. She came back to me last weekend in the middle of the night and cried and said she made a mistake. We spent the whole weekend together going out to eat, hanging out, staying the night with eachother, having sex, you know the rest. In the back of my mind I knew she just got out of this relationship, so I had my guard up and was prepared for something bad to happen. Sure enough, this Monday I got out of her car and she kissed me and said bye and 2 hours later she texted me saying she hates me and I ruined her life. I am so confused. She spent the whole weekend loving me saying she loves me and being with me and now I am back at square one again. Feeling just like I did when we first broke up. I've been talking to her and telling her I want a second chance and it'd be different but she insists that I ruined her life and that it's over. And she says I ruined her life while we were together too and made her miserable. I know she still loves me. And I know there's some kind of interest inside her, because she responds to my texts, we still act like friends, and if I call her and she misses the call, she calls me right back. What the hell do I do? How do I get this girl back? ALSO, THIS IS ANOTHER QUESTION: ** Her birthday is on November 2nd, which is about a week and a half away and theres a $400 cat she told me she REALLY wants while we were together this weekend, and I am tempted to buy it for her. Should I do it?
Philosoraptor Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 She rebounded to him then used you as a rebound as well. If she comes back she will be rebounding again. She needs a good amount of time single, alone, and maturing, before she is going to be capible of a healthy relationship. You'd be best off to take care of yourself and cut contact with her. She's only bringing you pain and continued contact with her will just add to that pain.
reddragon588 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 ALSO, THIS IS ANOTHER QUESTION: ** Her birthday is on November 2nd, which is about a week and a half away and theres a $400 cat she told me she REALLY wants while we were together this weekend, and I am tempted to buy it for her. Should I do it? Dude! No! She is trying to manipulate you, and she's not even being discrete about it! Don't buy her crap, she just wants you to be there for her emotionally and financially while she goes off screwing other dudes! Your friends, nonetheless! What in the history you put up here suggests otherwise? Give her the birthday present she deserves: nothing!
toolforgrowth Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 If it were me, I wouldn't even try to get this girl back again. It's the second time she's left. Let her go. Based on what I've read, my instincts tell me she's playing you...both of you. Imagine how good it must feel for her to know she's got two men who want her, no matter which one she's with and which one she sleeps with. There are I consequences for her actions. This is a bad pattern she's established. I would never feel secure being in a relationship with someone like that. I'd always wonder when the next time she would leave would be, or who the next guy she would sleep with would be. That is not a foundation upon which you can build a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Let her go. Don't even try to get her back. Focus on you, take some time to heal, then go find someone who won't play these games or hurt you. Just my two cents.
Mario79 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I dont know man. I want to tell you, please, go get the cat, be romantic, show her you are willing to do what it takes. I am still reeling from my break up. You do have to ask yourself if you are willing to do what it takes. Are you willing to leave jealousy behind. Because you would be the one putting yourself out there. Giving the message yes I am willing to do whatever. A friend of mine pretty much said it to me, the only thing missing would be a leash.
Author Rick1 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 I thank you guys for the input, seriously. And I agree and have thought all these things you guys have said to myself. It's just the underlying guilt I feel. I am beating myself up mentally because I know it was my fault it ended and has became this way. I hate knowing that I could have been different. I don't know. I'll take the advice though. I guess I shouldn't be an idiot and go buy that present for her.
Author Rick1 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 She spent a lot of money on me while we were together and bought me a lot of things and I never really bought her anything great.. so that's why I am tempted to buy that present for her
reddragon588 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I thank you guys for the input, seriously. And I agree and have thought all these things you guys have said to myself. It's just the underlying guilt I feel. I am beating myself up mentally because I know it was my fault it ended and has became this way. I hate knowing that I could have been different. I don't know. I'll take the advice though. I guess I shouldn't be an idiot and go buy that present for her. No dude it's her fault! She ended it for someone else. She took advantage of you emotionally. She manipulated you.
Author Rick1 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 It's my fault this relationship ended to begin with. In her own words "I made her miserable". (Towards the end of the relationship anyway.) It kills me.
reddragon588 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 It's my fault this relationship ended to begin with. In her own words "I made her miserable". (Towards the end of the relationship anyway.) It kills me. She is just transferring her own guilt onto you, and she's succeeding. she left you for someone else, and from your story, there's a good chance she had this guy lined up before she broke it!
headinthecloud Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Please, do not buy her the cat...Very bad idea. An animal is something people must purchase on their own. It sounds like she's codependent emotionally and that's not healthy. Relationships take a lot of work and when you stopped putting effort into it, she started overcompensating. It's just the polarity of your dynamics. I would move on. Too much ha happened and you both broke each others trust. I would go NC and move on. 1
Author Rick1 Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 She would of course take care of the animal.. I almost moved on, but after being with her this weekend I am right back at square one. Feeling like a complete idiot now.
Mario79 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 If you almost did it once you can almost do it again. Try to make it to November 2nd, evaluate things, keep writting here. See how you feel. Were here for you. 1
reddragon588 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 $400 is a lot of money to spend on anyone, let alone someone who abuses your emotions like she has! What is the purpose of buying the cat anyway? Do you think she is going to get the cat and want to get back together? Even if she does, would you want to be with someone so materialistic? 1
Sugarkane Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 $400 is a lot of money to spend on anyone, let alone someone who abuses your emotions like she has! What is the purpose of buying the cat anyway? Do you think she is going to get the cat and want to get back together? Even if she does, would you want to be with someone so materialistic? Can someone please tell me how I get an ex to buy me a cat? My ex wouldn't even buy me dinner! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Don't buy her the damn cat. Holy crap what an awful idea. 1
Dinozzo925 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Rick, Any monogamous relationship with a stripper is going to be tenuous...to say the least. Your relationship with this girl did not fail because of you, it was two people's faults. If she cheated on this new boyfriend with you, chances are she'll cheat on you with someone else down the line. I know what you are thinking "but it's for me and I'm the only one she would do that for"...eh, wait until you get back together with her and the fights start again (they will, you're going to have some serious trust issues with her after this separation...especially if you already had trust issues before she left you. You just don't see that now because you are still chasing her). I'm not saying there isn't a good connection between you two somewhere, or that you both don't love each other. But just read what you are saying, this isn't a healthy relationship. Look at the second chances section man, there's a guy there who gave his wife a second chance and it's still driving him nuts TWENTY years later. You do NOT want that. ----------- If you don't care and want to win her back, Find her a new, real job that you can be proud of. Surprise her with a romantic dinner and then give her the cat at the end of the meal or if she tries to leave. Offer that, when you get back together, you both go to counseling of some sort. She has issues, you have issues and if your relationship is going to get a second chance you need to work those issues out in a healthy environment. 2
Author Rick1 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Posted October 25, 2013 I really appreciate that Dinozzo. You're right, and I just need to realize that this is the truth. Thanks for shedding some light on this. 1
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