Telling her she has acted disrespectfully

[aybc123]

second thoughts ignore my last post, not going to send it or anything else ever unless/until i hear from her. currently im not blocked on anything, she hasnt detagged her photos of us together (except for one, which was our favourite when we were together and im pretty sure she did it to piss me off, which im weirdly ok with as at least it lets me know she cares a little bit, even if it is in a negative way) or anything else weird and hurtful and for all i know she really does just want some space. i also dont think shed be the kind of person to **** talk me after a relationship with her friends (god knows some of her exes have actually treated her pretty terribly and she never did anything to them) but im not going to give her a reason to by carrying on. As things stand now it isn't so bad that in 6 months if i bump into her i can't be all smiles and how are you yes thanks im great and my life is wonderful so anyway goodbye.

 

Maybe in time she will stop reading my silence/ not texting her as sulking and waiting for a reply and start reading it as actually just not caring anymore and thinking it was a ****ty thing to do and want to reconnect, maybe not. Maybe she'll break up with the new guy in a month or two or maybe they'll get married. Even if she did come back we've now both hurt each other so much and ****ed things up in different ways that we'd have to start from scratch anyway as basically different people than we were 3 years ago, and if thats the case then its no different to just meeting someone new without the shared baggage. Either way I can't wait around to find out.

 

This is a weird feeling though, i really do just have to move on now, there's no hope to cling to anymore. Seems unreal that it's over and ended this way and i may never speak to her again just like that, but it really did so..

Edited October 25, 2013 by aybc123

[sambo77]

.....what?

 

I've read all of your post on this site and your responses to Simon, and honestly dude, it just seems so reaching at this point. At the end of the day, your ex made the decision to leave. Why debate on the context of it (like you did above) rather than juts come to terms with everything?

 

I've seen Simon on here for the better part of a year. Simon and myself have seen countless stories on here and every person thinks that theirs is unique, special, or different. At the end of the day, they aren't. Sadly, yours isnt either. The way Simon gives advice is the best on here because he (and myself) dont like to sugar coat anything and just tell the truth. His "thought process" might be different than yours, but it doesnt make it wrong. Face the facts. I agree 1000 percent that keeping contact with your ex is just plain dumb. She went "radio silent" because she doesnt want that anymore. No matter what she tells you or whatever. She doesnt want that relationship anymore. The faster you recognize that and move forward, the better off you'll be.

 

Thanks for your response dude. Appreciate it. And like aybc said, this will turn into a circular discussion if we're not careful. But, to clarify once and for all:

 

(1) I've never suggested my breakup IS any different from anybody else's. That's not what this has been about. I don't think Simon is wrong. I think he has a valid opinion. So do I. They are just different.

 

(2) I never said "keeping in contact" (over time) with an ex is a helpful thing. I suggested that an ex simply ignoring a one time question asking if she feels there is another chance (during the unfolding of the breakup) is morally questionable and disrespectful (for me).

 

(3) I know that my relationship is over. I know she's gone. I am coming to terms with it. That doesn't change my views on outright ignoring people as disrespectful and uncaring. As aybc said...others "feel" the same on that issue. I will endorse that viewpoint long after I'm over this breakup because it's what I believe...it's just my take on what's respectful and caring and what isn't. That's all.

 

I'm not saying me clinging on to this argument will have any effect on the course of my breakup....it won't. I'm simply standing up for what I believe to be morally correct and explaining why. Sometimes it's important to scrutinise what we start accepting as "a given" - it isn't always the case. Aybc has a great point that this site could operate according to an exaggerated set of norms.

[sambo77]

second thoughts ignore my last post, not going to send it or anything else ever unless/until i hear from her. currently im not blocked on anything, she hasnt detagged her photos of us together (except for one, which was our favourite when we were together and im pretty sure she did it to piss me off, which im weirdly ok with as at least it lets me know she cares a little bit, even if it is in a negative way) or anything else weird and hurtful and for all i know she really does just want some space. i also dont think shed be the kind of person to **** talk me after a relationship with her friends (god knows some of her exes have actually treated her pretty terribly and she never did anything to them) but im not going to give her a reason to by carrying on. As things stand now it isn't so bad that in 6 months if i bump into her i can't be all smiles and how are you yes thanks im great and my life is wonderful so anyway goodbye.

 

Maybe in time she will stop reading my silence/ not texting her as sulking and waiting for a reply and start reading it as actually just not caring anymore and thinking it was a ****ty thing to do and want to reconnect, maybe not. Maybe she'll break up with the new guy in a month or two or maybe they'll get married. Even if she did come back we've now both hurt each other so much and ****ed things up in different ways that we'd have to start from scratch anyway as basically different people than we were 3 years ago, and if thats the case then its no different to just meeting someone new without the shared baggage. Either way I can't wait around to find out.

 

This is a weird feeling though, i really do just have to move on now, there's no hope to cling to anymore. Seems unreal that it's over and ended this way and i may never speak to her again just like that, but it really did so..

 

I think this a wise move aybc. Good on you.

 

Even though we've both been staunch supporters of the idea that her ignoring you was wrong, I don't think you should berate her for it.

 

I would never moralise directly to my ex about her hurtfully ignoring a similar request to yours. As much as I think it's wrong, I also don't think I see a reason to let her know this. I think it would be unnecessary. There's a difference between us believing it's wrong and us wanting her to know we believe it's wrong.