jos Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 My GF and I have been together for almost 2 years and have been living together for a few months. In August she got pregnant and miscarried about 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. We knew she was going to miscarry for about 6 weeks. We found out that she has some medical condition that makes her body fight off a baby basically. So the chance of having a baby is pretty much zero. And she doesn't want to try again because there is a high chance of miscarriage or stillbirth and she'd have to have multiple doctor appointments every week for blood tests and ultrasounds and have a c-section at 34 weeks. So to her, not worth it because she doesn't want to deal with more loss or hurt the baby. I'm fine with no kids, it's not a big deal to me. She knows that but doesn't believe it because I was excited for the baby we were going to have. But she's always wanted kids. Since we found out she has been upset all the time (understandable) and extremely jealous. She normally doesn't care at all if I hang out with an ex, since the miscarriage she has been extremely jealous if I hang out with an ex or someone I hooked up with in the past or even just a girl friend. She says things like "If you were with them/stayed with them you could have kids", "they are better than me", etc. She won't hang out with our friends that have kids, she won't even talk to most of them. She won't throw out the positive pregnancy tests she had, or the negative ones she gets now. She even took pictures of the baby (when she miscarried and it came out) and looks at them a lot. She doesn't have parents so my mum is trying to be there for her. But she just says that my mum doesn't like her now and probably wishes I was with someone else. Because my mum REALLY wants grandkids. My mum loves her. She thinks I'm going to break up with her, that everyone thinks she's not good enough for me and that my family hates her now.
Author jos Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 Many men eventually leave women that cannot have kids so I empathize with her. Women know how men think and if a man cannot get everything he wants from a woman he starts looking elsewhere. I know 2 people in my personal life this happened to where the guy said he didn't care and then left her. U can adopt you know too...much better so many children that need a home, and pregnancy ruins a womans body so she'll remain hotter for a longer period of time for you. I'm not going to leave her. I don't care about kids right now. She doesn't want to adopt, at all. It's not even an option.
aussietigerwolf Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 she's heart broken at the loss of not only that baby but her ability to have them, she also feels like she's failed you and your mum.
youaremysunshine Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I'm very sorry to hear this. She is going to need time to grieve. Mourning is a process. Therapy or some sort of support group may be helpful. Is a surrogate a viable option? When you are ready, her egg and your sperm can be joined and then implanted into another woman. This child will be biologically related to both of you, and not the surrogate. When you decide you are ready, talk to a fertility specialist.
mammasita Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss, and so sorry for the pain that this is causing your girlfriend. On another note and completely unrelated but......why are you hanging with your ex? 2
Author jos Posted October 24, 2013 Author Posted October 24, 2013 We don't know if surrogacy is an option or not. The disease is pretty rare and very little is known on it. We don't know if the condition comes from the egg as well. But it could be an option. She doesn't want it though. She said she doesn't trust someone else to carry her baby and we live in Canada so there are very few surrogate since it's illegal to pay them. Because we dated 10 years ago and remained friends. It does happen.
youaremysunshine Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I live in Canada too, and I knew someone who had a surrogate arranged through a fertility clinic. I know she is grieving but when she is ready a referral to a fertility specialist might be a good idea. It took me FOREVER to get in but my doctor was great, over several months she did a barrage of blood tests and several ultrasounds to discover the reason I didn't have a period or ovulate, and figure out the best way to treat it. And I'm not even trying to get pregnant. Of course she needs to come to terms with her loss before deciding what course of action she wants to take.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 My GF and I have been together for almost 2 years and have been living together for a few months. In August she got pregnant and miscarried about 2 weeks ago at 12 weeks. We knew she was going to miscarry for about 6 weeks. We found out that she has some medical condition that makes her body fight off a baby basically. So the chance of having a baby is pretty much zero. And she doesn't want to try again because there is a high chance of miscarriage or stillbirth and she'd have to have multiple doctor appointments every week for blood tests and ultrasounds and have a c-section at 34 weeks. So to her, not worth it because she doesn't want to deal with more loss or hurt the baby. I'm fine with no kids, it's not a big deal to me. She knows that but doesn't believe it because I was excited for the baby we were going to have. But she's always wanted kids. Since we found out she has been upset all the time (understandable) and extremely jealous. She normally doesn't care at all if I hang out with an ex, since the miscarriage she has been extremely jealous if I hang out with an ex or someone I hooked up with in the past or even just a girl friend. She says things like "If you were with them/stayed with them you could have kids", "they are better than me", etc. She won't hang out with our friends that have kids, she won't even talk to most of them. She won't throw out the positive pregnancy tests she had, or the negative ones she gets now. She even took pictures of the baby (when she miscarried and it came out) and looks at them a lot. She doesn't have parents so my mum is trying to be there for her. But she just says that my mum doesn't like her now and probably wishes I was with someone else. Because my mum REALLY wants grandkids. My mum loves her. She thinks I'm going to break up with her, that everyone thinks she's not good enough for me and that my family hates her now. I'm sorry for the situation you're in. You've both suffered a loss and will need time to come to terms with that. About the bolded part - how often are you hanging out with exes or past hook-ups? If the miscarriage only happened two weeks ago and since then she gets jealous, maybe you're meeting up with these women more often than necessary. (especially at a time like this) 1
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