Grumpybutfun Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 Good point. I would like to read it. Consider a guy who seems together, but slyly mentions a past affair with a married woman saying how they had a sexual/emotional connection she couldn't find with her husband. He says this in a matter of fact, non-braiging way as a way to impress his connection with and understanding of women. Say a guy talks a lot of sexual inudeno and buys roses for all the girls at his workplace on their birthdays. He flirts with every girl at work. He is married. Say a guy who bullies others all day long. Then someone stands up to him. He gets scared and runs to the boss claiming harrasemnt. Sya a guy who does not meet adult responsiblities - drinks heavily (slips out from work to go to the bar), cheats on his wife, has a dead-end job and no education and does nothing to better his position even though he has a family. I ask, because I have known guys like this. They actually have no conscious at all and they don't even know it is missing. I have seen women attracked to guys like this and defend them even when their actions get themselves or others hurt. I find it odd, they don't recognize these actions as warnings of a selfish nature that can only bring harm. Immature? Slightly. Asshat? Definitely. Also, I don't agree that nice, loyal, honorable men finish last. They may not get the drama baiters who need danger, but they get the women who know that they want substance over flash. Best, Grumps 2
TheGuard13 Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 He seems nice, freindly, confident but how do you know he is emotionally immature? Because they will act emotionally immature.
Divasu Posted October 24, 2013 Posted October 24, 2013 I could point you in the direction as an example....but that would a no no. How about what an emotionally mature man looks like? -He's Decisive -He's highly self-aware (capable of self-introspection) -He isn't possessive or paranoid towards your relationships with friends, family, friends of the opposite sex, etc. -He refrains as much as possible from disclosing intimate details of his relationship (IE: He does not go blabbing to the world about how he gave someone the best sex of her life). -Accepts his own shortcomings versus hiding them under the guise of others -Does not lie 2
reflex Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 How does one help make the world a better place without getting hurt or taken advantage of?Everything has a cost. Every person have flaws and recieve a 'punishment' in return. The guys you have described, for instance. You said they were hated by their own families. Pursuing personal happiness isn't for free either. In other words, if that is your true self you need to learn to accept whatever you get in return. Don't feel bad for being yourself. Everyone pays one way or another, so better to be happy or die trying.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 For me, giving a woman the hot and cold treatment is indicative of immaturity, and a manipulative personality.
spiderowl Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) They act on attraction alone and don't think ahead. They talk about themselves all the time and don't listen. They don't care about the other person just about themselves. They behave in childish ways, drinking too much, taking stupid risks, treating other people badly, being rude, swearing a lot. They drive too fast and don't care about the consequences to others. They don't plan ahead but spend on what they want at the time. They aren't good at sharing. They don't respect their parents and what they have done for them (assuming decent parents). They can't act appropriately for the mood or circumstances. They are inexperienced at dealing with people or always 'putting their foot' in it, being tactless. They talk too loudly in public and say obnoxious things. They don't respect the opposite sex and don't behave like a gentleman. They boast about their prowess with women or make embarrassing sexist or personal remarks about women within their line of sight. They have an annoying, teasing manner, like a little boy might have, the 'pulling a girl's pigtails' type behaviour, which is just to get attention and screams immaturity. Edited October 26, 2013 by spiderowl 5
Omei Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 When they have to swear in every sentence to express themselves, I hate that. Ohhhhh good post above me!!! 100% AGREE
todreaminblue Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I think not taking responsibility for their actions is immature..... i also think you can be crazy and mature.......if you take responsibility for your own crazy.......and accept consequences for risks you take......deb
salparadise Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 (edited) It's funny how the subject of maturity drifted into a question of right and wrong. I guess that is what maturity is - discipining oneself to doing the 'right' thing. [plus learning to spell the word discipline] It is a quandry that we seek virtue to avoid pain, but find peace unsettling, so we again seek sin and the cycle continues. I still can't figure that one out. Perhaps this will help... Maturity is associated with motivation. The least mature only do the right thing for their own benefit––to avoid punishment or receive something they want in return. This is called the pre-conventional stage of moral development. The next stage is merely a less obvious form of the same motivation in which people do the right thing to gain social acceptance, or in adherence to a rigid law and order mentality. This is the conventional stage. The most mature do the right thing simply because their moral compass gives them the sense that it's the right thing to do. They have a principled conscience, an integrated sense of justice and morality for the benefit of humanity. They are motivated by a sense of greater good to the extent that they engage in anonymous altruism and are prone to doing things to benefit others at their own expense. This is the post-conventional stage. Most adults are either conventional or post-conventional. The prisons are full of pre-conventional adults. Prominent political parties may be primarily aligned with differing stages, and it's relatively easy to observe the moral development of coworkers and management in the workplace. I think water tends to seek it's own level in terms of social pairing and attraction. Lawrence Kohlberg is the psychologist who developed these theories if you're interested. Edited October 26, 2013 by salparadise 1
felicity1 Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 I'm talking about people that are like children in the sense that go after what ever they want at the momet simply to safitsfy the urge, the 'want' without thinking or caring about the consequences. If they don't get it, they pout and blame others or use passive/aggressive techniques to seek revenge when it is really not the other person's fault. and if their actions end up hurting themselves or others, they seek to defer responsibility by blaming innocent bystanders or going into denial. Respectfully, how can one learn to view this perspective and how is this a source of joy? Seriously, I don't know anyone who isn't like this! We(adults) are simply children in big bodies. We pretend to be emotionally mature but we all carry hurts and loss from our childhoods which we subconsciously project onto others whether we are aware of it or not.
beach Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 Seriously, I don't know anyone who isn't like this! We(adults) are simply children in big bodies. We pretend to be emotionally mature but we all carry hurts and loss from our childhoods which we subconsciously project onto others whether we are aware of it or not. That is NOT true. Speak for YOURSELF, not others. I am responsible for me - my actions - my words. I do my best to put my truth and my perspective and my experience out there. Every person is different, unique. When an individual shows words and actions that only/mainly consider themselves - that is selfish and immature. Emotionally unavailable? That's a whole category you can read up on...and is usually deep seeded from dark issues from child hood. Fear. Unresolved anger issues. Lack of trust. Read.
KathyM Posted October 26, 2013 Posted October 26, 2013 If he uses alcohol or drugs as a way to cope with life because he never learned coping skills. If he has frequent anger outbursts and poor control over his anger. If he reverts to childish behavior when feeling a loss of control. If he blames others for his own mistakes, rather than having accountability. If he expects others to be the responsible one, and shirks responsibility himself. If he hangs out with other emotionally immature people, and doesn't want to be a part of the adult world.
felicity1 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 That is NOT true. Speak for YOURSELF, not others. I am responsible for me - my actions - my words. I do my best to put my truth and my perspective and my experience out there. Every person is different, unique. When an individual shows words and actions that only/mainly consider themselves - that is selfish and immature. Emotionally unavailable? That's a whole category you can read up on...and is usually deep seeded from dark issues from child hood. Fear. Unresolved anger issues. Lack of trust. Read. The subconscious(primitive mind) is so much more powerful than the conscious mind. We cannot possibly control every thought that gets converted into speech. And no one escapes childhood pain. No one. Of course some people are more self-aware and self-controlled than others but no one is perfect.
happydate Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 (edited) Yes, I know the answer. But I ask because I have seen women who don't even when I see red flags everywhere. Later, it ends in disaster and then they see it. I was just wondering why they don't see it earlier. This is not a slam on women. I have seen many who are very preceptive and recognize this instantly. Ego = immaturity. A person's ego is a self defence mechanism that protects the person's heart which had been broken time and time again from failing relationships. As the ego is enforced by the denial of the lessons pertaining from all the failures in past relationships, it became second nature for a person to act immaturely because they are unwilling to accept reality for what it is in a new relationship. This self defence mechanism kicks in and not until the person with the inflated ego realized later on that what they did was wrong. Rather than heal from their wounds, they run or flee from their problems and date again, thus enforcing more on their ego and causing them to behave immaturely. The cycle is a vicious cycle until the pain and the lessons become extremely unbearable. You will notice that if you decide NOT to learn from your mistakes, subsequent relationships will become more bizarre and more nasty. If you are an immature person to begin with and you are continually dating immature women with inflated egos all the time, but every new date the woman gets worse and worse, this ought to tell you that they are just a reflection of your own flawed personality and your ego. Where does this flawed personality come from? It is from your childhood and you were programmed without any choice from your father and mother and these programs formed your subconscious mind. Since subconscious mind rule about 90% of the major decision you make in real life and not your conscious mind, it is the subconscious mind that you need to change. The outer conditions that you see in regards to immature women are the cause of your subconscious mind acting out and resulting to what your conscious mind sees and views. Then your ego kicks in to protect this strange actions that you did to cause you to attract to these events and labels them immature. The purpose of healing the wounds from your relationships is to CORRECT the flaws in your subconscious programming that you gained from childhood. Since we tend to date our parents, it is true that the stuff you did that attracts immature ladies are in part embedded in the programming of your parents. People we date are somewhat a mirror of our own self. Hope this helps. Edited October 27, 2013 by happydate
happydate Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 Seriously, I don't know anyone who isn't like this! We(adults) are simply children in big bodies. We pretend to be emotionally mature but we all carry hurts and loss from our childhoods which we subconsciously project onto others whether we are aware of it or not. Which is why we can learn through failure, the failure of hurt and loss from our childhood and relationship are chances for us to heal from the wounds and move forward. When we all confronted with a failure in our lives, be it in relationships, investments and business dealings, a typical person fears failure will often stop doing what caused them to fail or change methods or systems (reading lots of dating books etc..) only to junk the new methods or systems at the next failure. The winning person who is positive will not inflexibly keep doing what does not work. His or her open mindedness allows him or her to recognize what are the causes of the failures and correct/heal from that and thus allow the probability of success when the next event may pose the same failure! This is the work of taming the EGO which is our self-defence mechanism that protects from the hurt and loss but the same EGO that will convince you with all its might that what you are doing is always right. Yet the outer conditions DO NOT reflect what your EGO always promised. A winning person won't crumble under temporary adversity, because the person knows he's or she's simply passing through a difficult time that will end. This is a sign of a mature person. The flexible person with the willingness to admit mistakes will learn from the failure, honor that failure as feedback; make corrections and proceed with the improvements. The winning person, just as the winning athlete like Michael Phelps, is always in a constant and never ending process of development and growth. We call this a "mature" adult. Short of that, we call them immature.
felicity1 Posted October 27, 2013 Posted October 27, 2013 There is no end to growth and maturity. Even the most seemingly "mature" people will have their shortcomings. We are animals and the conscious mind is a relatively new invention which I believe us humans are only just starting to learn how to use. 1
reflex Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 There is no end to growth and maturity. Even the most seemingly "mature" people will have their shortcomings. We are animals and the conscious mind is a relatively new invention which I believe us humans are only just starting to learn how to use.Although, it's true that most people have a hard time with that (both, accepting their inner children and growing up). It's also very likely that you know quite a few people who learnt to become more mature than you made it sound. This is not as apparent as many tend to believe. So perhaps, you didn't noticed them. Regarding to the original topic, I'd be curious to read a male version of this thread.
forgetmenot75 Posted October 30, 2013 Posted October 30, 2013 Spider owl: you couldn't define it better. Agree 100% ) So why we feel attracted to this immature ash.oles?? Why on earth we fall prey of this idiots?? I'd love some kind of explanation though I know the answer already: we are immature as well.
felicity1 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 A few months ago the Dalai Lama commented that the Burmese monks setting themselves alight was "not an act of violence". I don't know about anyone else, but these images were traumatizing for me.
felicity1 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) There is no end to growth and maturity. Even the most seemingly "mature" people will have their shortcomings. We are animals and the conscious mind is a relatively new invention which I believe us humans are only just starting to learn how to use. By the way, I am not excluding myself here and I'm not calling anyone "immature". Looking at the world's problems, I believe we have to try not to keep succumbing to our primitive urges and work harder at using our "higher mind". It takes a hightened self-awareness as well as time. Edited November 2, 2013 by felicity1
felicity1 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Both my maternal and paternal grandfathers were paedophiles. They were both highly respected, generous individuals, loved by many. One was a barrister and solicitor working in criminal law and the other, an electrical engineer who risked his life working for the Dutch Underground during the second world war. This has greatly affected my perception of people, no matter how honourable they are held to be.
salparadise Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Seriously, I don't know anyone who isn't like this! We(adults) are simply children in big bodies. We pretend to be emotionally mature but we all carry hurts and loss from our childhoods which we subconsciously project onto others whether we are aware of it or not. That is NOT true. Speak for YOURSELF, not others. Oh but it is so true. Being in denial doesn't heal the wounds.
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