Ladies what red flags tell you a guy is emotionally immature?

[bob the brave]

He seems nice, freindly, confident but how do you know he is emotionally immature?

[bob the brave]

Immature is an overused word people use to be condescending to others.

You either don't date much or have been very lucky.

[bob the brave]

When you take mind to understand others, their backgrounds, their desires, interests, etc.

 

You'll learn that many things you consider "immature" are actually things that come from someone with a different perspective on life. A life that they enjoy.

 

I'm talking about people that are like children in the sense that go after what ever they want at the momet simply to safitsfy the urge, the 'want' without thinking or caring about the consequences. If they don't get it, they pout and blame others or use passive/aggressive techniques to seek revenge when it is really not the other person's fault. and if their actions end up hurting themselves or others, they seek to defer responsibility by blaming innocent bystanders or going into denial.

 

Respectfully, how can one learn to view this perspective and how is this a source of joy?

[ponchsox]

He seems nice, freindly, confident but how do you know he is emotionally immature?

 

You are emotionally mature until you prove to them you aren't.

[MrCastle]

Please don't tell me this thread is going to be a denial that immaturity exists.

 

You know who typically doesn't believe immaturity exists? Immature people.

[CptSaveAho]

He seems nice, freindly, confident but how do you know he is emotionally immature?

 

when you seek validation from women...

[Kamille]

I'm talking about people that are like children in the sense that go after what ever they want at the momet simply to safitsfy the urge, the 'want' without thinking or caring about the consequences. If they don't get it, they pout and blame others or use passive/aggressive techniques to seek revenge when it is really not the other person's fault. and if their actions end up hurting themselves or others, they seek to defer responsibility by blaming innocent bystanders or going into denial.

 

Respectfully, how can one learn to view this perspective and how is this a source of joy?

 

Seems like you knew the answer to the question.

[crederer]

The question is too broad. I could write a 10 000 word essay in regards to the topic. Do you have examples that you would like us to weigh in on?

[bob the brave]

Seems like you knew the answer to the question.

Yes, I know the answer. But I ask because I have seen women who don't even when I see red flags everywhere. Later, it ends in disaster and then they see it. I was just wondering why they don't see it earlier.

 

This is not a slam on women. I have seen many who are very preceptive and recognize this instantly.

[bob the brave]

The question is too broad. I could write a 10 000 word essay in regards to the topic. Do you have examples that you would like us to weigh in on?

Good point. I would like to read it.

 

Consider a guy who seems together, but slyly mentions a past affair with a married woman saying how they had a sexual/emotional connection she couldn't find with her husband. He says this in a matter of fact, non-braiging way as a way to impress his connection with and understanding of women.

 

Say a guy talks a lot of sexual inudeno and buys roses for all the girls at his workplace on their birthdays. He flirts with every girl at work. He is married.

 

Say a guy who bullies others all day long. Then someone stands up to him. He gets scared and runs to the boss claiming harrasemnt.

 

Sya a guy who does not meet adult responsiblities - drinks heavily (slips out from work to go to the bar), cheats on his wife, has a dead-end job and no education and does nothing to better his position even though he has a family.

 

I ask, because I have known guys like this. They actually have no conscious at all and they don't even know it is missing. I have seen women attracked to guys like this and defend them even when their actions get themselves or others hurt. I find it odd, they don't recognize these actions as warnings of a selfish nature that can only bring harm.

Edited October 24, 2013 by bob the brave

[bob the brave]

They are sociopaths or psychopaths. People that take what they want.

 

Someone caring solely for themselves.

 

And yes they are attractive.

 

What makes them attractive? Danger, control, what?

[Woggle]

People are immature if they have no control over their lives and no sense of accountability. They wreck everything then claim victim status when they are left with the pieces. It's not about what hobbies or interests a person has.

[HokeyReligions]

Please don't tell me this thread is going to be a denial that immaturity exists.

 

You know who typically doesn't believe immaturity exists? Immature people.

 

This made me snort-laugh. Lol

[Woggle]

Many things.

 

They stand out.

Dominant.

Fun.

 

Don't pretend if some hot, "dangerous", woman that can rock your world came your way that you'd not be attracted.

 

This whole "women don't like nice guys blah blah blah" thing is stupid. Because every guy would love a sexy, "dangerous", woman to **** them crazy.

 

The thing is that people can be fun and have that wild side without being a complete wreck of a person. I have dated crazy and even married it once and it is not something I would ever want to do again. It's not fun or exciting at all. It's just exhausting and it makes you almost as crazy as they are.

[bob the brave]

Many things.

 

They stand out.

Dominant.

Fun.

 

Don't pretend if some hot, "dangerous", woman that can rock your world came your way that you'd not be attracted.

 

This whole "women don't like nice guys blah blah blah" thing is stupid. Because every guy would love a sexy, "dangerous", woman to **** them crazy.

 

It would certainly get my attention. I would be kind, friendly and nothing beyond that no matter how drop dead gorgeous she was. I know because it has happened. Saying no was like having my balls ripped out through my nose. I regreted it on a 'fun' basis for days afterward. But, I know, as you said, people like this care only for themselves without conscious which means at some point they will hurt someone. I will not subsidize such people regardless of what riches ar afforded to myself.

[Woggle]

For a relationship, sure, it's not a good idea.

 

But for a short time of fun? Why not?

 

They care primarily for themselves and it's not a good idea to be serious with anyone like that. They'll cheat, manipulate, and use anyone they can.

 

Because when they can't hook you and make you fall in love it hurts their ego and they go a little nuts. I learned that from experience.

[bob the brave]

For a relationship, sure, it's not a good idea.

 

But for a short time of fun? Why not?

 

They care primarily for themselves and it's not a good idea to be serious with anyone like that. They'll cheat, manipulate, and use anyone they can.

Then we become no different - selfish. Any energy these people acquire will be used to eventually 'cheat, manipulate, and use' usually at someone's misfortune. To aid them in any way, even if we are rewarded only serves to reinforce this behaviour and add to the future misfortune of others. Accepting or condoning their actions empowers them and serves to further ignorance and pain.

[bob the brave]

But if you don't, the next guy in the club will, anyways.

 

You can't beat them, so why not have a little fun?

 

You really don't regret turning her down? It's not like saying "no" to her changed anything.

 

Ha, you are goading me now. Suppose during a riot people started looting. You found a new TV set at the base of a broken store window right at your feet. All the electricity was out, no cameras, no cops, total chaos. You would not be caught. Would you tell yourself to load it in your car just because if you don't another person will?

 

It's funny how the subject of maturity drifted into a question of right and wrong. I guess that is what maturity is - discipining oneself to doing the 'right' thing.

 

I regret the passing up the fun, but if everyone rejected her until she learn to be a better person. Just as if no one looted, the city would prosper. It is a quandry that we seek virtue to avoid pain, but find peace unsettling, so we again seek sin and the cycle continues. I still can't figure that one out.

 

I just don't like to see people in pain. I asked the question because I know a girl who chased a guy she knew was bad. She told me to butt out when I warned her, then got hurt and came running back to me for help. It made me wonder what makes someone do this and I thought girls might have a different perspective on this type of stiuation.

[bob the brave]

If it was a good TV set, sure. How many people would be hurt by it?

 

Thing is, people like her will not change. How many times have you heard about a woman trying to "change" a man and it backfired? Many times, I'm sure. Constant rejection won't do a thing. She'd just find other ways to do her work.

 

It's life. And one thing I'll tell you, is to not be too concerned about other people. You can empathize with them, but most of them don't care about you. So, why waste too much time concerning yourself with them?

 

Never be a sponge to absorb other people's tears.

 

You are exactly right. Being a person of principle is lonely, not fun and I often think not worth it. I rarely accomplish anything and you are right, no one really cares.

 

I once worked for a company much like Enron. I was young, but worked for 2 years. The big wigs decided to invite me into their fold, not because they like me but because that was the tradition - you join the old boy fraternity to strengthen the pack. They use you as they need and you get well overpaid until you're old enough to take their place. At first I admired these guys as titans of industry only to come to loath everyone of them as mens of no conscious that would sell their moms for a Snickers bar. They had huge empty houses, with fancy cars, were on their second trophy wives and their children hated them.

 

We had a meeting wherein they decided to can some loyal hard-working employees that where responsible for thier success so they could reduce the budget and all get bonuses. Just them of course. I told them they were all ***holes and gave up a 6 figure job to work at McDonalds. They all got bonuses. My dad thought I was crazy.

 

Every time I try to do the right thing or help someone, people snicker and joke. I usually am hurt and nothing better developes.

 

Abraham Lincoln risked destroying a nation (via civil war) merely on principle. He believed a nation united under slavory was not united at all. It was a war fought soley for principle. He was assasinated. MLK was assinated. Ghandi was assasinated and they weren't to nice to Jesus Christ either.

 

Maybe I will be immature and just start dating hookers.

[Bobibble]

The definition of immature? My ex bf.

 

No really. We broke up, ran into each other, had every opportunity to work on things and get back together slowly, he claimed we needed time apart to grow, and a few months later he is in a relationship with a girl who is 5 years younger than him who just graduated high school.

 

Completely disregards the future, doesn't look at the bigger picture, and focuses on temporary satisfaction, and loves to run away from feelings and emotions due to fear and insecurity. That's immaturity.

[bob the brave]

The definition of immature? My ex bf.

 

No really. We broke up, ran into each other, had every opportunity to work on things and get back together slowly, he claimed we needed time apart to grow, and a few months later he is in a relationship with a girl who is 5 years younger than him who just graduated high school.

 

Completely disregards the future, doesn't look at the bigger picture, and focuses on temporary satisfaction, and loves to run away from feelings and emotions due to fear and insecurity. That's immaturity.

 

So, how are things for you now?

[bob the brave]

MLK was actually abusive to his wife and cheated on her constantly. Even in threesomes.

 

I feel so much better now.

[Bobibble]

So, how are things for you now?

 

Well he got in a relationship with her a couple of weeks ago actually, so still not the greatest!

His friends are on my side, ironically. They're telling me he messed up, that they don't like her, and that he actually matured while with me and completely lost himself when we broke up.

 

He knows I know about them being together though, his friend told him I knew. I haven't contacted him whatsoever since, figured he has to deal with the consequences of his actions on his own.

[bob the brave]

It's not worth it. None of those people you help will care or remember you later on. Sure, there are the rare few, but most of them won't.

 

This is why "immature" is subjective. In this case, the "immature" people became very successful and live a life of pleasure. But you decided to be "mature" and now you're probably living in the ghettos.

 

Never be a sponge to absorb other people's tears, because the moment they stop crying, they'll leave you on the restroom floor.

 

Wow, I am not being sarcastic. I really do see you're point, I've lived your point. I have found when you are 'mature' people either think you are foolish (because you left the TV behind) or hate you for talking down to them and being all self-rightous. ***holes always prosper.

 

A friend once told me maybe I should join the semenary, become a priest, but I think they are just as crazy and immature in many ways.

 

I doubt I could ever be happy being 'immature'. How does one help make the world a better place without getting hurt or taken advantage of?

[bob the brave]

Do you like video games?

 

There's a video game called "Witcher 2".

 

It's a great video game that has a very adult story. From kings, to royal advisers, to soldiers, knights, etc. It focus a lot on the morals, politics, visions, and abilities of different people.

 

It has a story that fits very well into this thread.

 

Thanks, I'll check it out. And thanks for the perspective. It's a different answer then I expected, but you've given me something to really think about.

 

cheers!