GIGS? Something Else? I still don't get the reasons for our breakup

[crackedparty]

Hey everyone!

 

I've read a lot of threads and articles, but I still can't really relate 100% to anything. I simply don't get the reasons for our breakup. Maybe it's just me missing something obvious, that's why YOUR opinions would help.

 

I've been in no contact with my ex girlfriend for around a month I think. I'm the dumpee. We were together for one year and eight months. While I'm feeling much, much better, I'm definitely not over her; I still have a long way to go. We were together for one and a half year. It was a very special relationship filled with silly romance and all of that. We told each other EVERYTHING, and there wasn't really anything the other part would say no to (except cheating and threesomes, lol).

 

Things weren't perfect at the end though, as we became less unable to give each other what we needed. There was definitely clashes in opinions, life goals and so on. Even so, it feels the breakup came out of nowhere. She had lost her feelings for me for ONLY A WEEK (knowing this not because she said so, but also cause she went from MADLY IN LOVE to acting weird only the last week). I confronted her about this, she gave me the whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech. She wanted to keep me as her best friend.

 

She listed lots of reasons for why she didn't think this would work out, but nothing sounded like a deal breaker to be honest. She was the part that sucked at communication, and all of those things was possible to solve. It really felt like a super impulsive decision from her part (she's young).

 

Now for the messed up part: One thing led to another, and we had sex. I was so shocked afterwards that I blurted out that I also lost feelings for her. She became relieved and we were suddenly friends with benefits... And all the cuddling remained.

 

However, I was obviously not over her, and my body language showed. She became more cold towards me, but also acted REALLY confused and contradicting. I finally ended this post relationship limbo with No Contact shortly after.

 

Now here's the thing: This breakup aside, my life's amazing. My career, friends and meeting new people, nothing's a problem. As a result, I've been constantly busy having people around me and never really gotten time to eat ice cream all by myself while crying, haha.

 

At the same time, my ex acted all "WOW MY LIFE IS SO AWESOME NOW I'M SO HAPPY I'M GONNA CHANGE A LOT THROW IT AT EVERYONE'S FACE ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIAS" at first, but now some mutual friends have told me that she's sometimes writing pretty angsty stuff on internet, one of them involving really missing me. Even though I'm the dumpee, I've moved on more than her. All my friends (who are really honest dudes and dudettes) are saying she made a mistake.

 

Once again, I'm not gonna lie: I'm NOT over her. I really care about her ALOT. A big part of me wants reconciliation, even though I know it would be a bad outcome in every scenario.

 

However, I really don't get if she actually ended things because of all the facts she listed, or if this is some messed up version of GIGS. I mean it's only been a month (GIGS is supposed to take 6 months at minimum, right?).

Edited October 24, 2013 by crackedparty

[Philosoraptor]

Ugh, I must ask... why does the reason matter when it doesn't change the facts? You're looking to cling to hope when she cut the cord, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to continue moving on. If you truly believe that getting back with her would be a mistake, then why worry about it?

 

Accept the facts as they are the only thing you can be sure of. It's understandable that you want to know why, but many people feel they are doing the dumpee a favor by being vague during the breakup.

 

Sounds like you have your life in order. You will get through this and in time find someone who is able to offer the same kind of committment and relationship as you are.

[Am4Real]

Do you want the straight up or the sugar-coated version? I'll assume the straight up is what you want but me warn you, it won't come easy to your eyes or your heart. If you're not ready then stop reading now....

 

 

My best guess...she has met someone else and is trying to let you down slowly and with ease...pretty normal behaviors for immature guys and gals that are plagued with changed feelings and guilt in letting go of someone they know well and loved. You blurted out you "also lost feelings for her" which eased her guilt and in her relief she gave you the cuddles and whatever else.

 

Shortly I think you find her even more distant to the point of not communicating with you anymore or for some time.

 

It's best to move on at this point...sounds to me like her interests are elsewhere.

 

So sorry for you...I know it's hard, but I would leave her alone and if there is a new guy or guy(s) she finds less than the guy you are, perhaps she will look you up but if she is young (you didn't state age) as you say, it's not likely my friend...it is was many young people do as they discover the aura of this big world.